Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on September 30, 2009
IDC outlined his plan to me. He quickly rebuilt his support, and I stood upon the support, holding George tightly against my right shoulder. He was beginning to go limp, but that didn't stop me.
"I am told by your friend IDC that your have been awaiting the coming of your prophet, the 'One-Who-Will-Be-Unable-To-Control-His-Bowel-Movements.' This 'prophet' is known as George the Yellow. I am George the Yellow's spokesperson, and I have news for you:
"George wants you all to take yourselves to the Field of Regundor, where you are to build large structures that surround the entire field. Once that is done, you will be saved, and after the structures fulfill their duty, then you may live in the field, which is where the promised land is."
All the carpenters excitedly gasped. The next thing I knew, they had built a bunch of airplanes, and we were flying to the plains.
"You guys are fast," I commented to IDC.
"Well, duh," he said. "We're the original Carpenter tribe."
"Hmm," I said. "That's presumptuous."
"We are!" He angrily cried.
"Ok, ok," I said.
We crash-landed onto the field about an hour later. Before I could get a look at my surroundings, the Carpenters had built a huge wall around the enire field. I studied the walls with approval.
"This is good," I said.
IDC quickly built an elevator so I could observe the other side. Looking over, I saw exactly what I wanted to see.
Everyone knows that Regundor is surrounded by Mountains. And everyone knows that Mountains are filled with springs and rivers and creeks. The Mountains were already flowing their water against the wall that the Carpenters had built. The dry, sandy fields of Regundor began to be surrounded with water.
"Let them come," I hissed.
To be Continued...
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
SORENSTORY
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on September 28, 2009
"How can you help us?" I eagerly asked.
"I guess you'll just have to find out in the next post," IDC coyly replied.
"Breaking the fourth wall is Olaf's thing," I said.
"Who's Olaf?" IDC asked.
"The friend I mentioned before, the one whose theory is that Dwarves and Vikings are related," I explained.
"Interesting," IDC said.
To be continued...
"How can you help us?" I eagerly asked.
"I guess you'll just have to find out in the next post," IDC coyly replied.
"Breaking the fourth wall is Olaf's thing," I said.
"Who's Olaf?" IDC asked.
"The friend I mentioned before, the one whose theory is that Dwarves and Vikings are related," I explained.
"Interesting," IDC said.
To be continued...
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Sorence Storie
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on September 27, 2009
IDC began to act rather jovially. "So, my brother," he said, slapping me on the back. "Why have you come?"
George suddenly woke up. "We were eating dinner and I was afraid that I was going to get poisoned and a shiny person appeared and made me feel sad and he killed my friends by talking and Lief came in a jumped onto my food and then we travelled to CVU and Thor made fun of Olaf and Lief killed a dentist and Olaf said we needed to go, and Chia made our boat backwards-yag, and we were attacked by dogs, and we were thrown in jail, and we almost were killed by Urgu but Olaf turned watery and I was brave cuz I threw him into Urgu and Lulu was there but she really wasn't and Erik and Chia sent us a wierd place where it was cool but we were vomited out by it and landed in the marsh all alone and wandered for hours and found you and you were mean and the blood rushed to my head and it was dark." He whined.
IDC stared at the Viking in stunned silence. "Not much of a Viking, is he?" he asked.
"If only we could isolate that Nervousness gene," I sighed.
"So what exactly was he blabbering about, exactly?" he asked.
I told him. The villagers began to gather around George, muttering about the prophecy and the Promised Land. His eyes opened wide.
"I think I might be able to help you, my brother," he said.
To be continued...
IDC began to act rather jovially. "So, my brother," he said, slapping me on the back. "Why have you come?"
George suddenly woke up. "We were eating dinner and I was afraid that I was going to get poisoned and a shiny person appeared and made me feel sad and he killed my friends by talking and Lief came in a jumped onto my food and then we travelled to CVU and Thor made fun of Olaf and Lief killed a dentist and Olaf said we needed to go, and Chia made our boat backwards-yag, and we were attacked by dogs, and we were thrown in jail, and we almost were killed by Urgu but Olaf turned watery and I was brave cuz I threw him into Urgu and Lulu was there but she really wasn't and Erik and Chia sent us a wierd place where it was cool but we were vomited out by it and landed in the marsh all alone and wandered for hours and found you and you were mean and the blood rushed to my head and it was dark." He whined.
IDC stared at the Viking in stunned silence. "Not much of a Viking, is he?" he asked.
"If only we could isolate that Nervousness gene," I sighed.
"So what exactly was he blabbering about, exactly?" he asked.
I told him. The villagers began to gather around George, muttering about the prophecy and the Promised Land. His eyes opened wide.
"I think I might be able to help you, my brother," he said.
To be continued...
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Soren's Story (end never here)
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on September 26, 2009
I was suddenly ripped from the beautiful world that I had entered, landing with a squelch into a marsh. I knew the dangers of marshes, and I began to wildly thrash my way out onto a less mucky part, as I knew that if I stayed for too long, I would be stuck forever.
Gasping, I pulled myself up onto drier land. Once I had caught my breath, I sat up and looked around.
Dark, dangerous trees hung over me like a dark, dangerous forest. Vines hung over everything, and strange sounds echoed ominously over all. I saw that I was alone. Before I could contemplate what my next move would be, however, there was a pop, and George fell screaming into the marsh. He quickly pulled himself out, and looked helplessly around.
"Where are we?" he moaned. "And where is everyone else?"
"I don't know," I solemnly replied. "I don't know." George stood.
"What do we do?" he asked.
"Well, let's get out of this place before we do anything else," I said, turning and walking toward one of the less misty areas of the marsh.
If we had not been Vikings, we never would have made it out of the marsh. As it was, it took us four hours to trudge through mud and grime and other junk. When we finally collapsed ten feet away from the edge, George was crying, and I was more sore than a... well, I was more sore than anything else.
I'm pretty sure that we passed out, because when we awoke, it was light outside; it had been dark in the marsh. Rolling onto my back, I suddenly became aware of a dark figure standing over me.
"AHHHH!" George shrieked.
"AHHHHH!" the dark figure shrieked, running away from us and hiding behind a rock.
"Good job," I said, getting to my feet. "Now he ran away."
"Where are we?" George asked, looking around. I looked up and saw, for the first time, that we had walked right into a well-developed town, complete with internet connection. Some people were walking around, and they were all wearing the same things.
"Carpenter aprons," I breathed. "We've walked into a town of carpenters."
"Is that a good thing?" George warily asked.
"I'm not sure," I said. "Vikings and them have never really gotten along, since we steal their boat-making industry. Be on your guard, and don't let them get too close."
The next thing I knew, we were tied upside down to a support beam that had just been built before our very eyes. The dark figure that we had seen turned out to be a short, bearded carpenter, who was the one who had tied us up and built the beam in the first place.
"HAR HAR HAR!" he cried, spinning around in a grotesque circle. "I has got you!"
The town suddenly emptied, as all the remaining carpenters had decided to gather around our dangling bodies. Something seemed strange about the Carpenter who had captured us, so I decided to wait and see what was happening. The carpenter made a swift movement with his arm, and a newly-built box appeared. Standing on the box, he cried, "I has catch Vikings! What I do?"
"Kill them!" All the carpenters roared. My theory about the Carpenter I deemed correct, since he had just pulled out a huge hammer that was three times his height. The Carpenter raised it above his head, just a few inches away from George's face.
"WILL I!" The Carpenter roared, pulling the hammer behind his head. George fainted; his pants suddenly became wet. The carpenters gasped. The Carpenter did not notice, and began to swing his axe toward my friend.
"You're a Dwarf, aren't you?" I asked.
The Dwarfish Carpenter completely missed George, slamming the Hammer into his supports and inadvertantly setting us free. As I dropped to my feet, George slammed into the ground headfirst. Before I could move, the carpenters had surrounded George, pointing at his pants.
