Dwarves*

All right, first post of the new month, which is the third month, which isn't really the third month, cuz the first month is actually half a month, and its not the first post, since there was that poll result post, but this has to be the second post, since if I don't count all the posts like I do in my head, I'd only have thirty actual posts, which stinks on at least six levels.

Anyways, I'm here to talk about Dwarves today. Why? Because they're FREAKIN' SWEET!

In all actuality, Dwarves are probably related to Vikings in someway, but we can't REALLY know, since SOMEONE broke the Time Machine and No-One has any records.

Hold on, I need to split. The Bloodhound is being attacked by a buncha Environmentalists. Apparently, our motor** is causing too much pollution. But since we Vikings are a full class and Environmentalists are only a minro class, I'm sure we'll have no problem beating them.

Hello. This is Omar the Bold. It's been a while since I last talked with you, May 22, I think, but I'm hacking into Olaf's post in order to let you know some things. First, it was OLAF who broke the time machine. And second, after everyone had killed or forcibly fed meat to their Environmentalists, Olaf was still being beaten by an environmentalist with a blade of grass. He was crying like a baby, and only George the Yellow, out of pity, went to go help him out. Sadly, George got scared, and he was soon being beaten up by the Environmentalist. If it had just been Olaf, we would have left him there forever, but since George was in trouble, we rescued him. Oop, here Olaf comes...

Ignoring the bolded text that randomly appeared, I have to say, Omar is SUCH a good friend! I recieved a battle wound in our battle with the tree-huggers, and as I walked back to the computer, nursing it, Omar said in a strange tone, "Poor Olaf, do you want a hug?" Though I was willing to take him up on that offer, he calimed the tone he was using was sarcasm. Whatever THAT is.

Anyway, think about it! Dwarves have beards, carry hammers and axes, and like anything that makes you have to go through a DUI! Vikings have beards***, some carry hammers and axes, and like anything that makes you have to go through a DUI! BRILLIANT!

There are two major differences between Vikings and Dwarves, however. One is, Dwarves hate water, while Vikings LOOOOOOVE it!**** The other is that Dwarves are short, and Vikings are tall.

One of the smarterest Vikings, Leif the Armless of CVU, suspects that the Dwarves were actually part of the same Viking tribe that was nearly obliterated by The Unknown. After the hot Viking Female and the Ugly-if-Female-to-referring-to-him VIking Male started up the VIking class once more, Leif guesses that a few hundred years later, some curious Vikings went onto the sea and were capsized by a Kraken. Getting pulled down thousands of feet in a matter of seconds, cutting themselves free, and propelling themselves by farting, the overboard Vikings found themselves compressed by the awesome pressure found the farther you go below the surface. Of course, we only guess this now because of the available technologies in the modern world.

The overboard vikings, shrunk by pressure and now deathly afraid of water, began to stick to the caves. Leif assumes those Vikings decided to change their name, but gradually, in a way that no one could follow. Soon, they had changed their names to Dwarves.

Today, we VIkings are on good terms with Dwarves, though they disagree with our theories that they came from us. Instead, they say that WE came from THEM. And that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life.

I frive a shopping cart!

Olaf the BAAAAALD!

*I am not referring to dwarfism, I'm talking about the short, bearded dudes that either like or dislike elves depending on continuity in specific universes.

**Which we definitely don't have.

***Ceptin' for poor little old me, who can't even grow PEACH FUZZ!

****Who out there remembers these guys, eh? Eh?