Hello. This is not the Fictional Character of Olaf the Bald that you have all come to know. This is the creator of that character, the creator of Omar the Bold, Erik the Noisy, George the Yellow, Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe, Phil the Conceited, Gregory the Hairy, Lulu the Loud, Chia the Mace, Ilmig the Carpenter Dwarf, and many, many others.
I started this fictional blog less than a year ago, right after I received the last expected rejection letter for the Children's book that I had just written. As all writers do, I planned on picking myself up and starting on a new project.
However, since I the new project I planned on working on was much darker less humorous than the Children's book, as is my usual writing style, I decided to express my humor in a day-to-day blog from my favorite class's perspective. Thus, I began.
The darker, less humorous novel is still in the works. However, I no longer wish to have a conflict between the two if no one views the project that I shove out there for all to see. I usually slave to get a post published, and yet, when I do, no one reads it. Even worse, I feel guilty when I DON'T get a post published. Its time to change.
Until I get some sort of support from more than one or two people, Viking Rants: by Olaf the Bald is over. Just a friendly reminder that someone actually does appreciate what I'm doing would be swell. The novel I'm working on may or may not be published, so this may be the last time you ever hear from me.
Thanks to all those who still read and/or love this blog. I'm sorry if I'm abandoning you, but sometimes, you've got to make that choice. If I get enough support, this post will disappear, and the CRUD storyline will continue from where it was.
And so, for one last final cheer:
Olaf the BAAAAALD!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
CRUD part 5
We floated into the harbor of a crescent-shaped island. As we docked in the sand, several strange creatures approached us. They were less strange than some of the other creatures I meet up with, since these creatures, you'll actually know what they are: Centaurs.
"Welcome to our humble commode, fair Vikings," a female centaur graciously bowed.
"It's ABODE, Doris," a male centaur hissed.
"Oh, I mean abode, fair vikings," Doris said, sweeping an arm back behind her as though we were seeing the island for the first time. IDC grumbled something about being a dwarf, not a Viking.
I began to ask questions of the centaurs, intrigued how there were so many on this single island, as I had quickly counted that there were over five thousand.
Apparently, this was the last group of centaurs alive in the entire world; or, at least, that they were aware of. I wasn't sure, myself; I hadn't seen centaurs since April 8th. They explained that a mysterious disease had begun to kill off their entire race, and that these were the only ones that had been unaffected by it. They had travelled to this secluded spot so they could try to rebuild their society, living on the local fried monkey and strange, purple berries that they called 'Plerries.' Since there were so few of them, they refused to participate in war of any kind. They had relinquished their bows, and had even begun a religion centering around a strange, glowing yellow stone that floated in the middle of the island. They called the stone the 'Source of Power for Love and Happiness.' I was suspicious of these strange, pacifistic centaurs, but IDC took one sniff of them and refused to budge from his ship.
"Something is wrong here, Olaf," he muttered. Not wanting to offend either dwarf nor centaur, I decided to step off the ship alone.
"Would you like food, dear Viking?" Doris asked. I was about to decline, but my stomach grumbled loudly. Doris smiled a sincere, benevolent smile. "Come with me, then," she said, turning and galloping through the forest.
We ate monkeys and Plerries whie gathered around the 'Source of Power for Love and Happiness.' It was only the size of a gobstopper, but it floated in the air as though it were held up by fishing line. I commented on it, and Doris smiled that benevolent, sincere smile. It reminded me of Chia the Mace, but Dori's smile was nowhere near as lovely as Chia's, nor was Chia's smile nearly so hairy.
"It is our belief that this stone is the reason for why we have decided to take vows of peace," Doris said. "We believe that it permeates through our being the feeling of love and peace that we all now feel." I was skeptical; the only centaurs I'd ever met were bloodthirsty, savage beasts.
"So what would you do if someone came and tried to kill you all off?" I asked.
"Like who?" Doris asked.
"Umbridge," I said.
Doris looked confused, so I hastily continued. "Just anyone," I said.
"Why, we would let them kill us," DOris said serenely.
"Why?" I asked. "You would let the last of your people die to save them from killing someone?"
"Yes," Doris said.
I was as yet unconvinced, but I continued to eat the Plerries and moneky with the other centaurs. Suddenly, one of the older ones stood. He walked to me and said, "This one has felt the peace."
"The Peace," the centaurs echoed.
"He must be given the greatest task," the older centaur said. Before I knew what was happening, the centaurs were gingerly wrapping my weapons in cloths and placing them underneath the 'Source of Power for Love and Happiness.' I began to protest, but Doris raised a hand.
"Wait," she said. I waited.
"Go and pick them up," she said.
I walked underneath the strange, glowing, yellow stone and picked up the cloth-wrapped weapons. I unfloded one of them away, and my Nun-Chucks fell out. Reaching out, I tried to touch them.
I stopped.
I was suddenly filled with revulsion at the weapon. SUrely violence was not the answer? Surely peace was the better way? I dropped my covered machete with disgust. The centaurs politely snapped their fingers.
"Do you feel the peace?" The elderly centaur asked.
"Yes," I said, almost surprising myself.
"DO you wish to war?" he asked.
"Never again," I vowed. He smiled.
"You are now bound to us," he said with a smile full of sincere love.
To be continued...
"Welcome to our humble commode, fair Vikings," a female centaur graciously bowed.
"It's ABODE, Doris," a male centaur hissed.
"Oh, I mean abode, fair vikings," Doris said, sweeping an arm back behind her as though we were seeing the island for the first time. IDC grumbled something about being a dwarf, not a Viking.
I began to ask questions of the centaurs, intrigued how there were so many on this single island, as I had quickly counted that there were over five thousand.
Apparently, this was the last group of centaurs alive in the entire world; or, at least, that they were aware of. I wasn't sure, myself; I hadn't seen centaurs since April 8th. They explained that a mysterious disease had begun to kill off their entire race, and that these were the only ones that had been unaffected by it. They had travelled to this secluded spot so they could try to rebuild their society, living on the local fried monkey and strange, purple berries that they called 'Plerries.' Since there were so few of them, they refused to participate in war of any kind. They had relinquished their bows, and had even begun a religion centering around a strange, glowing yellow stone that floated in the middle of the island. They called the stone the 'Source of Power for Love and Happiness.' I was suspicious of these strange, pacifistic centaurs, but IDC took one sniff of them and refused to budge from his ship.
"Something is wrong here, Olaf," he muttered. Not wanting to offend either dwarf nor centaur, I decided to step off the ship alone.
"Would you like food, dear Viking?" Doris asked. I was about to decline, but my stomach grumbled loudly. Doris smiled a sincere, benevolent smile. "Come with me, then," she said, turning and galloping through the forest.
We ate monkeys and Plerries whie gathered around the 'Source of Power for Love and Happiness.' It was only the size of a gobstopper, but it floated in the air as though it were held up by fishing line. I commented on it, and Doris smiled that benevolent, sincere smile. It reminded me of Chia the Mace, but Dori's smile was nowhere near as lovely as Chia's, nor was Chia's smile nearly so hairy.
"It is our belief that this stone is the reason for why we have decided to take vows of peace," Doris said. "We believe that it permeates through our being the feeling of love and peace that we all now feel." I was skeptical; the only centaurs I'd ever met were bloodthirsty, savage beasts.
"So what would you do if someone came and tried to kill you all off?" I asked.
"Like who?" Doris asked.
"Umbridge," I said.
Doris looked confused, so I hastily continued. "Just anyone," I said.
"Why, we would let them kill us," DOris said serenely.
"Why?" I asked. "You would let the last of your people die to save them from killing someone?"
"Yes," Doris said.
I was as yet unconvinced, but I continued to eat the Plerries and moneky with the other centaurs. Suddenly, one of the older ones stood. He walked to me and said, "This one has felt the peace."
"The Peace," the centaurs echoed.
"He must be given the greatest task," the older centaur said. Before I knew what was happening, the centaurs were gingerly wrapping my weapons in cloths and placing them underneath the 'Source of Power for Love and Happiness.' I began to protest, but Doris raised a hand.
"Wait," she said. I waited.
"Go and pick them up," she said.
I walked underneath the strange, glowing, yellow stone and picked up the cloth-wrapped weapons. I unfloded one of them away, and my Nun-Chucks fell out. Reaching out, I tried to touch them.
I stopped.
I was suddenly filled with revulsion at the weapon. SUrely violence was not the answer? Surely peace was the better way? I dropped my covered machete with disgust. The centaurs politely snapped their fingers.
"Do you feel the peace?" The elderly centaur asked.