"It is the prophecy!" One of the carpenters yelled. "The man who cannot control his bowel movements will lead us to the promised land!"
"Get ready to leave!" another one yelled. They all quickly ran to the town. I heard strange hammering and drilling sounds.
"'Ow 'id ye know I twas a Dwarf, Lad?" The Dwarfish carpenter asked, threateningly raising his hammer over his head. "If'n ye give me an answer, I twon't smash yo' head in."
"The size of your hammer," I said. "and your height, and your beard." The dwarf raised his hammer a little higher. "'is 'arpenter clan 'as been waitin' fo' this un'" hepointed at George, "'or a long toime. Ye, on da udder hand ..." he raised his hammer a few inches higher. "... 'ive me un reason why I shouldn't kill ye."
One thing I knew about dwarfs, they love their families. "My friend has a theory that Dwarves are related to Vikings," I said. "His name is Olaf the Bald."
"Prove it," he growled.
AFter we had used his internet connection and I had shown him this post that Olaf had written, he was all smiles. "Pleasure to meet you," he said. "My name is Ilmig the Dwarfish Carpenter, but you can call me IDC."
To be continued....
I was suddenly ripped from the beautiful world that I had entered, landing with a squelch into a marsh. I knew the dangers of marshes, and I began to wildly thrash my way out onto a less mucky part, as I knew that if I stayed for too long, I would be stuck forever.
Gasping, I pulled myself up onto drier land. Once I had caught my breath, I sat up and looked around.
Dark, dangerous trees hung over me like a dark, dangerous forest. Vines hung over everything, and strange sounds echoed ominously over all. I saw that I was alone. Before I could contemplate what my next move would be, however, there was a pop, and George fell screaming into the marsh. He quickly pulled himself out, and looked helplessly around.
"Where are we?" he moaned. "And where is everyone else?"
"I don't know," I solemnly replied. "I don't know." George stood.
"What do we do?" he asked.
"Well, let's get out of this place before we do anything else," I said, turning and walking toward one of the less misty areas of the marsh.
If we had not been Vikings, we never would have made it out of the marsh. As it was, it took us four hours to trudge through mud and grime and other junk. When we finally collapsed ten feet away from the edge, George was crying, and I was more sore than a... well, I was more sore than anything else.
I'm pretty sure that we passed out, because when we awoke, it was light outside; it had been dark in the marsh. Rolling onto my back, I suddenly became aware of a dark figure standing over me.
"AHHHH!" George shrieked.
"AHHHHH!" the dark figure shrieked, running away from us and hiding behind a rock.
"Good job," I said, getting to my feet. "Now he ran away."
"Where are we?" George asked, looking around. I looked up and saw, for the first time, that we had walked right into a well-developed town, complete with internet connection. Some people were walking around, and they were all wearing the same things.
"Carpenter aprons," I breathed. "We've walked into a town of carpenters."
"Is that a good thing?" George warily asked.
"I'm not sure," I said. "Vikings and them have never really gotten along, since we steal their boat-making industry. Be on your guard, and don't let them get too close."
The next thing I knew, we were tied upside down to a support beam that had just been built before our very eyes. The dark figure that we had seen turned out to be a short, bearded carpenter, who was the one who had tied us up and built the beam in the first place.
"HAR HAR HAR!" he cried, spinning around in a grotesque circle. "I has got you!"
The town suddenly emptied, as all the remaining carpenters had decided to gather around our dangling bodies. Something seemed strange about the Carpenter who had captured us, so I decided to wait and see what was happening. The carpenter made a swift movement with his arm, and a newly-built box appeared. Standing on the box, he cried, "I has catch Vikings! What I do?"
"Kill them!" All the carpenters roared. My theory about the Carpenter I deemed correct, since he had just pulled out a huge hammer that was three times his height. The Carpenter raised it above his head, just a few inches away from George's face.
"WILL I!" The Carpenter roared, pulling the hammer behind his head. George fainted; his pants suddenly became wet. The carpenters gasped. The Carpenter did not notice, and began to swing his axe toward my friend.
"You're a Dwarf, aren't you?" I asked.
The Dwarfish Carpenter completely missed George, slamming the Hammer into his supports and inadvertantly setting us free. As I dropped to my feet, George slammed into the ground headfirst. Before I could move, the carpenters had surrounded George, pointing at his pants.
"It is the prophecy!" One of the carpenters yelled. "The man who cannot control his bowel movements will lead us to the promised land!"
"Get ready to leave!" another one yelled. They all quickly ran to the town. I heard strange hammering and drilling sounds.
"'Ow 'id ye know I twas a Dwarf, Lad?" The Dwarfish carpenter asked, threateningly raising his hammer over his head. "If'n ye give me an answer, I twon't smash yo' head in."
"The size of your hammer," I said. "and your height, and your beard." The dwarf raised his hammer a little higher. "'is 'arpenter clan 'as been waitin' fo' this un'" hepointed at George, "'or a long toime. Ye, on da udder hand ..." he raised his hammer a few inches higher. "... 'ive me un reason why I shouldn't kill ye."
One thing I knew about dwarfs, they love their families. "My friend has a theory that Dwarves are related to Vikings," I said. "His name is Olaf the Bald."
"Prove it," he growled.
AFter we had used his internet connection and I had shown him this post that Olaf had written, he was all smiles. "Pleasure to meet you," he said. "My name is Ilmig the Dwarfish Carpenter, but you can call me IDC."
To be continued....
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Soren's Story: Shiny
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on September 23, 2009
I ... cannot ... describe ... the .... wonders ... we saw ....
To be continued...
I ... cannot ... describe ... the .... wonders ... we saw ....
To be continued...
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Soren's Story Mach 2
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on September 22. 2009
After the Urgu had gone, we all sat in a corner and thought.
"This is pretty uncomfortable," Olaf said. "Maybe we should separate into different corners."
We agreed, and we all sat in our own corner.
"If you think about it," I said. "It's pretty unpractical to build a seven-sided jail cell."
"You mean a Heptagon?" I asked.
"Yeah," I said. "That's what I meant."
"Hey, we're thinking, not talking aloud!" Erik screamed.
"LISTEN!" Chia screamed. We all got quiet. "We need to figure out how we can escape this cell without dying in the process!"
We thought.
"I'VE GOT IT!" Olaf shrieked. Jumping up, he began to quickly run around the cell in a loose circle.
"What the Out Dere Flappin' are you DOING?" Chia shrieked.
The next thing we knew, Olaf had stopped running.
"I thought we were making omeletes," he said.
Everyone stared at him with disbelief; well, except for Phil. He stared at himself with disbelief. "How on EARTH am I so SEXY?" he asked.
Everyone ignored both of them.
UP to this point, we had all avoided the spot where the Urgu who had pretended to be Lulu had gone. All that was left of any sort of evidence that anyone had been there was a tiny black scorch mark, about the size of a penny. Erik was getting frusterated, and he began to nervously pace around the seven-sided cell. We all watched him from our corners. He began to stray off of his straight pacing line. He hovered closer to the scorch mark.
ZAP! he disappeared for the slightest moment, reappearing beyond where he had stepped over the scorch mark. Everyone gaped at him in surprise.
"Whoa," Erik said.
Everyone jumped to their feet. "The dead Urgu left a prtal behind it, just like the one Lief jumpd into!" Olaf yelled.
"We shouldn't go into it," George stuttered.
"And why not?" Omar shrieked, giving Olaf a start. "I was gonna say that..." he moaned.
"Because it probably leads to wherever the Urgur go after they die," George said.
We all stopped.
"Good point," I said. "So what do we do?" Acting on impulse I turned to Erik. "What did you see?" I asked.
"I was in and out too fast," he said. Our brows furrowed with concentration. Chia's didn't, of course, and she looked at each of us in turn with a look of disgust on her face.