"Yes," I said, almost surprising myself.
"DO you wish to war?" he asked.
"Never again," I vowed. He smiled.
"You are now bound to us," he said with a smile full of sincere love.
To be continued...
Monday, October 26, 2009
CURD part 4
"Who the heck are you?" I asked.
"I am Ilmig the Carpenter Dwarf," the short, bearded person said, pulling out two oars and beginning to frantically row away from the towering rock. "But your friends called me IDC."
I suddenly recognized him. I had seen him standing next to Soren as I had attacked the First Ones. "So, you're a profession-confused dwarf named after a backwards LOTR character?" I asked.
IDC looked somewhat disgruntled. "Yes," he said irritably.
"Oh, interesting," I said. "Either way, I'm glad that a dwarf was the one to rescue me, especially one that I met online."
"STALKER!" IDC yelled, pulling a hammer out of no where and proceeding to beat the crud out of me with it.
With the mention of the word 'crud,' one of the CRUD's purple-head ships appeared right above us. "DIE, PRISONER!" a disembodied voice yelled.
"I mean that I read about you in Soren's account about the Urgur!" I screamed.
"Oh. Sorry!" IDC said sheepishly.
Five CRUD agents, all still dressed in long, purple cloaks. They landed in the water around us, and all raised their R-Guns at us.
"DUCK!" I yelled, grabbing IDC's head and shoving it to the bottom of the boat. I could feel the invisible blasts of the R-Guns pass right over us. Quickly standing up, I launched myself at the nearest one. He had no clue as to what happened, as the next second, his skull was cracked in four different places.
I felt myself get hit with a R-Gun blast; this one felt like a sword. As I gaspd with pain, I saw that IDC was building something with that impossible speed that Soren described in my blog. To my amazement, he had built a warship in five seconds. With a roar, he blasted two of the other CRUD agents with his cannons.
I quickly swam under the rowboat and stabbed the fourth CRUD agent. As he gurgled to a stop, I targeted the fifth CRUD agent. As I headed toward him, I yelled, "YOu know why you guys have nothing on me?"
"Why?" the CRUD agent cried, shooting a blast at me that felt like a tank's shell.
"Your guns don't do damage, only pain!" I screamed in triumph. With a earth-shattering smash, I split the guy's skull in two. Looking up, I beckoned to the purple-head ship.
The ship turned away from me and sped off toward the tower. I laughed. A rope landed in the water next to me, and I pulled myself up next to IDC.
"Good work," I commented.
"You too," IDC said smugly.
"So how'd you find where I was?" I asked.
"I didn't," IDC said. "I've been trying to learn how to get over my hydrophobia so I can come join up with my ancient Viking roots..."
"Glad you see it my way..." I said.
"And as I floated around on one of the rivers of Regundor, a freak hurricane hit me and I ended up here. I've been getting messgaes from the Bloodhound III, so I know you've been missing for months."
"I see," I said slowly. "Well, let's change that." Standing up, I screamed, "I WILL RETURN TO URBIA!"
We've been heading toward Greenland ever since. I haven't seen any CRUD agents since that Purple-Headed ship flew away. We've been on the water for two days now, and I've been using the laptop CRUD gave me to blog. IDC just muttered something about how his instruments are acting screwy. I'd better go help.
Olaf the BAAAAALD!
"I am Ilmig the Carpenter Dwarf," the short, bearded person said, pulling out two oars and beginning to frantically row away from the towering rock. "But your friends called me IDC."
I suddenly recognized him. I had seen him standing next to Soren as I had attacked the First Ones. "So, you're a profession-confused dwarf named after a backwards LOTR character?" I asked.
IDC looked somewhat disgruntled. "Yes," he said irritably.
"Oh, interesting," I said. "Either way, I'm glad that a dwarf was the one to rescue me, especially one that I met online."
"STALKER!" IDC yelled, pulling a hammer out of no where and proceeding to beat the crud out of me with it.
With the mention of the word 'crud,' one of the CRUD's purple-head ships appeared right above us. "DIE, PRISONER!" a disembodied voice yelled.
"I mean that I read about you in Soren's account about the Urgur!" I screamed.
"Oh. Sorry!" IDC said sheepishly.
Five CRUD agents, all still dressed in long, purple cloaks. They landed in the water around us, and all raised their R-Guns at us.
"DUCK!" I yelled, grabbing IDC's head and shoving it to the bottom of the boat. I could feel the invisible blasts of the R-Guns pass right over us. Quickly standing up, I launched myself at the nearest one. He had no clue as to what happened, as the next second, his skull was cracked in four different places.
I felt myself get hit with a R-Gun blast; this one felt like a sword. As I gaspd with pain, I saw that IDC was building something with that impossible speed that Soren described in my blog. To my amazement, he had built a warship in five seconds. With a roar, he blasted two of the other CRUD agents with his cannons.
I quickly swam under the rowboat and stabbed the fourth CRUD agent. As he gurgled to a stop, I targeted the fifth CRUD agent. As I headed toward him, I yelled, "YOu know why you guys have nothing on me?"
"Why?" the CRUD agent cried, shooting a blast at me that felt like a tank's shell.
"Your guns don't do damage, only pain!" I screamed in triumph. With a earth-shattering smash, I split the guy's skull in two. Looking up, I beckoned to the purple-head ship.
The ship turned away from me and sped off toward the tower. I laughed. A rope landed in the water next to me, and I pulled myself up next to IDC.
"Good work," I commented.
"You too," IDC said smugly.
"So how'd you find where I was?" I asked.
"I didn't," IDC said. "I've been trying to learn how to get over my hydrophobia so I can come join up with my ancient Viking roots..."
"Glad you see it my way..." I said.
"And as I floated around on one of the rivers of Regundor, a freak hurricane hit me and I ended up here. I've been getting messgaes from the Bloodhound III, so I know you've been missing for months."
"I see," I said slowly. "Well, let's change that." Standing up, I screamed, "I WILL RETURN TO URBIA!"
We've been heading toward Greenland ever since. I haven't seen any CRUD agents since that Purple-Headed ship flew away. We've been on the water for two days now, and I've been using the laptop CRUD gave me to blog. IDC just muttered something about how his instruments are acting screwy. I'd better go help.
Olaf the BAAAAALD!
Sunday, October 25, 2009
CRUD part 3
All right, here's what happened:
My escape plan involved strenghtening my Nun-Chucks by lubricating them with saliva, as everyone knows that Viking spit has the strength of ten bulls. After fifty days of saliva strengthened my weapon (I would have lubricated my machete, too, but after I nearly lost my tongue the first time ...)
So, with a earth-shattering Olaf the BAAAAALD! (I know you've been waiting for that to come back) I smashed the jail cell door clean off.
I found myself in a long hallway. I went right and saw a squadron of twelve CRUD agents heading toward me. I did an abrupt about-face and saw twenty CRUD agents heading toward me. All thirty-two of them leveled their R-Guns at me and yelled, "The prisoner is escaping!"
"Time to get jiggy," I laughed.
Diving at the twenty group, I quickly slashed one's head off while slamming a hole into the gut of another. An invisible swarm of bees began to sting me at the same time that I got slapped in the face, but I ignored the R-Guns' blasts and continued to kill.
I had just dispatched ten of the twenty when the twelve fell upon us. It was then that I felt the train again. Getting blasted all the way to the other end of the hallway, I fell onto my knees. The twenty two CRUD agents pointed their guns. I dove around the corner as the wall exploded, sending bits and pieces of rocks and bricks everywhere. As the CRUD agents headed toward me, I saw thirty more agents coming up the hallway that I had just jumped into. With a sigh, I dove out the hole.
"Maybe I should have looked before I leapt," I murmured. I was in a tall tower that was surrounded by dark, gray mist. The tower stretched to the ground farther than I could see, and the mists seemed to swallow the lower parts of it up. I heard a shout from above me. Decding to ignore the likelyhood that I would fall to my death, I turned.
Ten CRUD agents had jumped out of the hole after me, and they were all leveling their R-guns at me. I quickly spread my body into the eagle position, and I quickly soared up to the first Agent. A savage blast hit me in the chest, and I was blown through the air away from the tower. Three more blasts it me with quick succession, and the tower and the agents quickly faded from view. I heard one of the agents shout, "You fool! You've sent him away from us with your casual shots!"
Since I no longer saw anyone or anything, I flipped around to face downward. I still saw no movement, and the pain from the attacks from the R-guns still hurt. As I recovered, I waited to see how long it would take before I hit the bottom.