"ARE YOU VIKINGS OR NOT?" she suddenly screamed. "We thrive on the Unknown! We live for the unexpected! If this is our only chance to escape this grubby cell, so be it!"
"But we might die if we stay in there too long," Omar reasoned.
"Yeah," Olad agreed.
"On second thought, I agree with Chia," Omar said.
"Why? You just agreed with me," Olaf said.
"I never want to agree with you EVER," Omar said.
"But in saying that you agree with Chia, doesn't that mean you're lying?" Olaf asked.
"Well, yeah," Omar said.
"I love lying," Olaf said smugly.
"Well, then I retract all my prior statements. Let us pretend I have never spoken," Omar said nastily.
Olaf turned to Chia and whispered, "It's shameless the way we show our friendship."
Chia smiled. It was only for a split second, but she did. She then turned and slapped Olaf across the face. Olaf was already stunned enough from the dazzling smile, so the slap barely affected him.
"Here's the deal," she said. "I'll go in there, and if I come out, you'll know its too dangerous to enter. If I don't come out, that means its safe."
"Sounds good to me!" Our fearless leader cried.
"I guess you're not talking about me," George moaned.
Chia walked over the scorch mark and disappeared with a ZAP! Olaf counted for two seconds, and cried, "All right, we're safe!"
"You know, this is a very stupid plan," Omar iterated.
"In you go!" Olaf cried, grabbing Omar and throwing him in.
Erik simply nodded; he was still obviously upset about the loss of Lulu two times in a row. He walked over the scorch mark and vanished.
"Look, Phil, a magazine with your face on it!" Olaf cried, pointing to the scorch mark. Phil disappeared before he even bolted over it.
"I don't need you assistance, Olaf," I said grimly. He had just pulled a rather large Webster's dictionary and had hooked it onto a fishing pole. He was now dangling it over the scorch mark.
"Oh right," Olaf said.
I sighed, then stepped through.
To be continued...
After the Urgu had gone, we all sat in a corner and thought.
"This is pretty uncomfortable," Olaf said. "Maybe we should separate into different corners."
We agreed, and we all sat in our own corner.
"If you think about it," I said. "It's pretty unpractical to build a seven-sided jail cell."
"You mean a Heptagon?" I asked.
"Yeah," I said. "That's what I meant."
"Hey, we're thinking, not talking aloud!" Erik screamed.
"LISTEN!" Chia screamed. We all got quiet. "We need to figure out how we can escape this cell without dying in the process!"
We thought.
"I'VE GOT IT!" Olaf shrieked. Jumping up, he began to quickly run around the cell in a loose circle.
"What the Out Dere Flappin' are you DOING?" Chia shrieked.
The next thing we knew, Olaf had stopped running.
"I thought we were making omeletes," he said.
Everyone stared at him with disbelief; well, except for Phil. He stared at himself with disbelief. "How on EARTH am I so SEXY?" he asked.
Everyone ignored both of them.
UP to this point, we had all avoided the spot where the Urgu who had pretended to be Lulu had gone. All that was left of any sort of evidence that anyone had been there was a tiny black scorch mark, about the size of a penny. Erik was getting frusterated, and he began to nervously pace around the seven-sided cell. We all watched him from our corners. He began to stray off of his straight pacing line. He hovered closer to the scorch mark.
ZAP! he disappeared for the slightest moment, reappearing beyond where he had stepped over the scorch mark. Everyone gaped at him in surprise.
"Whoa," Erik said.
Everyone jumped to their feet. "The dead Urgu left a prtal behind it, just like the one Lief jumpd into!" Olaf yelled.
"We shouldn't go into it," George stuttered.
"And why not?" Omar shrieked, giving Olaf a start. "I was gonna say that..." he moaned.
"Because it probably leads to wherever the Urgur go after they die," George said.
We all stopped.
"Good point," I said. "So what do we do?" Acting on impulse I turned to Erik. "What did you see?" I asked.
"I was in and out too fast," he said. Our brows furrowed with concentration. Chia's didn't, of course, and she looked at each of us in turn with a look of disgust on her face.
"ARE YOU VIKINGS OR NOT?" she suddenly screamed. "We thrive on the Unknown! We live for the unexpected! If this is our only chance to escape this grubby cell, so be it!"
"But we might die if we stay in there too long," Omar reasoned.
"Yeah," Olad agreed.
"On second thought, I agree with Chia," Omar said.
"Why? You just agreed with me," Olaf said.
"I never want to agree with you EVER," Omar said.
"But in saying that you agree with Chia, doesn't that mean you're lying?" Olaf asked.
"Well, yeah," Omar said.
"I love lying," Olaf said smugly.
"Well, then I retract all my prior statements. Let us pretend I have never spoken," Omar said nastily.
Olaf turned to Chia and whispered, "It's shameless the way we show our friendship."
Chia smiled. It was only for a split second, but she did. She then turned and slapped Olaf across the face. Olaf was already stunned enough from the dazzling smile, so the slap barely affected him.
"Here's the deal," she said. "I'll go in there, and if I come out, you'll know its too dangerous to enter. If I don't come out, that means its safe."
"Sounds good to me!" Our fearless leader cried.
"I guess you're not talking about me," George moaned.
Chia walked over the scorch mark and disappeared with a ZAP! Olaf counted for two seconds, and cried, "All right, we're safe!"
"You know, this is a very stupid plan," Omar iterated.
"In you go!" Olaf cried, grabbing Omar and throwing him in.
Erik simply nodded; he was still obviously upset about the loss of Lulu two times in a row. He walked over the scorch mark and vanished.
"Look, Phil, a magazine with your face on it!" Olaf cried, pointing to the scorch mark. Phil disappeared before he even bolted over it.
"I don't need you assistance, Olaf," I said grimly. He had just pulled a rather large Webster's dictionary and had hooked it onto a fishing pole. He was now dangling it over the scorch mark.
"Oh right," Olaf said.
I sighed, then stepped through.
To be continued...
Monday, September 21, 2009
Soren's Story 10: Will this never-ending stoy ever end?
Written by Soren the Hardof-Hearing Scribe on september 20, 2009
"Your wish is granted," the Urgu said. "Olaf will die."
"Um, he's not dead yet," Omar said, looking over at Olaf, who was muttering under his breath.
"Of course not," the Urgu said. "You never specified a time at which he would die."
"Stupid loop-holes," Omar growled.
"And what is your wish, Olaf?" the Urgu asked.
"I wish to know what Lief's Dentist prisoner knew," Olaf said.
There was a flash; Olaf was suddenly soaked with water. He looked at himself with disgust. "This wasn't exactly what I had in mind," he moaned. George looked ove at him; a light flashed in his eyes.
"And now," the Urgu said. "How shall you be executed, Phil?"
"I wish to die a natural death," Phil said.
"As do I," Erik said.
"As do I," Lulu said. She had caught on quickly, as the method of execution had been discussed in our prior huddle, the one she had been without.
"As do I," Chia said.
"As do I," George said.
"As do I," I said.
"As do I," Omar said.
We all turned to Olaf. We all expected him to reply in the same way as we did, since it had been his idea. As he stood there, completely sopping wet, we heard him chuckle.
"I wish to die in te same manner she first did," he said, pointing to Lulu.
We all gasped. The Urgu nodded. His tone was an obvious anger. "Very well," he said. There was a poof. A small glass appeared on the floor in front of him. Olaf grinned.
"Gee, now isn't this surprising?" he retorically asked. "Here we all thought that you Urgurs had killed us with but a thought. When you really killed us with voice-activated poison, didn't you?"
"No, of course not," the Urgu said hesitantly.