I had counted to one thousand and three out loud before I heard a voice shout, It sounded as though it came from a speaker, and it echoed all around me. "Remove the Concealing mist!" it said.
Suddenly, the dark gray mist disappeared. I saw the tower some three hundred yards to my right. The ten CRUD agents from before were still falling parallel to me. One of them pointed and yelled, "There he is!"
I quickly looked down and saw that the ground was still some distance away. I looked back over at the agents. Suddenly, a strange, flying ship flew up from below. It looked exactly like a purple, chiseled, body-builder's head. The mouth opened, and the ten Agents 'swam' into it. The Purple head turned toward me. Three missiles slowly slid out from all four sides.
"Oh, crud," I moaned.
The twelve missiles blasted toward me. I defended myself the best I could, slicing the missiles in half and smashing their noses in. One still hit me, though, and blasted me several hundred yards further from the tower.
Gasping from the pain, I looked up to see the ship still bearing down on me. I 'swam toward it, engaging in a deadly game of chicken. With a snarl, I slammed my Nun-chucks and Machete on it.
The ship exploded. The blast caused me even more pain, and it sent me even further than before. I looked down and saw that I was right above the sea. Looking down at the base of the tower- which was now visible- I saw that the whole thing rested on only one rock. With a yell, I crashed into the water. The next thing I knew, a rough hand had grabbed my hair and had pulled me into a boat.
"Hello," the short person said, stroking his beard and giving me a grin. "I've been wondering where you were."
To be continued...
My escape plan involved strenghtening my Nun-Chucks by lubricating them with saliva, as everyone knows that Viking spit has the strength of ten bulls. After fifty days of saliva strengthened my weapon (I would have lubricated my machete, too, but after I nearly lost my tongue the first time ...)
So, with a earth-shattering Olaf the BAAAAALD! (I know you've been waiting for that to come back) I smashed the jail cell door clean off.
I found myself in a long hallway. I went right and saw a squadron of twelve CRUD agents heading toward me. I did an abrupt about-face and saw twenty CRUD agents heading toward me. All thirty-two of them leveled their R-Guns at me and yelled, "The prisoner is escaping!"
"Time to get jiggy," I laughed.
Diving at the twenty group, I quickly slashed one's head off while slamming a hole into the gut of another. An invisible swarm of bees began to sting me at the same time that I got slapped in the face, but I ignored the R-Guns' blasts and continued to kill.
I had just dispatched ten of the twenty when the twelve fell upon us. It was then that I felt the train again. Getting blasted all the way to the other end of the hallway, I fell onto my knees. The twenty two CRUD agents pointed their guns. I dove around the corner as the wall exploded, sending bits and pieces of rocks and bricks everywhere. As the CRUD agents headed toward me, I saw thirty more agents coming up the hallway that I had just jumped into. With a sigh, I dove out the hole.
"Maybe I should have looked before I leapt," I murmured. I was in a tall tower that was surrounded by dark, gray mist. The tower stretched to the ground farther than I could see, and the mists seemed to swallow the lower parts of it up. I heard a shout from above me. Decding to ignore the likelyhood that I would fall to my death, I turned.
Ten CRUD agents had jumped out of the hole after me, and they were all leveling their R-guns at me. I quickly spread my body into the eagle position, and I quickly soared up to the first Agent. A savage blast hit me in the chest, and I was blown through the air away from the tower. Three more blasts it me with quick succession, and the tower and the agents quickly faded from view. I heard one of the agents shout, "You fool! You've sent him away from us with your casual shots!"
Since I no longer saw anyone or anything, I flipped around to face downward. I still saw no movement, and the pain from the attacks from the R-guns still hurt. As I recovered, I waited to see how long it would take before I hit the bottom.
I had counted to one thousand and three out loud before I heard a voice shout, It sounded as though it came from a speaker, and it echoed all around me. "Remove the Concealing mist!" it said.
Suddenly, the dark gray mist disappeared. I saw the tower some three hundred yards to my right. The ten CRUD agents from before were still falling parallel to me. One of them pointed and yelled, "There he is!"
I quickly looked down and saw that the ground was still some distance away. I looked back over at the agents. Suddenly, a strange, flying ship flew up from below. It looked exactly like a purple, chiseled, body-builder's head. The mouth opened, and the ten Agents 'swam' into it. The Purple head turned toward me. Three missiles slowly slid out from all four sides.
"Oh, crud," I moaned.
The twelve missiles blasted toward me. I defended myself the best I could, slicing the missiles in half and smashing their noses in. One still hit me, though, and blasted me several hundred yards further from the tower.
Gasping from the pain, I looked up to see the ship still bearing down on me. I 'swam toward it, engaging in a deadly game of chicken. With a snarl, I slammed my Nun-chucks and Machete on it.
The ship exploded. The blast caused me even more pain, and it sent me even further than before. I looked down and saw that I was right above the sea. Looking down at the base of the tower- which was now visible- I saw that the whole thing rested on only one rock. With a yell, I crashed into the water. The next thing I knew, a rough hand had grabbed my hair and had pulled me into a boat.
"Hello," the short person said, stroking his beard and giving me a grin. "I've been wondering where you were."
To be continued...
Saturday, October 24, 2009
CRUD part 2
I quickly came up with an escape plan. It would take many days to enact, I knew, but I decided to try it anyway, as it seemed to be my only option.
CRUD had purple-cloaked guards who would stand outside my cell and who would occasionally take potshots at me. As I dodged their weapons, I would ask them questions. Since they assumed that I would stay there forever, they were more than happy to answer.
CRUD was first formed when a rogue doctor managed to nurse the last few survivors of the Urgurian race. The doctor, believing in the Urgur's plan for vengeance intstead of hating it, began to gather more followers to serve as the Urgur's lapdogs. CRUD was also the organization that gave the Urgur their terrifying lapdogs. They wore the purple cloaks, they said, because it made them 'feel cool.'
I tried to keep on the downlow and not get into trouble, which the CRUD agents noticed, so they gave me a reward on October 8th, a full month of me being captured. Thr reward was a laotop with internet connection.
I knew it had been over a month since I posted, so I got ready to tell yo readers all that had happened. To my dismay, Soren had already started doing it. He had done such a good job, I decided to let him finish before I started up again.
So, now its almost time to start my escape plan.Wish me luck!
Oh, now I've been stuck in this cell for 49 days. Its been past time.
To be continued...
CRUD had purple-cloaked guards who would stand outside my cell and who would occasionally take potshots at me. As I dodged their weapons, I would ask them questions. Since they assumed that I would stay there forever, they were more than happy to answer.
CRUD was first formed when a rogue doctor managed to nurse the last few survivors of the Urgurian race. The doctor, believing in the Urgur's plan for vengeance intstead of hating it, began to gather more followers to serve as the Urgur's lapdogs. CRUD was also the organization that gave the Urgur their terrifying lapdogs. They wore the purple cloaks, they said, because it made them 'feel cool.'
I tried to keep on the downlow and not get into trouble, which the CRUD agents noticed, so they gave me a reward on October 8th, a full month of me being captured. Thr reward was a laotop with internet connection.
I knew it had been over a month since I posted, so I got ready to tell yo readers all that had happened. To my dismay, Soren had already started doing it. He had done such a good job, I decided to let him finish before I started up again.
So, now its almost time to start my escape plan.Wish me luck!
Oh, now I've been stuck in this cell for 49 days. Its been past time.
To be continued...
Friday, October 23, 2009
CRUD part 1
Written by Olaf the Bald, cuz I'm BACK, BABY!
That's right, I'm back! Well, actually, I'm not. I've only 'back' in the sense that I finally got internet service, rewarded to me for having good behavior in jail.
Yeah, I'm in jail, captured by a buncha CRUD agents, which is where I ended up after I disappeared after I defeated the Urgur. Which, incidentally, I'm still sorta peeved about, since Omar had to go and steal Chia from...
You know what? Let's just start from the beginning.
After I defeated the Urgur, I disappeared. I have no idea where I went. All I remember is that I was in a dark hallway, and I could not see more than three feet ahead of me either way. I decided to take the right path, and...
And that's it. Dreams: too many mysterious setting, not enough plot. Except for that dream I had once where I got dropped off at a dog pound by my parents, but hey, I'm down wi' that.
I felt my body begin to come together. That's right, come together. It was like all of my molecules had seperated and had finally decided to come back together. As I materialized, I saw Omar makin' out with Chia the Mace.
I dunno; I thought Chia and I had some special connection, but that's not what really irks me about why those two were all ova' each other. Gregory told me in an interupted phone conversation that she wanted to go on a date with me. Why would he do that if she really had the hots for Omar?
Anyway, as I felt myself become completely whole, I felt a tug at my navel. Before I could flinch, I felt myself being pulled into a strange vortex. The next thing I knew, I was in a jail cell.
The jail cell was rather large, seemingly enough room to contain over a million people. I'm not exagerating, either; this cell was HUGE. As I materialized once more, a red light began to flare right above my head, and a loud horn began to blare. Running to the single large door, I attempted to open it and found that it was closed.
Suddenly, ten strange men dressed in long, flowing, dark purple cloaks appeared from around a corner. They came up short when they saw me.
"YOU?" one of them said with in disbelief. "You're the one who killed our masters?" I wasn't sure who had said it, because the cloaks covered their entire face and bodies in such a way that each one looked alike, like a complete and total clone of the other.
"Who were your master?" I asked. "'Cause I've killed a lot of people, and unless you have a specific name or description, I'm afraid I can't..."
"Our masters were the URGUR, you NINNY!" a purple cloak said.
"Oh." I said. "Yeah, that was me."
"And you're the only one who did it?" one of the purple cloaks asked. I summoned up the innermost humility within me.
"Yep," I said.
The ten purple cloaks conferred. They turned to me once more. "You do know that the First Ones triggered a spell around them that, when they were killed, their killer would be sent to us to do as we pleased?" one said.
"And... it would please you to give me Penguin Pie, right?" I asked eagerly.
The purple cloaks stared at me. "I can't believe THIS guy is the killer," One said diappointedly.
"Believe it, bub," I said.
The purple cloaks conferred. "Though we did not expect the Urgur to ever be defeated, we expected there to be many who would defeat them, not just one man."
"One VIKING man," I proclaimed in an angry tone. I thought for a second. "I guess that's why this cell is so big..."
"No matter," a purple cloak said. "Your punishment will stay the same."
"What is that?" I asked.
"YOu will be locked in this cell, trapped, FOREVER." a purple cloak said.
"Why don't you just kill me?" I asked.
"Captivity is worse than death," one said sagely.
"Well, that blows," I said.
"OH!" Another said. "And we will be free to torture you whenever you want!"
"Whenever I want?" I asked eagerly.
"No, I meant whenever we want." the purple cloak. "Slip of the tongue."
"However, any killer of our masters is too dangerous to be allowed to have his cell door open for even a second, especially when he is armed." He gestured to my Nunchucks and Machete, which still hang at my side. "So, we will throw your food in through the bars..." he pointed. "And we will snipe you from the other side."
"Snipe me with what?" I asked.
As if on cue, all ten of the purple cloaks raised their right arms. The cloak fell away from where their hands should be. Instead of a hand, a strange, metallic-looking thing protruded from it.
"What is-" I began.
Suddenly, I was blasted off my feet. Ten different pains swept over me. It felt like I was getting hit by a train, smashed by a spiked mace, sliced by a boat motor, kicked by a kangaroo's foot, pummeled by Mike Tyson, squashed by a falling aircraft carrier, snapped by a hammer, pulverized by an irate chess player, stabbed by a knife, and shot with an arrow. As I skidded to a halt all the way on the other side of the dungeon, I felt sick to my stomach. Blood splurted off of me, and I knew my beautiful face was damaged.
"These are R-Guns," a purple cloak called. "You point it at someone and think of what pain you want them to be in, and they feel that pain."
"That's disgusting and immoral," I growled, shaking off the insurmountable pain. "How do I get one?"
"Cut off your right hand, swear alleigiance to the Urgurian cause, and allow it to be branded to your nerve system," they answered.
"Never!" I croaked. "My nerve system is too valuable!"
The purple cloaks laughed. "This will happen daily, enemy of the Urgur," one said. They turned and left my sight. Crawling onto one knee, I bellowed, "AND WHAT DO I CALL YOU?"
One returned, standing at the door of the cell. "We are the Certified Radicals of Urgur Deliverance." He turned to leave.
"Crud..." I whispered. I had already forgotten half of what he had said.
"Yes," the purple cloak said, sticking his head back into view. "We are also known as CRUD."
To be continued...
That's right, I'm back! Well, actually, I'm not. I've only 'back' in the sense that I finally got internet service, rewarded to me for having good behavior in jail.
Yeah, I'm in jail, captured by a buncha CRUD agents, which is where I ended up after I disappeared after I defeated the Urgur. Which, incidentally, I'm still sorta peeved about, since Omar had to go and steal Chia from...
You know what? Let's just start from the beginning.
After I defeated the Urgur, I disappeared. I have no idea where I went. All I remember is that I was in a dark hallway, and I could not see more than three feet ahead of me either way. I decided to take the right path, and...
And that's it. Dreams: too many mysterious setting, not enough plot. Except for that dream I had once where I got dropped off at a dog pound by my parents, but hey, I'm down wi' that.
I felt my body begin to come together. That's right, come together. It was like all of my molecules had seperated and had finally decided to come back together. As I materialized, I saw Omar makin' out with Chia the Mace.
I dunno; I thought Chia and I had some special connection, but that's not what really irks me about why those two were all ova' each other. Gregory told me in an interupted phone conversation that she wanted to go on a date with me. Why would he do that if she really had the hots for Omar?
Anyway, as I felt myself become completely whole, I felt a tug at my navel. Before I could flinch, I felt myself being pulled into a strange vortex. The next thing I knew, I was in a jail cell.
The jail cell was rather large, seemingly enough room to contain over a million people. I'm not exagerating, either; this cell was HUGE. As I materialized once more, a red light began to flare right above my head, and a loud horn began to blare. Running to the single large door, I attempted to open it and found that it was closed.
Suddenly, ten strange men dressed in long, flowing, dark purple cloaks appeared from around a corner. They came up short when they saw me.
"YOU?" one of them said with in disbelief. "You're the one who killed our masters?" I wasn't sure who had said it, because the cloaks covered their entire face and bodies in such a way that each one looked alike, like a complete and total clone of the other.
"Who were your master?" I asked. "'Cause I've killed a lot of people, and unless you have a specific name or description, I'm afraid I can't..."
"Our masters were the URGUR, you NINNY!" a purple cloak said.
"Oh." I said. "Yeah, that was me."
"And you're the only one who did it?" one of the purple cloaks asked. I summoned up the innermost humility within me.
"Yep," I said.
The ten purple cloaks conferred. They turned to me once more. "You do know that the First Ones triggered a spell around them that, when they were killed, their killer would be sent to us to do as we pleased?" one said.
"And... it would please you to give me Penguin Pie, right?" I asked eagerly.
The purple cloaks stared at me. "I can't believe THIS guy is the killer," One said diappointedly.
"Believe it, bub," I said.
The purple cloaks conferred. "Though we did not expect the Urgur to ever be defeated, we expected there to be many who would defeat them, not just one man."
"One VIKING man," I proclaimed in an angry tone. I thought for a second. "I guess that's why this cell is so big..."
"No matter," a purple cloak said. "Your punishment will stay the same."
"What is that?" I asked.
"YOu will be locked in this cell, trapped, FOREVER." a purple cloak said.
"Why don't you just kill me?" I asked.
"Captivity is worse than death," one said sagely.
"Well, that blows," I said.
"OH!" Another said. "And we will be free to torture you whenever you want!"
"Whenever I want?" I asked eagerly.
"No, I meant whenever we want." the purple cloak. "Slip of the tongue."
"However, any killer of our masters is too dangerous to be allowed to have his cell door open for even a second, especially when he is armed." He gestured to my Nunchucks and Machete, which still hang at my side. "So, we will throw your food in through the bars..." he pointed. "And we will snipe you from the other side."
"Snipe me with what?" I asked.
As if on cue, all ten of the purple cloaks raised their right arms. The cloak fell away from where their hands should be. Instead of a hand, a strange, metallic-looking thing protruded from it.
"What is-" I began.
Suddenly, I was blasted off my feet. Ten different pains swept over me. It felt like I was getting hit by a train, smashed by a spiked mace, sliced by a boat motor, kicked by a kangaroo's foot, pummeled by Mike Tyson, squashed by a falling aircraft carrier, snapped by a hammer, pulverized by an irate chess player, stabbed by a knife, and shot with an arrow. As I skidded to a halt all the way on the other side of the dungeon, I felt sick to my stomach. Blood splurted off of me, and I knew my beautiful face was damaged.
"These are R-Guns," a purple cloak called. "You point it at someone and think of what pain you want them to be in, and they feel that pain."