"You lie!" Olaf yelled. "And here's the proof!" With a savage "Olaf the BAAAAALD!" he lunged at Lulu. Before she could react, he had drained the glass down her throat. With a cry, she fell backward. Erik yelled, "NO!" at the same time Olaf yelled, "I WILL DEMONSTRATE!"
Lulu collapsed, completely limp. As Erik turned toward Olaf with hatred in his eyes, he suddenly screamed and jumped back. Lulu was melting. At least, we had thought it was Lulu. Befoe ou very eyes, 'Lulu' turned into anoher Urgu. The Urgu jumped to its feet, and the hatred inits voice was obvious.
"It wasn't Lulu, Erik! Nothing can bring back the dead!" Olaf yelled as the second Urgu screamed, "You may have discovered that we cannot kill with a thought, but one touch will leave you gone forever!" As she lurched toward Olaf, George suddenly grabbed him. Lifting him up in the air, he threw him at the Urgu.
There was a brilliant flash of light as Olaf collided with the Urgu. The Urgu shrieked with pain as it suddenly dissolved into a million tiny particles. As Olaf shakily stood, the second Urgu completely disappeared. The First Urgu, which was still outside the Jail, stared at us. Though he had no face, we could feel the anger emanating from him.
"Water is their weakness," George whispered. Suddenly shaking his head, he cried, "Man, I wasted my brave act on throwing Olaf into something!"
"You will dry off eventually," The Urgu said, turning and striding away. "You shall all die shortly after."
To be continued...
"Your wish is granted," the Urgu said. "Olaf will die."
"Um, he's not dead yet," Omar said, looking over at Olaf, who was muttering under his breath.
"Of course not," the Urgu said. "You never specified a time at which he would die."
"Stupid loop-holes," Omar growled.
"And what is your wish, Olaf?" the Urgu asked.
"I wish to know what Lief's Dentist prisoner knew," Olaf said.
There was a flash; Olaf was suddenly soaked with water. He looked at himself with disgust. "This wasn't exactly what I had in mind," he moaned. George looked ove at him; a light flashed in his eyes.
"And now," the Urgu said. "How shall you be executed, Phil?"
"I wish to die a natural death," Phil said.
"As do I," Erik said.
"As do I," Lulu said. She had caught on quickly, as the method of execution had been discussed in our prior huddle, the one she had been without.
"As do I," Chia said.
"As do I," George said.
"As do I," I said.
"As do I," Omar said.
We all turned to Olaf. We all expected him to reply in the same way as we did, since it had been his idea. As he stood there, completely sopping wet, we heard him chuckle.
"I wish to die in te same manner she first did," he said, pointing to Lulu.
We all gasped. The Urgu nodded. His tone was an obvious anger. "Very well," he said. There was a poof. A small glass appeared on the floor in front of him. Olaf grinned.
"Gee, now isn't this surprising?" he retorically asked. "Here we all thought that you Urgurs had killed us with but a thought. When you really killed us with voice-activated poison, didn't you?"
"No, of course not," the Urgu said hesitantly.
"You lie!" Olaf yelled. "And here's the proof!" With a savage "Olaf the BAAAAALD!" he lunged at Lulu. Before she could react, he had drained the glass down her throat. With a cry, she fell backward. Erik yelled, "NO!" at the same time Olaf yelled, "I WILL DEMONSTRATE!"
Lulu collapsed, completely limp. As Erik turned toward Olaf with hatred in his eyes, he suddenly screamed and jumped back. Lulu was melting. At least, we had thought it was Lulu. Befoe ou very eyes, 'Lulu' turned into anoher Urgu. The Urgu jumped to its feet, and the hatred inits voice was obvious.
"It wasn't Lulu, Erik! Nothing can bring back the dead!" Olaf yelled as the second Urgu screamed, "You may have discovered that we cannot kill with a thought, but one touch will leave you gone forever!" As she lurched toward Olaf, George suddenly grabbed him. Lifting him up in the air, he threw him at the Urgu.
There was a brilliant flash of light as Olaf collided with the Urgu. The Urgu shrieked with pain as it suddenly dissolved into a million tiny particles. As Olaf shakily stood, the second Urgu completely disappeared. The First Urgu, which was still outside the Jail, stared at us. Though he had no face, we could feel the anger emanating from him.
"Water is their weakness," George whispered. Suddenly shaking his head, he cried, "Man, I wasted my brave act on throwing Olaf into something!"
"You will dry off eventually," The Urgu said, turning and striding away. "You shall all die shortly after."
To be continued...
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Soren's Story United
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on September 20, 2009
Needless to say, we were terribly beaten by the watchdogs. After we were dragged to an Urgurian jail cell by an Urgur, we awoke and saw that he was standing there, watching us.
"Oh, ye Vikings of the moern world!" He cried.
"He be talkin' to us?" Olaf asked.
"I think so," Erik the Noisy said. "Maybe we should ask him."
"No, you should ask ME," Phil said conceitedly.
"Then was he talking to us?" Chia asked annoyedly.
"Why wouldn't he?" Phi replied. "Who doesn't want to talk to me?"
The Urgu had completely ignored us, and had continued to speak over us. I had tried to catch what he was saying, but I couldn't over the incessant annoying talking that my compatriots were partaking in.
"... choice of death is to be yours, as well as your final wish," he was saying.
"So, we can choose how we die, and we can choose what our final wish is?" Olaf aske excitedly.
"Yes," the Urgu said. "You may."
"May we get our final wish granted before our execution?" Olaf asked.
"Of course," the Urgu said.
"May we collaborate?" Olaf asked.
"Indubitably," the Urgu said.
We quickly huddled up.
We unhuddled up.
"Ok, we want to ask our final wishes first," Olaf said.
"Then you may begin," the Urgu said, turning toward Phil. Phil had inconceivably began to start sobbing.
"I... want a mirror... so I can see.... myself one... last time," he cried.
POOF! A mirror magically appeared in Phil's hand. He was startled, of course, but took it in stride, lovingly cooing to himself as he looked at himself.
"You may choose next," the Urgu said, turning to Erik.
"I want to be able to see Lulu the Loud one last time," Erik said.
POOF! Lulu the Loud appeared, looking rather shaken and scared. Olaf looked at her with surprise. Something gleamed in his eyes.
"Lulu!" Erik cried. "You're not dead!"
After the five-minute long make-out session was over, the Urgu turned to Lulu. "What is your final wish?" he asked.
"I want to never die again," Lulu said. "Dying is scary."
"Very well," the Urgu said. "It is done." He then turned to Chia. "What is your wish?" he asked.
Chia grabbed Phil's mirror from him and held it aloft. "I want to be able to see who Is... THE ONE." she said softly.
"It is done," the Urgu said. Chia looked inside the mirror. With a scream, she dashed it onto the ground, breaking it into a million pieces. Before anyone could react, however, the Urgu had turned to George.
"I want to be brave for once in my life," George said.
"It shall happen," the Urgu said, turning to me.
"I want to know the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything," I said.
"Forty-two," the Urgu said, turning to Omar. Omar had been quiet up to this point. His eyes suddenly flamed with anger. Lifting up his eyes to the Urgu's face, he spoke.
"I want Olaf to die," he growled.
To be continued...
Needless to say, we were terribly beaten by the watchdogs. After we were dragged to an Urgurian jail cell by an Urgur, we awoke and saw that he was standing there, watching us.
"Oh, ye Vikings of the moern world!" He cried.
"He be talkin' to us?" Olaf asked.
"I think so," Erik the Noisy said. "Maybe we should ask him."
"No, you should ask ME," Phil said conceitedly.
"Then was he talking to us?" Chia asked annoyedly.
"Why wouldn't he?" Phi replied. "Who doesn't want to talk to me?"
The Urgu had completely ignored us, and had continued to speak over us. I had tried to catch what he was saying, but I couldn't over the incessant annoying talking that my compatriots were partaking in.
"... choice of death is to be yours, as well as your final wish," he was saying.