"That's disgusting and immoral," I growled, shaking off the insurmountable pain. "How do I get one?"
"Cut off your right hand, swear alleigiance to the Urgurian cause, and allow it to be branded to your nerve system," they answered.
"Never!" I croaked. "My nerve system is too valuable!"
The purple cloaks laughed. "This will happen daily, enemy of the Urgur," one said. They turned and left my sight. Crawling onto one knee, I bellowed, "AND WHAT DO I CALL YOU?"
One returned, standing at the door of the cell. "We are the Certified Radicals of Urgur Deliverance." He turned to leave.
"Crud..." I whispered. I had already forgotten half of what he had said.
"Yes," the purple cloak said, sticking his head back into view. "We are also known as CRUD."
To be continued...
Thursday, October 22, 2009
SS: Conclusion
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on the same day as the last seven posts.
The fight with the Urgur is over. They are officially gone for good. To be sure, the Head Ninja sent Ninjas into every point of the earth at the same time simultaneously. They are gone.
The Carpenters George and I befriended took up residence in the Newly-Heavenly Regundor Field, which they aptly named The Promised Land. Though we offered IDC to come live with us on the Bloodhound III, he declined, explaining that, though Vikings and Dwarves may be related, he was deathly afraid of water. When we explained that all he had to do was tie himself to the mast so he wouldn't fall overboard, he more vigorously declined.
Thor discovered that Poseidon had never actually participated in the battle and had merely shown up for a mention in the Newspaper that some of the (Minor Class) Reporters were making. When he discovered this disturbing news, he quickly dove into the ocean and battled with the Undersea god so he could work off steam.
Chia had slapped Omar in the face after they had broke apart, and had basically turned him into a sniveling snob by the time she was done. However, I noticed afterward that she had a faint smile on her lips, as though she was still enjoying the touch of Omar's. She had then traveled back to her own crew, leaving without giving anyone a farewell. The only thing she said to any of us was to hand Erik a note that had her number on it. A message was scrawled under the number: Give this to Olaf.
Lief headed back to CVU, where he discovered that he had a large group of angry dentists waiting for him for killing off their best spy. He quickly set the Zombies that live under the school on them, and the Dentists quickly fled to wherever they had come from before. He had then travelled to each and every single Helicopter Pilot, slipping amnesia dust in their food and drink so that they would forget that they had ever been a Main class. He then stole one of the Pilot's helicopters, but had promptly crashed it.
The rest of the crew from the Bloodhound III- Chieftain Gregory the Hairy, Me, Omar the Bold, Erik the Red, George the Yellow, and Phil the Conceited- traveled back to the ship. We had hoped to find Olaf there, but it was to no avail. I had not mentioned to anyone that I had seen Olaf watching the fateful kiss, for fear of embarrasing both Chia and Omar, so when Omar wasn't around, I confided to Erik. George, and Phil. We all got on his blog and discovered that he had announced a Hiatus on September 3, which, of course, had been only three days prior, on the same day that the Urgur had attacked on. Since Olaf seemed to have an impeccable luck in finding computers upon which to blog, we eagerly waited for a new post from him, explaining what had happened to him. By the time September 11th had rolled around, we had given up hope. In order to convince you readers that everything was fine and that he was still around, we hacked into his blog account and began to post the chronicles that I was beginning to write about the Urgurian invasion. I admit that I lied to you in that first post I wrote; I started publishing exactly on Septermber 11. I explained that it had been the fourth because I wanted to keep you from worrying. I vowed that, once I was done publishing the chronicles, I would stop filling in for Olaf and hope that he will eventually return. I expected the chronicling to take a week.
As I Schedule this post, finishing my chronicles, it is October 13th.
It has been thirty-eight days since anyone had seen Olaf.
End of the Chronicles.
The fight with the Urgur is over. They are officially gone for good. To be sure, the Head Ninja sent Ninjas into every point of the earth at the same time simultaneously. They are gone.
The Carpenters George and I befriended took up residence in the Newly-Heavenly Regundor Field, which they aptly named The Promised Land. Though we offered IDC to come live with us on the Bloodhound III, he declined, explaining that, though Vikings and Dwarves may be related, he was deathly afraid of water. When we explained that all he had to do was tie himself to the mast so he wouldn't fall overboard, he more vigorously declined.
Thor discovered that Poseidon had never actually participated in the battle and had merely shown up for a mention in the Newspaper that some of the (Minor Class) Reporters were making. When he discovered this disturbing news, he quickly dove into the ocean and battled with the Undersea god so he could work off steam.
Chia had slapped Omar in the face after they had broke apart, and had basically turned him into a sniveling snob by the time she was done. However, I noticed afterward that she had a faint smile on her lips, as though she was still enjoying the touch of Omar's. She had then traveled back to her own crew, leaving without giving anyone a farewell. The only thing she said to any of us was to hand Erik a note that had her number on it. A message was scrawled under the number: Give this to Olaf.
Lief headed back to CVU, where he discovered that he had a large group of angry dentists waiting for him for killing off their best spy. He quickly set the Zombies that live under the school on them, and the Dentists quickly fled to wherever they had come from before. He had then travelled to each and every single Helicopter Pilot, slipping amnesia dust in their food and drink so that they would forget that they had ever been a Main class. He then stole one of the Pilot's helicopters, but had promptly crashed it.
The rest of the crew from the Bloodhound III- Chieftain Gregory the Hairy, Me, Omar the Bold, Erik the Red, George the Yellow, and Phil the Conceited- traveled back to the ship. We had hoped to find Olaf there, but it was to no avail. I had not mentioned to anyone that I had seen Olaf watching the fateful kiss, for fear of embarrasing both Chia and Omar, so when Omar wasn't around, I confided to Erik. George, and Phil. We all got on his blog and discovered that he had announced a Hiatus on September 3, which, of course, had been only three days prior, on the same day that the Urgur had attacked on. Since Olaf seemed to have an impeccable luck in finding computers upon which to blog, we eagerly waited for a new post from him, explaining what had happened to him. By the time September 11th had rolled around, we had given up hope. In order to convince you readers that everything was fine and that he was still around, we hacked into his blog account and began to post the chronicles that I was beginning to write about the Urgurian invasion. I admit that I lied to you in that first post I wrote; I started publishing exactly on Septermber 11. I explained that it had been the fourth because I wanted to keep you from worrying. I vowed that, once I was done publishing the chronicles, I would stop filling in for Olaf and hope that he will eventually return. I expected the chronicling to take a week.
As I Schedule this post, finishing my chronicles, it is October 13th.
It has been thirty-eight days since anyone had seen Olaf.
End of the Chronicles.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Soren's Story: Climax
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on October 13th, 2009
The First Ones took their mighty fists and slammed downward onto Olaf. The Viking didn't move, as a mighty blue light began to glow around his body.
"You CANNOT defeat US!" a First One shrieked as the Blue light began to envelope its fist.
Olaf grinned. His father's battle-ax appeared in his teeth, next to his wooden pipe.
"HUMANS are WEAK!" a second First One screamed as the Blur light enveloped its whole arm.
Olaf raised his Nun-chucks and Machete into the air.
"DESTINY IS NONEXISTANT!" a third First One bellowed as it began to be pushed backward by the Blur Light. The fires surrounding them began to fade.
Olaf's Tiki Torch, strapped to his back, suddenly lit on fire.
"NO ONE HAS THE POWER TO DEFEAT US!" The last First One screamed, thrashing in a death roe.
Olaf's Trilby seemed to glow as though it was made from Steel. His shades flashed, just like in the movies, and he grinned his trademark grin.
"THEN WHY ARE YOU DEFEATED?" He roared. Somehow, he was understandable around the Ax and Pipe.
With a withering scream, the Blue light enveloped the entire group. The light began to blind us, and it seemed to grow as it came closer to our bodies. We quickly huddled for protection, and the light passed over us, leaving us in total whiteness.
The light began to fade. We hesitantly opened our eyes.
Regundor's Field had been transformed. Flowers had sprouted everywhere, and white bunnies hopped among them.
There was a pause.
"The promised land..." IDC whispered, looking to George.
George fainted.
The warriors cheered. Though we were spread out all over the field, we quickly ran to the center and began to congratulate each other. The celebration must have lasted for at least an hour before Chia cried, "Where's Olaf?"
No-one moved. The answer we had all expected- "I'm right here"- never came. Low murmurs began to echo over the entire Field.
Chia flopped down onto her knees and began to cry. Between her sobs, she choked out, "I- I think we- I think we had something."
"He's not dead," I said firmly. "We thought he was once before, but we were wrong. He's alive, somewhere."
Chia wiped her eyes. "Who am I supposed to have a clebration kiss with?" she whispered.
Next thing we knew, Omar had bent over her. The second thing we knew, he was kissing her with a passion usually reserved for over zealous actors. Most of the warriors averted their eyes. I did too, but for a different reason.
A strange, blue glow had begun to shine over the Field, right above my head. As I watched, Olaf materialized right above my head. He looked happy andf relieved, but then he saw Chia and Omar all over each other. His left eyebrow cocked, and the corners of his mouth turned downward. With a pop, he suddenly disappeared once more.
The Last To Be Continued...
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Soren's Story: Last 3
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on October 13th, 2009
"So, tell me, Urgur," Olaf said with a grin. "You feel it is your duty to finish me off before you finish everyone else off, right?"
The First Ones looked to each other with confusion. "Yes," one said suspiciously.
"Well, I'm afraid that you're out of luck," Olaf said, slowly pulling his Machete and Nun-Chucks out of their sheathes. "You see, you're going to have to learn something that most people in this Blog have to learn."
"Learn?" a First One asked.
"Most?" another First One asked.
"People?" yet another First One asked.
"Blog?" the last First One asked.
"Oh keep up," Olaf snapped. "And yes, a BLOG. I'd think people as presumptuous to call themselves 'First Ones' would be able to recognize a Breaking of the Fourth Wall."
"But..." one of them protested.
"NO!" Olaf shouted. The fires surrounding them seemed to quaver. "I am destined to do something great. Thor has told me, Poseidon has told me, and everytime someone trys to kill me, I end up mostly unscathed."
" 'Strue." Omar said. Chia shot him a glance.
"There is nothing and no one who can stop me from completing this Destiny. And, you know what? Dying is not part of my great destiny. So you can try and try to stop me, but it is futile. FUTILE!" Olaf screamed. "And you know it! That blue light I was glowing with? That was DESTINY! You have NO power over my DESTINY!"
The Flaming Urgur First Ones snarled back.
To be continued...
Monday, October 19, 2009
Soren's Story: Last p2
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on October 13, 2009
The Urgur released their jet of fire. Olaf was steaming, but he seemd to glow with a blue light for the briefest of moments before he changed back to normal. The flaming figures were quiet for a moment.
"You should have died from that blast, Olaf the Bald," one said finally. "But you cannot hope to survive it again."
"And besides," another one said. "All the water is gone, anyway."
Most of the remaining warriors who hadn't died in the first wave of Urgur or run away after the sixteenth dimension Urgur Behemoth appeared or died after trying to kill the said behemoth had now run away. The remaining warriors, few though they were, were wonderingly whispering to one another. Chia leaned over in my ear.
"Why was Olaf glowing?" She whispered. I shook my head. Leaning back, she moved closer to Omar.
The Carpenters were gathered around George and IDC. They looked at George in awe. George was nervously shaking at the sight of Olaf surrounded by fire.
I looked to Thor. He had a smug smile on his face, though I could't fathom as to why.
Gregory and Lief were laying on their backs on two pieces of flatwod. I could tell they were preparing for death in the way Vikings do.
Erik was crying. I heard him whisper, "Soon, Lulu..."
Phil was looking at himself in a mirror. "I'm even more sexy in this fire light," he said happily.
I looked back to Olaf. He was staring at his hands in wonder. He raised his head and looked at Thor. He mouthed Is this it? Thor shook his head.
He turned to the Urgur with a wide grin on his face.
To be continued...
The Urgur released their jet of fire. Olaf was steaming, but he seemd to glow with a blue light for the briefest of moments before he changed back to normal. The flaming figures were quiet for a moment.
"You should have died from that blast, Olaf the Bald," one said finally. "But you cannot hope to survive it again."
"And besides," another one said. "All the water is gone, anyway."
Most of the remaining warriors who hadn't died in the first wave of Urgur or run away after the sixteenth dimension Urgur Behemoth appeared or died after trying to kill the said behemoth had now run away. The remaining warriors, few though they were, were wonderingly whispering to one another. Chia leaned over in my ear.
"Why was Olaf glowing?" She whispered. I shook my head. Leaning back, she moved closer to Omar.
The Carpenters were gathered around George and IDC. They looked at George in awe. George was nervously shaking at the sight of Olaf surrounded by fire.
I looked to Thor. He had a smug smile on his face, though I could't fathom as to why.
Gregory and Lief were laying on their backs on two pieces of flatwod. I could tell they were preparing for death in the way Vikings do.
Erik was crying. I heard him whisper, "Soon, Lulu..."
Phil was looking at himself in a mirror. "I'm even more sexy in this fire light," he said happily.
I looked back to Olaf. He was staring at his hands in wonder. He raised his head and looked at Thor. He mouthed Is this it? Thor shook his head.
He turned to the Urgur with a wide grin on his face.
To be continued...
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Soren's Story: Last p1
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on October 13th, 2009
Olaf was buffeted by the geyers and landed on the ground, buckling to his knees. From out of the flaming geysers stepped four strange beings, which made of fire. Stepping closer to him, they raised their arms and shot a huge wall of fire around the five. Through the roaring flames, I could see and hear what was happening.
"We are The First," one of the flaming figures stated as it began a slow walk around him.
"The first of what?" Olaf asked as the other three began to emulate their brother.
"The First of the Urgur," a second flaming figure stated.
"We are the last living remnants of what the Ninjas destroyed," the third figure said.
"And we are now the last of the Urgur over all," the fourth figure said.
Olaf said something, but I couldn't hear what he had said, but he caused the four flaming figures to simultaneously scream, "Because you KILLED them!"
"You shall be the first to pay for what you humans have done to our race," one of the figures intoned. "Though our children are gone, we shall bathe this earth in fire to avenge all who died for our sake."
"Well, if you're Urgur, then my completely wet body should kill you right off!" Olaf cried. He began to run at the closest Figure.
ALl four pointed their hands at him and sprayed fire at his body.
To be continued...
Olaf was buffeted by the geyers and landed on the ground, buckling to his knees. From out of the flaming geysers stepped four strange beings, which made of fire. Stepping closer to him, they raised their arms and shot a huge wall of fire around the five. Through the roaring flames, I could see and hear what was happening.
"We are The First," one of the flaming figures stated as it began a slow walk around him.
"The first of what?" Olaf asked as the other three began to emulate their brother.
"The First of the Urgur," a second flaming figure stated.
"We are the last living remnants of what the Ninjas destroyed," the third figure said.
"And we are now the last of the Urgur over all," the fourth figure said.
Olaf said something, but I couldn't hear what he had said, but he caused the four flaming figures to simultaneously scream, "Because you KILLED them!"
"You shall be the first to pay for what you humans have done to our race," one of the figures intoned. "Though our children are gone, we shall bathe this earth in fire to avenge all who died for our sake."
"Well, if you're Urgur, then my completely wet body should kill you right off!" Olaf cried. He began to run at the closest Figure.
ALl four pointed their hands at him and sprayed fire at his body.
To be continued...
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Soren's Story Explanation
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on October 13th, 2009
"Since Olaf was wet, he was killing off the Urgu parts that immediately surrounded him. Since he was so tiny compared to the rest of the Behemoth, however, it did not affect the rest of it. In order to kill the Behemoth, all he had to do was crawl around in the Behemoth where its limbs were until the limb was completely seperated from the rest of it." I explained.
"That makes sense," Erik said thoughtfully.
Olaf was gradually descending, as Thor had cast featherfall on him. The surviving warriors happily cheered him on as he came closer and closer to the ground.
Four huge lava geysers suddenly erupted out of the ground, directly surrounding him.
To be continued...
"Since Olaf was wet, he was killing off the Urgu parts that immediately surrounded him. Since he was so tiny compared to the rest of the Behemoth, however, it did not affect the rest of it. In order to kill the Behemoth, all he had to do was crawl around in the Behemoth where its limbs were until the limb was completely seperated from the rest of it." I explained.
"That makes sense," Erik said thoughtfully.
Olaf was gradually descending, as Thor had cast featherfall on him. The surviving warriors happily cheered him on as he came closer and closer to the ground.
Four huge lava geysers suddenly erupted out of the ground, directly surrounding him.
To be continued...
Friday, October 16, 2009
Soren's Story: Second Form p5
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on October 13th, 2009
Everyone on The Field of Regundor suddenly stood still. They all stared at Chia's perfectly manicured, outstretched finger. Their heads simultaneously turned to see what she was pointing at.