"So, we can choose how we die, and we can choose what our final wish is?" Olaf aske excitedly.
"Yes," the Urgu said. "You may."
"May we get our final wish granted before our execution?" Olaf asked.
"Of course," the Urgu said.
"May we collaborate?" Olaf asked.
"Indubitably," the Urgu said.
We quickly huddled up.
We unhuddled up.
"Ok, we want to ask our final wishes first," Olaf said.
"Then you may begin," the Urgu said, turning toward Phil. Phil had inconceivably began to start sobbing.
"I... want a mirror... so I can see.... myself one... last time," he cried.
POOF! A mirror magically appeared in Phil's hand. He was startled, of course, but took it in stride, lovingly cooing to himself as he looked at himself.
"You may choose next," the Urgu said, turning to Erik.
"I want to be able to see Lulu the Loud one last time," Erik said.
POOF! Lulu the Loud appeared, looking rather shaken and scared. Olaf looked at her with surprise. Something gleamed in his eyes.
"Lulu!" Erik cried. "You're not dead!"
After the five-minute long make-out session was over, the Urgu turned to Lulu. "What is your final wish?" he asked.
"I want to never die again," Lulu said. "Dying is scary."
"Very well," the Urgu said. "It is done." He then turned to Chia. "What is your wish?" he asked.
Chia grabbed Phil's mirror from him and held it aloft. "I want to be able to see who Is... THE ONE." she said softly.
"It is done," the Urgu said. Chia looked inside the mirror. With a scream, she dashed it onto the ground, breaking it into a million pieces. Before anyone could react, however, the Urgu had turned to George.
"I want to be brave for once in my life," George said.
"It shall happen," the Urgu said, turning to me.
"I want to know the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything," I said.
"Forty-two," the Urgu said, turning to Omar. Omar had been quiet up to this point. His eyes suddenly flamed with anger. Lifting up his eyes to the Urgu's face, he spoke.
"I want Olaf to die," he growled.
To be continued...
Friday, September 18, 2009
Soren's Story frever
Written by Soren the -Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on September 18th, 2009
After we had strolled on through the entrance, Olaf shouted, "YO! Anyone here?"
We were immediately surrounded by a large squadron of the Urgur Watchdogs that Lief had mentioned to us before.
"Sexist AND dumb," Chia muttered. "You really ARE the greatest Viking ever,"
"Thank you," Phil said.
"I was referring to Olaf," Chia growled.
"Phil slapped Olaf in the face," Phil said.
"Why did you say that?" George asked.
"Oh, my brain told my body to do something, but my body didn... um, I'm so dang smart, that my brain rejects any extraneous thought. Yeah, that's it," Phil said.
"So, are you actually gonna do it now?" Erik asked.
"Yeah," Phil said.
Phil slapped Olaf in the face. "Why are you stealing my praise, foo?" He screamed.
"That was an insult," Chia explained.
"Oh yeah," Phil said.
"I hate to be a bother," I said. "But we're still surrounded by the watchdogs."
And we were.
To be continued...
After we had strolled on through the entrance, Olaf shouted, "YO! Anyone here?"
We were immediately surrounded by a large squadron of the Urgur Watchdogs that Lief had mentioned to us before.
"Sexist AND dumb," Chia muttered. "You really ARE the greatest Viking ever,"
"Thank you," Phil said.
"I was referring to Olaf," Chia growled.
"Phil slapped Olaf in the face," Phil said.
"Why did you say that?" George asked.
"Oh, my brain told my body to do something, but my body didn... um, I'm so dang smart, that my brain rejects any extraneous thought. Yeah, that's it," Phil said.
"So, are you actually gonna do it now?" Erik asked.
"Yeah," Phil said.
Phil slapped Olaf in the face. "Why are you stealing my praise, foo?" He screamed.
"That was an insult," Chia explained.
"Oh yeah," Phil said.
"I hate to be a bother," I said. "But we're still surrounded by the watchdogs."
And we were.
To be continued...
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Keep on Goin', Soren's Story
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on September 17th, 2009
The Chia III reached the Urgur's stronghold two days before the final battle was due to start. The seven of us were tense with worry and fear. All except for Olaf, that is.
"So, if the Urgur can teleport anywhere they want at a moment's notice, and can kill with but a thought, why do they have a stronghold?" he asked.
"I don't know," I said.
"I think its a lack of thinking on the writer's part," Olaf said.
I didn't know what he was talking about, so I silently let him continue.
"I mean, sometimes, a writer will come up with a brilliant plot, but then create some-pumped-up uber-villians that no longer fit the environments thta the plot calls for. SO, the writer will simply leave the plot as it is, and will ignore the fact that it no longers entirely fits. I think that's what happened here with our writer,"
I decided to not let him continue.
"What ARE you talking about?" I asked.
"Come on! If you can't keep up, then what's the point in talking to me?" Olaf asked.
I agreed. I turned and walked the other way.
To be continued...
The Chia III reached the Urgur's stronghold two days before the final battle was due to start. The seven of us were tense with worry and fear. All except for Olaf, that is.
"So, if the Urgur can teleport anywhere they want at a moment's notice, and can kill with but a thought, why do they have a stronghold?" he asked.
"I don't know," I said.
"I think its a lack of thinking on the writer's part," Olaf said.
I didn't know what he was talking about, so I silently let him continue.
"I mean, sometimes, a writer will come up with a brilliant plot, but then create some-pumped-up uber-villians that no longer fit the environments thta the plot calls for. SO, the writer will simply leave the plot as it is, and will ignore the fact that it no longers entirely fits. I think that's what happened here with our writer,"
I decided to not let him continue.
"What ARE you talking about?" I asked.
"Come on! If you can't keep up, then what's the point in talking to me?" Olaf asked.
I agreed. I turned and walked the other way.
To be continued...
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Soren's Story again
We got into the boat that Lief had arranged for us. It was small, leaky, and splintery. Chia stopped us and told us that we needed to wait for a few minutes.
Five minutes later, the boat had transformed into a large, clogged, dreamboat. The only downside of it was that it was pink, but hey, when a female is fixing your boat for you, you know you gotta leave it how it is.
Olaf stepped aboard the boat and sniffed. "Ah, this is nice," he said. "I shall christen thee...."
"Chia II."
CHia slapped him across the face.
"Don't name things after me, you pig!" she roared.
"Chia III, then?" he asked.
"Much better," she said, turning and striding off to another part of the boat.
To be continued...
Five minutes later, the boat had transformed into a large, clogged, dreamboat. The only downside of it was that it was pink, but hey, when a female is fixing your boat for you, you know you gotta leave it how it is.
Olaf stepped aboard the boat and sniffed. "Ah, this is nice," he said. "I shall christen thee...."
"Chia II."
CHia slapped him across the face.
"Don't name things after me, you pig!" she roared.
"Chia III, then?" he asked.
"Much better," she said, turning and striding off to another part of the boat.
To be continued...
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Contiuation of Soren's Story
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on September 15, 2009
As the seven of us walked out the door, Olaf leaned over to me and whispered, "Hey, don't you think Chia the Mace is hot?"
"I am well into my seventies, young Olaf," I said. "Twould be wrong to judge her by her physical appearances."
"Come on, just say she's hot."
"I shall not."
"Come on!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"FINE I THINK CHIA THE MACE IS HOT!" I cried, merely to placate Olaf into shutting up.
Chia the Mace slapped me across the face.
To be continued...
As the seven of us walked out the door, Olaf leaned over to me and whispered, "Hey, don't you think Chia the Mace is hot?"
"I am well into my seventies, young Olaf," I said. "Twould be wrong to judge her by her physical appearances."
"Come on, just say she's hot."
"I shall not."
"Come on!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"FINE I THINK CHIA THE MACE IS HOT!" I cried, merely to placate Olaf into shutting up.