Olaf's head poked out of the chest of the Behemoth. The Behemoth stared at Olaf as well, looking as bewildered as something with no face can look. Though no-one else seemed to notice, I noticed that there was a dark gray ring surrounding him.
"Man!" Olaf shouted. "It's lucky that I'm still wet; otherwise, I would be getting fried alive right now!"
There was complete and utter silence.
"OLAF!" I suddenly screamed. "START CRAWLING AROUND INSIDE THAT THING'S BODY AND RIP IT APART FROM THE INSIDE!"
There was another moment of complete and uttter silence as Olaf processed what I had said. His face brightened.
"NOOOOO!" The behemoth screamed, slamming a fist right toward the dark spot where Olaf was sticking his head out of. Olaf quickly crawled back into its body, and it knocked itself back onto its buttox. Screaming in rage, it began to pummel itself while thrashing around on the ground. The surviving warriors backed away, watching in a bewildered confusion.
Suddenly, the Urgur Behemoth's right arm fell off. It crashed to the ground, turning a dark gray as it did so. It began to disappear, and I quickly looked up to see Olaf crawling back into the quickly-graying stump.
This happened three more times, each time with a seperate limb. Soon, it was just head and chest, still screaming and almost crying in pain. Suddenly, the neck began to gray. With an earth-shattering wail, the Behemoth completely exploded, sending gray chunks of Urgu everywhere.
Olaf floated in the air, some several hundred feet in the air. As the expected cheering began, Omar turned to me.
"I don't get it," he said.
"Well, I'll explain." I said.
To be continued...
Everyone on The Field of Regundor suddenly stood still. They all stared at Chia's perfectly manicured, outstretched finger. Their heads simultaneously turned to see what she was pointing at.
Olaf's head poked out of the chest of the Behemoth. The Behemoth stared at Olaf as well, looking as bewildered as something with no face can look. Though no-one else seemed to notice, I noticed that there was a dark gray ring surrounding him.
"Man!" Olaf shouted. "It's lucky that I'm still wet; otherwise, I would be getting fried alive right now!"
There was complete and utter silence.
"OLAF!" I suddenly screamed. "START CRAWLING AROUND INSIDE THAT THING'S BODY AND RIP IT APART FROM THE INSIDE!"
There was another moment of complete and uttter silence as Olaf processed what I had said. His face brightened.
"NOOOOO!" The behemoth screamed, slamming a fist right toward the dark spot where Olaf was sticking his head out of. Olaf quickly crawled back into its body, and it knocked itself back onto its buttox. Screaming in rage, it began to pummel itself while thrashing around on the ground. The surviving warriors backed away, watching in a bewildered confusion.
Suddenly, the Urgur Behemoth's right arm fell off. It crashed to the ground, turning a dark gray as it did so. It began to disappear, and I quickly looked up to see Olaf crawling back into the quickly-graying stump.
This happened three more times, each time with a seperate limb. Soon, it was just head and chest, still screaming and almost crying in pain. Suddenly, the neck began to gray. With an earth-shattering wail, the Behemoth completely exploded, sending gray chunks of Urgu everywhere.
Olaf floated in the air, some several hundred feet in the air. As the expected cheering began, Omar turned to me.
"I don't get it," he said.
"Well, I'll explain." I said.
To be continued...
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Soren's Story: Second Form p4
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on Octobver 13th, 2009
"How can he be inside that... that thing?" Erik asked, pointing to the Behemoth. Omar shrugged his shoulders.
"I guess its because he's destined for greatness; somehow, he wasn't rejected by the Sixteenth dimension because he shares the same greatness as the Urgur. I know he's protected in some way, because he never dies no matter how hard I try. Olaf must have somehow stayed in the sixteenth dimension ..."
"...Which means that when the dimension ejected all of the Urgur into one being;" Lief began.
"Olaf came out as well." Gregory finished.
"How can we know for sure?" I asked, risking a glance at the battle. The behemoth had killed nearly half of the remaining warriors, and the others were flagging fast.
We all stood silent. Chia slowly raised her head. She smiled that dazzling smile that Olaf had fallen in love with when he had first seen her.
"There," she said, pointing at the Urgur's chest. We looked.
There, sitting ever so subtlely, was a duct-tape viking helmet.
To be continued...
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Soren's Story: Second Form p3
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on October 12, 2009
"Don't you see?" Chia cried. "'Unbelieveable unbelievability'? Olaf is must be in the sixtenth dimension!"
"That makes sense," Omar said bitterly. "But he's not there."
"He's got to be! The Urgu practically told us!'" Chia said.
"I have an Ihateolaf-dar. I can sense him wherever he is, no matter what he's doing. I lost track of him after we went through the portal, but I just picked him up again." Omar said.
"You're Peanut Buttering! He's got to be in the sixteenth dimension!" Chia cried.
"Nope," Omar said, pointing at the Urgur. "He's in there."
To be continued...
"Don't you see?" Chia cried. "'Unbelieveable unbelievability'? Olaf is must be in the sixtenth dimension!"
"That makes sense," Omar said bitterly. "But he's not there."
"He's got to be! The Urgu practically told us!'" Chia said.
"I have an Ihateolaf-dar. I can sense him wherever he is, no matter what he's doing. I lost track of him after we went through the portal, but I just picked him up again." Omar said.
"You're Peanut Buttering! He's got to be in the sixteenth dimension!" Chia cried.
"Nope," Omar said, pointing at the Urgur. "He's in there."
To be continued...
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Soren's Story: Second Form p2
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on October 12, 2009
"How...?" Lief whispered. "How can this be?"
The Behemoth slowly turned its head to him. "When Urgur die, we do not go to the Afterlife, as you do; we go to the sixteenth dimension, where we are melded with our other dead brethren. When they is enough of us, we come back to this dimension as THIS,"
"Does that mean ..." I asked.
"Yes," The Behemoth said. "When you Vikings walked through the portal that dead Urgu left in the prison, you went to the sixteenth dimension. However, since the sixteenth dimension can only be accessed by those of unbelieveable unbelievability, you were all sent back to earth." With that helpful revelation, the behemoth began to slam the warriors into the ground.
As the screams erupted, the nine of us turned toward each other with dispair. ALl except for Chia. Her eyes shone bright, and she looked at each of us in turn.
"I know where Olaf is," she said.
To be continued...
"How...?" Lief whispered. "How can this be?"
The Behemoth slowly turned its head to him. "When Urgur die, we do not go to the Afterlife, as you do; we go to the sixteenth dimension, where we are melded with our other dead brethren. When they is enough of us, we come back to this dimension as THIS,"
"Does that mean ..." I asked.
"Yes," The Behemoth said. "When you Vikings walked through the portal that dead Urgu left in the prison, you went to the sixteenth dimension. However, since the sixteenth dimension can only be accessed by those of unbelieveable unbelievability, you were all sent back to earth." With that helpful revelation, the behemoth began to slam the warriors into the ground.
As the screams erupted, the nine of us turned toward each other with dispair. ALl except for Chia. Her eyes shone bright, and she looked at each of us in turn.
"I know where Olaf is," she said.
To be continued...
Monday, October 12, 2009
Soren's Story: Second Form
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on October 12, 2009
The blue, crackling light began to grow larger and larger. Some of the Warriors of the classes turned and began to flee from the field of Regundor. Soon, as the light grew larger and larger, only the stoutest of heart were left.
Well, except for George, but we made him stay.
Just before the large, blue, crackling light-filled orb touched the ground, it suddenly flashed, momentarily blinding us. As our eyes cleared, we saw, with dread sinking in our hearts:
An Urgu, at least ten thousand more times bigger than any one we had already seen.
The Behemoth laughed a mouthless laugh. It looked at the puny warriors next to it with eyeless disdain. "Foolish classes," it yelled. "You have not what we have got."
To be continued...
The blue, crackling light began to grow larger and larger. Some of the Warriors of the classes turned and began to flee from the field of Regundor. Soon, as the light grew larger and larger, only the stoutest of heart were left.
Well, except for George, but we made him stay.
Just before the large, blue, crackling light-filled orb touched the ground, it suddenly flashed, momentarily blinding us. As our eyes cleared, we saw, with dread sinking in our hearts:
An Urgu, at least ten thousand more times bigger than any one we had already seen.
The Behemoth laughed a mouthless laugh. It looked at the puny warriors next to it with eyeless disdain. "Foolish classes," it yelled. "You have not what we have got."
To be continued...
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Soren's Storm (part 3)
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on October 11, 2009
Thor shouted the command.