Chia the Mace slapped me across the face.
To be continued...
Monday, September 14, 2009
Soren's Story (Goin on...)
Written by Soen the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on September 14, 2009
As I was the last one to leave the conference room, I decided that I needed to ask Lief a question. "Sir," I called as I turned toward him. "Why do you have that dentist? Why are you covered in blood?"
"The dentist I picked up while infiltrating the base," he replied. "I've been trying to scare out what he was doing there."
"Torture's always an option," I said. The dentist screamed, then passed out.
"Now look what you've done," Lief said with disgust. Regaining his composure, he said, "This is my own blood; I got into a battle with one of the Urgur's watchdogs, and I barely escaped with my life."
"Urgurian watchdogs?" Olaf asked, peeking his head around the corner of the door. "What are those like?"
"Oh, they just bite your arms off with one of their 53 mouths," Lief said. "I didn't have any arms, so he just got my stumps. And I've lost more blood than this before."
"I see..." Olaf and I said.
We walked out.
To be continued....
As I was the last one to leave the conference room, I decided that I needed to ask Lief a question. "Sir," I called as I turned toward him. "Why do you have that dentist? Why are you covered in blood?"
"The dentist I picked up while infiltrating the base," he replied. "I've been trying to scare out what he was doing there."
"Torture's always an option," I said. The dentist screamed, then passed out.
"Now look what you've done," Lief said with disgust. Regaining his composure, he said, "This is my own blood; I got into a battle with one of the Urgur's watchdogs, and I barely escaped with my life."
"Urgurian watchdogs?" Olaf asked, peeking his head around the corner of the door. "What are those like?"
"Oh, they just bite your arms off with one of their 53 mouths," Lief said. "I didn't have any arms, so he just got my stumps. And I've lost more blood than this before."
"I see..." Olaf and I said.
We walked out.
To be continued....
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Soren's Story (S. Cont.)
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on September 12, 2009
When we arrived at CVU, the air was fraught with despair. We learned that many other ships had lost men to the Urgur messengers as well, and some had been completely obliterated. As we entered the CVU conference room, we could feel the tension and the worry.
A viking I had never seen before stood at the main table, looking up at us with a severe solemnity. "Our great leader and Dean, Lief the Armless, is currently tracking the Urgu to their place of war," he said. "He has left the defense of our people in charge of one man, someone who I am sure is here." The vikings present leaned in, wondering who could be our psued0-leader.
"The viking who shall take Lief's place, should he die," the severe viking said, "Is Olaf the Bald."
The vikings present gasped. Olaf whooped. He then ran down to the table and smacked the severe viking away.
"Ok," Olaf said in an almost giddy tone. "Here's what we need to do.... We need to get lots and lots of Pie, and then we'll..."
There was a brilliant flash of lightning, and the next thing we all knew, Thor had appeared.
"OLAF HENDERSON THE BALD!" He roared. "This is not a time for your foolish materialistic desires! This is a time for planning, for preparing, for WAR!" The vikings cheered.
"What do you suggest then, oh Great Thor?" Olaf sarcastically asked. "The Urgu can kill us with one wink of an eyecube..."
"Eyecube?" Thor questioned.
"I couldn't tell what shape its eyes were!" Olaf protested. "Anyway, how are we supposed to fight them? I thought it would be nice to indulge ourselves before we're mercillessly slaughtered."
"Your point is sound, Olaf," Thor said gravely. "Even so, your lazy desires gives me a desire to kill you along with your desire. You knowI cannot, since you have a great destiny to fulfill..."
"Yeah, about that," Olaf asked. "What exactly is this 'Great Destiny' people keep talking about?"
"If you want to find out, win this war," Thor said. "Now, I would say I value your opinion, but I don't, so I'm going to order you to accept what I'm telling you to do right now.
"There has been only one time when we vikings have joined forces with the other classes. That was when the Laotogo first attacked. I would say that this is a much more dire cause. Thus, we are teaming up with the other classes."
There was a murmur. "And how does that keep us from being massacred?" Olaf asked.
"Think about it, Olaf," Thor said impatiently. "These are the descendants of the same race that was nearly obliterated by Ninjas. What are Ninjas?"
"____heads," Olaf replied.
"Well, yes," Thor admitted. "But they are the descendants of a race of people that obliterated them."
"So?" Olaf said.
"So the Ninjas know the Urgur's weaknesses!" Thor cried.
"Then why would we team up with all the other classes?" Olaf countered. "They don't know how to defeat them; why should we work with them."
"I fear that is my fault," a voice said. Everyone's head turned toward the voice. We saw, with surprise, Lief the Armless. He was sopping wet with blood. A dentist was tied up next to him. He seemd unconscious.
"Viking scientists have noticed that the elcetricity levels of the world have been rapidly increasing for the last ten years," Lief said tiredly. "Evryone knows scientists can't keep their bloody mouths shut..."
"HA HA HA!" Olaf shrieked. "YOU have a bloody mouth too!"
"... so our scientists compared results with the other class's scientists," Lief said, ignoring Olaf's dumb outburst. "And they all saw the same thing. The scientists began to suspect that something terrifyingly terrible, dealing with electricity, was coming to our world. Through much extensive research, they realized that the Firey Urgur from the past would have evolved into something that could deal these massive amounts of energy. Just to be on the safe side, the scientists from each of the seven other classes convinced their leaders to buy the information on how to kill Urgur from the ninjas. I, on the other hand..." Lief sighed. "...did not."
"SO we're the only ones in the world who don't know how to kill the Urgur?" Olaf asked. Thor nodded.
"There's only one thing we can do," he said. "Join with the ninjas." TO everyone's surprise, Olaf and Lief both yelled, "NO!" at the exact same time.
"I refuse to be associated with these heathens!" Lief yelled.
"I refuse to be asscoiated with those losers!" Olaf cried.
"For someone who claims to love bing epic, Olaf, your choice of words never are." Thor said. "All right, leaders of the Vikings. How else do you expect us to save our entire race from going extinct?"
"Someone needs to do a covert operation and sneak into the Urgur's base, figure out what they're weak to," Lief said. "I tracked one of them to their base, so I know where it is."
"I shall lead this operation," Olaf volunteered.
"You'll need at least six others to go with you," Thor put in. Olaf grinned. "Oh, I know just the six," he said. He then pointed to six individual vikings.
First, to Omar the Bold. "Dog crap," he muttered.
Second, to George the Yellow. "I'm included!" he cried.
Third, to Erik the Noisy. "Pick Lulu too!" he called.
"Lulu's dead," Omar said bluntly.
"Oh yeah," Erik said.
Fourth, to Phil the Conceited. "I do love myself," he said, not paying attention.
Fifth, to me. I decided to refrain from commenting on being chosen.
And sixth, to some Viking from another crew. As the viking stood up, we could barely see what he looked like, do to how we were behind him and his back was turned to us, and how he was covered in a dark fur coat. "Why me?" he asked in a strange, falsetto voice.
"Well, duh," Olaf said. "You're totally hot." AT that, the viking threw off his fur coat, revealing from behind that the 'he' was a she. Walking up to Olaf, she slapped him across the face.
"Pig!" she cried, flipping her long, blond hair behind her. Angrily turning from the bewildered Olaf, she pulled out a red lipstick tube and quickly applied it. Closing it, she pulled out her Weapon of choice: a simple mace.
I am personally getting on in years, so I did not notice the young maiden's beauty. But all the vikings around me were excitedly talking, agreeing with Olaf's judgement: she was hot.
"My name is Chia the Mace," the maiden said threateningly, staring at Olaf with an intensity hot enough to scorch the sun. "And don't you forget it." Turning, she looked at one of the people she had been sitting next to. Olaf shakily nodded to Lief. Lief handed him a small piece of paper. Olaf walked around the table and passed in front of Chia.
Chia smiled at her friend, the one she had been sitting next to.
Olaf glanced over and stopped, staring at Chia's smile with a dumb-founded expression on his face. CHia glared at him, then haughtily walked out of the conference room.
The five of his compatriots left their seats and joined him. I was among them. Olaf shook his head.
"Let's go," he said.
To be continued...
When we arrived at CVU, the air was fraught with despair. We learned that many other ships had lost men to the Urgur messengers as well, and some had been completely obliterated. As we entered the CVU conference room, we could feel the tension and the worry.
A viking I had never seen before stood at the main table, looking up at us with a severe solemnity. "Our great leader and Dean, Lief the Armless, is currently tracking the Urgu to their place of war," he said. "He has left the defense of our people in charge of one man, someone who I am sure is here." The vikings present leaned in, wondering who could be our psued0-leader.
"The viking who shall take Lief's place, should he die," the severe viking said, "Is Olaf the Bald."
The vikings present gasped. Olaf whooped. He then ran down to the table and smacked the severe viking away.
"Ok," Olaf said in an almost giddy tone. "Here's what we need to do.... We need to get lots and lots of Pie, and then we'll..."
There was a brilliant flash of lightning, and the next thing we all knew, Thor had appeared.
"OLAF HENDERSON THE BALD!" He roared. "This is not a time for your foolish materialistic desires! This is a time for planning, for preparing, for WAR!" The vikings cheered.
"What do you suggest then, oh Great Thor?" Olaf sarcastically asked. "The Urgu can kill us with one wink of an eyecube..."
"Eyecube?" Thor questioned.
"I couldn't tell what shape its eyes were!" Olaf protested. "Anyway, how are we supposed to fight them? I thought it would be nice to indulge ourselves before we're mercillessly slaughtered."
"Your point is sound, Olaf," Thor said gravely. "Even so, your lazy desires gives me a desire to kill you along with your desire. You knowI cannot, since you have a great destiny to fulfill..."
"Yeah, about that," Olaf asked. "What exactly is this 'Great Destiny' people keep talking about?"
"If you want to find out, win this war," Thor said. "Now, I would say I value your opinion, but I don't, so I'm going to order you to accept what I'm telling you to do right now.
"There has been only one time when we vikings have joined forces with the other classes. That was when the Laotogo first attacked. I would say that this is a much more dire cause. Thus, we are teaming up with the other classes."
There was a murmur. "And how does that keep us from being massacred?" Olaf asked.
"Think about it, Olaf," Thor said impatiently. "These are the descendants of the same race that was nearly obliterated by Ninjas. What are Ninjas?"
"____heads," Olaf replied.
"Well, yes," Thor admitted. "But they are the descendants of a race of people that obliterated them."
"So?" Olaf said.
"So the Ninjas know the Urgur's weaknesses!" Thor cried.
"Then why would we team up with all the other classes?" Olaf countered. "They don't know how to defeat them; why should we work with them."
"I fear that is my fault," a voice said. Everyone's head turned toward the voice. We saw, with surprise, Lief the Armless. He was sopping wet with blood. A dentist was tied up next to him. He seemd unconscious.
"Viking scientists have noticed that the elcetricity levels of the world have been rapidly increasing for the last ten years," Lief said tiredly. "Evryone knows scientists can't keep their bloody mouths shut..."
"HA HA HA!" Olaf shrieked. "YOU have a bloody mouth too!"
"... so our scientists compared results with the other class's scientists," Lief said, ignoring Olaf's dumb outburst. "And they all saw the same thing. The scientists began to suspect that something terrifyingly terrible, dealing with electricity, was coming to our world. Through much extensive research, they realized that the Firey Urgur from the past would have evolved into something that could deal these massive amounts of energy. Just to be on the safe side, the scientists from each of the seven other classes convinced their leaders to buy the information on how to kill Urgur from the ninjas. I, on the other hand..." Lief sighed. "...did not."
"SO we're the only ones in the world who don't know how to kill the Urgur?" Olaf asked. Thor nodded.
"There's only one thing we can do," he said. "Join with the ninjas." TO everyone's surprise, Olaf and Lief both yelled, "NO!" at the exact same time.
"I refuse to be associated with these heathens!" Lief yelled.
"I refuse to be asscoiated with those losers!" Olaf cried.
"For someone who claims to love bing epic, Olaf, your choice of words never are." Thor said. "All right, leaders of the Vikings. How else do you expect us to save our entire race from going extinct?"
"Someone needs to do a covert operation and sneak into the Urgur's base, figure out what they're weak to," Lief said. "I tracked one of them to their base, so I know where it is."
"I shall lead this operation," Olaf volunteered.
"You'll need at least six others to go with you," Thor put in. Olaf grinned. "Oh, I know just the six," he said. He then pointed to six individual vikings.
First, to Omar the Bold. "Dog crap," he muttered.
Second, to George the Yellow. "I'm included!" he cried.
Third, to Erik the Noisy. "Pick Lulu too!" he called.
"Lulu's dead," Omar said bluntly.
"Oh yeah," Erik said.
Fourth, to Phil the Conceited. "I do love myself," he said, not paying attention.
Fifth, to me. I decided to refrain from commenting on being chosen.
And sixth, to some Viking from another crew. As the viking stood up, we could barely see what he looked like, do to how we were behind him and his back was turned to us, and how he was covered in a dark fur coat. "Why me?" he asked in a strange, falsetto voice.
"Well, duh," Olaf said. "You're totally hot." AT that, the viking threw off his fur coat, revealing from behind that the 'he' was a she. Walking up to Olaf, she slapped him across the face.
"Pig!" she cried, flipping her long, blond hair behind her. Angrily turning from the bewildered Olaf, she pulled out a red lipstick tube and quickly applied it. Closing it, she pulled out her Weapon of choice: a simple mace.
I am personally getting on in years, so I did not notice the young maiden's beauty. But all the vikings around me were excitedly talking, agreeing with Olaf's judgement: she was hot.
"My name is Chia the Mace," the maiden said threateningly, staring at Olaf with an intensity hot enough to scorch the sun. "And don't you forget it." Turning, she looked at one of the people she had been sitting next to. Olaf shakily nodded to Lief. Lief handed him a small piece of paper. Olaf walked around the table and passed in front of Chia.
Chia smiled at her friend, the one she had been sitting next to.
Olaf glanced over and stopped, staring at Chia's smile with a dumb-founded expression on his face. CHia glared at him, then haughtily walked out of the conference room.
The five of his compatriots left their seats and joined him. I was among them. Olaf shook his head.
"Let's go," he said.
To be continued...
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Soren's Story (Continued)
Written by Soren the Hard-of Hearing Scribe on Sepetember 6, 2009
As soon as the Urgu had left, Gregory the Hairy jumped out of his seat and ran to the spot where the Urgu had left. Before he reached it, however, he stopped. Reaching a hand out, it suddenly disappeared. Before anyone could gasp, however, he had drawn it back, and his hand was still intact.
"Whatever he used to disappear like that left a trace," he proclaimed. "Does anyone want to follow the Urgu and see what is happening wherever he went to?" No-one moved.
Suddenly, the ceiling exploded inward. Some of the Viking Chicks screamed as a dark figure fell onto the table. Jumping up, the dark figure yelled, "Was an Urgu here?" As the dust cleared, we saw that it was Lief the Armless. A huge sword was clenched between his teeth. No one responded; Gregory simply pointed to the spot where his hand had disappeared. With a savage roar, Lief dived into where he had pointed. There was a brilliant flash of light, and the leader of the Vikings disappeared.
Everyone sat in stunned silence. Erik the Noisy was the first to break it, running over to his now-dead girlfriend and sobbing. For everyone else, the silence became greater; no Viking had cried for the death of another since the Time Machine incident, where Chompsky the Inventor's wife had cried when he had been left behind.
Vikings do not cry for the death of others; we know that they are having a better existance on the other side. The only sad thing about death is how that dead person is no longer able to assist their enemies into enlightenment, which, in turn, turns them to friends.
Olaf was the next to speak. "When a Main Character dies," he intoned. "It shows that the story is coming to a close."
Gregory chouted, "Get everyone on the ship! We're meeting at CVU!" That is where the Vikings decided to meet should any sign of a mass destruction take place.
We were there the next day.
To be continued...
As soon as the Urgu had left, Gregory the Hairy jumped out of his seat and ran to the spot where the Urgu had left. Before he reached it, however, he stopped. Reaching a hand out, it suddenly disappeared. Before anyone could gasp, however, he had drawn it back, and his hand was still intact.
"Whatever he used to disappear like that left a trace," he proclaimed. "Does anyone want to follow the Urgu and see what is happening wherever he went to?" No-one moved.
Suddenly, the ceiling exploded inward. Some of the Viking Chicks screamed as a dark figure fell onto the table. Jumping up, the dark figure yelled, "Was an Urgu here?" As the dust cleared, we saw that it was Lief the Armless. A huge sword was clenched between his teeth. No one responded; Gregory simply pointed to the spot where his hand had disappeared. With a savage roar, Lief dived into where he had pointed. There was a brilliant flash of light, and the leader of the Vikings disappeared.
Everyone sat in stunned silence. Erik the Noisy was the first to break it, running over to his now-dead girlfriend and sobbing. For everyone else, the silence became greater; no Viking had cried for the death of another since the Time Machine incident, where Chompsky the Inventor's wife had cried when he had been left behind.
Vikings do not cry for the death of others; we know that they are having a better existance on the other side. The only sad thing about death is how that dead person is no longer able to assist their enemies into enlightenment, which, in turn, turns them to friends.
Olaf was the next to speak. "When a Main Character dies," he intoned. "It shows that the story is coming to a close."
Gregory chouted, "Get everyone on the ship! We're meeting at CVU!" That is where the Vikings decided to meet should any sign of a mass destruction take place.
We were there the next day.
To be continued...
Friday, September 11, 2009
Soren's Story
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on September 4, 2009
Something happened yesterday that changed how all of Vikings see existance. As it has always been my duty to record the history of whatever is happening around me at that time, I have no choice but to chronicle the happenings.
This was written on September 4th, but will be published online on September 11th, for reasons that I will keep to myself.
It all happened yesterday, Spetember 3rd. The Viking crew of the Bloodhound II were sitting around the mess hall table when we heard a strange knock at the door. Mystified, we sent Omar the Bold to go investigate the knocking. After he had opened the door, we saw the most strange sight.
A figure stood in the doorway, seemingly completely naked, though it was hard to tell if this was true or not, due to the violent, crackling blue light that encircled it's entire body. It hovered a few inches above the floor, and appeared to be looking at us, though no eyes were visible on it's face, along with every single other facial feature. It's hands had no fingers, as far as I could tell, and it's feet seemd to fade away into nothing at the ends. Looking directly at Chieftain Gregory the Hairy, it spoke. No mouth moved, as it had none, but the words seemed to penetrate our ears nonetheless.
"I am a representative of the Urgurian class that was seemingly destroyed by the Ninja class long ago," the figure said. Many of the Vikings that were seated around the table gasped; all knew of the story of the Urgur class. I will not go into a detailed description of their terrible history, but you may research it yourself throughout Olaf's blog; I suggest you start with his short viking history, entitled Classes, Sub-Classes, Wanna-Be Classes, and Glasses.
"Despite your puny, false beliefs," the Urgu continued, "SOME of us Urgur survived. We have lain in wait, waiting for the opportunity to enact our revenge on all who allowed us to be massacred by Ninjas. Though Ninjas shall feel the largest blow, Vikings are no exception to our oncoming wrath. As you have quarreled and fought one another, thinning each other's ranks, we have merely grown. We have also evolved into something much, much more greater than you could have ever imagined. I will demonstrate."
Before anyone could move, two Vikings suddenly gasped. The next thing we knew, they were dead, fallen into the food in an almost comical way. The two vikings were Rasputin the Healer and Lulu the Loud.
"LULU!" Erik cried, stricken beyond all belief. Before any of us could come to anyone's aid, the Urgu continued. "Unlike the treachery and trickery that allowed us to be killed, we shall meet all those who allowed us to die in a fair, open battle in the fields of Regundor. Representatives of my race have been sent to all those who apply." The figure then gave us a sort of awkward salute.
"We will meet you in three day's time," he said. There was a brilliant flash of light.
The Urgu was gone.
To be continued...
Something happened yesterday that changed how all of Vikings see existance. As it has always been my duty to record the history of whatever is happening around me at that time, I have no choice but to chronicle the happenings.
This was written on September 4th, but will be published online on September 11th, for reasons that I will keep to myself.
It all happened yesterday, Spetember 3rd. The Viking crew of the Bloodhound II were sitting around the mess hall table when we heard a strange knock at the door. Mystified, we sent Omar the Bold to go investigate the knocking. After he had opened the door, we saw the most strange sight.
A figure stood in the doorway, seemingly completely naked, though it was hard to tell if this was true or not, due to the violent, crackling blue light that encircled it's entire body. It hovered a few inches above the floor, and appeared to be looking at us, though no eyes were visible on it's face, along with every single other facial feature. It's hands had no fingers, as far as I could tell, and it's feet seemd to fade away into nothing at the ends. Looking directly at Chieftain Gregory the Hairy, it spoke. No mouth moved, as it had none, but the words seemed to penetrate our ears nonetheless.
"I am a representative of the Urgurian class that was seemingly destroyed by the Ninja class long ago," the figure said. Many of the Vikings that were seated around the table gasped; all knew of the story of the Urgur class. I will not go into a detailed description of their terrible history, but you may research it yourself throughout Olaf's blog; I suggest you start with his short viking history, entitled Classes, Sub-Classes, Wanna-Be Classes, and Glasses.
"Despite your puny, false beliefs," the Urgu continued, "SOME of us Urgur survived. We have lain in wait, waiting for the opportunity to enact our revenge on all who allowed us to be massacred by Ninjas. Though Ninjas shall feel the largest blow, Vikings are no exception to our oncoming wrath. As you have quarreled and fought one another, thinning each other's ranks, we have merely grown. We have also evolved into something much, much more greater than you could have ever imagined. I will demonstrate."
Before anyone could move, two Vikings suddenly gasped. The next thing we knew, they were dead, fallen into the food in an almost comical way. The two vikings were Rasputin the Healer and Lulu the Loud.
"LULU!" Erik cried, stricken beyond all belief. Before any of us could come to anyone's aid, the Urgu continued. "Unlike the treachery and trickery that allowed us to be killed, we shall meet all those who allowed us to die in a fair, open battle in the fields of Regundor. Representatives of my race have been sent to all those who apply." The figure then gave us a sort of awkward salute.
"We will meet you in three day's time," he said. There was a brilliant flash of light.
The Urgu was gone.
To be continued...
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Simple
Sometimes It's best, it seems,
to look at life through it's gleams
and do not try to escalate,
or death will be your gruesome fate
So look around your puny world,
there's not much left, our numbers curl
one small act is all we need
start the boulder, say the creed.
Olaf the BAAAAAALD!
to look at life through it's gleams
and do not try to escalate,
or death will be your gruesome fate
So look around your puny world,
there's not much left, our numbers curl
one small act is all we need
start the boulder, say the creed.
Olaf the BAAAAAALD!
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Post for P-----
All right! The TAT team won! And I was technically a contributing player, since I had an actual position: Left Bench! We won 6-2!
Twas Sweet.
Olaf the BAAAAAALD!
Twas Sweet.
Olaf the BAAAAAALD!
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