The Carpenters slammed their tools upon the dam.
The warriors of the classes grasped the ropes in their flight from the Urgur.
The Helicopter Pilots forced their steeds upward.
The dam burst.
The Waters crashed upon the Urgurian army like an army of Zerglings on an undefended Protoss base.
"Nice obscure pop culture reference," Thor said.
The Individual Urgus screamed in pain as the water zapped them out of existance.
The water faded into the crevasses of the earth.
The field appeared exactly how it had been before the Carpenters had been there.
The Helicopters hovered over the field with their cargo.
The cargo erupted into a massive cheer.
"THE URGUR ARE DEAD FOR GOOD!" The warriors yelled, high-fiving each other and hooping like a banshee. George, IDC, and Lief and I had landed on the ground when the dam had been broken. We high-fived each other and emulated the rest of the Warriors of the classes. The Helicopter Pilots dropped their ropes and the Warriors of the Classes swarmed the field, celebrating their final, great victory. Five Vikings detached themselves from the party and ran over to the four of us.
"We won!" Chia, Omar, Gregory, and Erik cried.
"I won!" Phil cried at the same time. Everyone ignored him.
As we congratulated each other, we heard a bump. The field immediately fell silent.
A strange, crackling sound began to emanate from the very center of the field. The warriors began to back away from it, inching closer and closer to the edges.
A strange, blue, crackling light began to shine above the field.
To be continued...
Thor shouted the command.
The Carpenters slammed their tools upon the dam.
The warriors of the classes grasped the ropes in their flight from the Urgur.
The Helicopter Pilots forced their steeds upward.
The dam burst.
The Waters crashed upon the Urgurian army like an army of Zerglings on an undefended Protoss base.
"Nice obscure pop culture reference," Thor said.
The Individual Urgus screamed in pain as the water zapped them out of existance.
The water faded into the crevasses of the earth.
The field appeared exactly how it had been before the Carpenters had been there.
The Helicopters hovered over the field with their cargo.
The cargo erupted into a massive cheer.
"THE URGUR ARE DEAD FOR GOOD!" The warriors yelled, high-fiving each other and hooping like a banshee. George, IDC, and Lief and I had landed on the ground when the dam had been broken. We high-fived each other and emulated the rest of the Warriors of the classes. The Helicopter Pilots dropped their ropes and the Warriors of the Classes swarmed the field, celebrating their final, great victory. Five Vikings detached themselves from the party and ran over to the four of us.
"We won!" Chia, Omar, Gregory, and Erik cried.
"I won!" Phil cried at the same time. Everyone ignored him.
As we congratulated each other, we heard a bump. The field immediately fell silent.
A strange, crackling sound began to emanate from the very center of the field. The warriors began to back away from it, inching closer and closer to the edges.
A strange, blue, crackling light began to shine above the field.
To be continued...
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Soren's Storm (part 2)
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on October 10th, 2009
IDC, George, Lief, and I quickly scaled the dam. The warriors were trying as hard as they could to kill the Urgur, but the Urgur were blasting them apart. I wasn't sure how long we could hold out.
IDC got to the top of the dam first, throwing his legs over the edge and hitting the top without stopping. I was right behind him, and we both ignored Lief and George as we split off into two seperate directions.
Since I was much taller than IDC, I had soon surpassed him. I was running along the dam, alone, yelling to the carpenters that when the signal was sounded, they were to demolish their creation.
By the time I had met Lief and George half-way around, I had run for two hours. That gives you and idea of how big the Field of Regundor is. IDC came chugin up behind me a few minutes later, gasping for breath. "How do we give the signal?" He gasped.
Putting two fingers to his lips, George whistled. Thor appeared, covered with blood and grinning with pleasure.
"Urgur don't have blood; how come you're so bloody?" I asked.
"Well, there was a group of Ninjas not watching where they were going, and... I HAVE NO IDEA," he lied. "What do you need?"
"Shout the signal for the carpenters to break the dam, the signal for the warriors to grab the ropes, and the signal for the helicopter pilots to get the heck out of here," I screamed.
To be Continued...
IDC, George, Lief, and I quickly scaled the dam. The warriors were trying as hard as they could to kill the Urgur, but the Urgur were blasting them apart. I wasn't sure how long we could hold out.
IDC got to the top of the dam first, throwing his legs over the edge and hitting the top without stopping. I was right behind him, and we both ignored Lief and George as we split off into two seperate directions.
Since I was much taller than IDC, I had soon surpassed him. I was running along the dam, alone, yelling to the carpenters that when the signal was sounded, they were to demolish their creation.
By the time I had met Lief and George half-way around, I had run for two hours. That gives you and idea of how big the Field of Regundor is. IDC came chugin up behind me a few minutes later, gasping for breath. "How do we give the signal?" He gasped.
Putting two fingers to his lips, George whistled. Thor appeared, covered with blood and grinning with pleasure.
"Urgur don't have blood; how come you're so bloody?" I asked.
"Well, there was a group of Ninjas not watching where they were going, and... I HAVE NO IDEA," he lied. "What do you need?"
"Shout the signal for the carpenters to break the dam, the signal for the warriors to grab the ropes, and the signal for the helicopter pilots to get the heck out of here," I screamed.
To be Continued...
Friday, October 9, 2009
Soren's Storm
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on October 8, 2009
A Urgu stepped out of the blue crackling light. Before he could move, a mass of warriors roared and attacked him with fury, swarming over him until he was gone from sight. Before anyone could hope that he was gone for good, however, there was a tremendous exploding sound, and the warriors surrounding him flew in all directions.
As more Urgur began to pop out of the blue crackling light, the vikings around me roared a fiercesome battle cry: "RED ROOOOOOOVER!" They began to join the warriors who were throwing themselves against the wall of Urgur, all begin blasted off their feet or getting killed outright. Only IDC, George, Lief, and I remained. We all turned and sprinted for the dam.
Lief began to signal the Helicopter pilots. The Helicopter pilots began to streak across the field, dropping long, thick ropes over our side of the battle. As the warriors began to fall back before the never-ending sea of Urgur, Lief, IDC, George, and I reached the dam. Thor swooped over us.
"Why are you fleeing?" He asked.
"It's part of our strategy!" I cried.
"Don't see it yet, but I suppose I will soon," he muttered. Lief cried, "Thor, tell everyone to grab one of the ropes that the Helicopter pilots are dropping when you shout the code word!"
"Part of the strategy? ALl right," he said, doing just as Lief had asked.
The warriors were warned.
To be continued...
A Urgu stepped out of the blue crackling light. Before he could move, a mass of warriors roared and attacked him with fury, swarming over him until he was gone from sight. Before anyone could hope that he was gone for good, however, there was a tremendous exploding sound, and the warriors surrounding him flew in all directions.
As more Urgur began to pop out of the blue crackling light, the vikings around me roared a fiercesome battle cry: "RED ROOOOOOOVER!" They began to join the warriors who were throwing themselves against the wall of Urgur, all begin blasted off their feet or getting killed outright. Only IDC, George, Lief, and I remained. We all turned and sprinted for the dam.
Lief began to signal the Helicopter pilots. The Helicopter pilots began to streak across the field, dropping long, thick ropes over our side of the battle. As the warriors began to fall back before the never-ending sea of Urgur, Lief, IDC, George, and I reached the dam. Thor swooped over us.
"Why are you fleeing?" He asked.
"It's part of our strategy!" I cried.
"Don't see it yet, but I suppose I will soon," he muttered. Lief cried, "Thor, tell everyone to grab one of the ropes that the Helicopter pilots are dropping when you shout the code word!"
"Part of the strategy? ALl right," he said, doing just as Lief had asked.
The warriors were warned.
To be continued...
Thursday, October 8, 2009
soREnsSTory (Before the storm: 4)
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on October 8th, 2009
Now that we were all on the same page, we were unsure of what to do next. The armies of the classes had all come together; the field of Regundor was completely filled to the brim with warriors. I suppose that's not true; there was a rather large section left untouched, as if everyone was leaving the spot so the Urgur could have a place to stand and slaughter.
The nine of us gathered stood in silence; Me, Erik the Noisy, Phil the Conceited, George the Yellow, Omar the Bold, Chia the Mace, Lief the Armless, Gregory the Hairy, and Ilmig the Dwarfish Carpenter. The overriding thought in everyone's mind was this: Where was Olaf?
There was a crackle, and Thor appeared above the field. A large rumble came from the large dam the Carpenters had built, and Poseidon appeared. The two gods regarded each other with disdain, then turned their heads.
"What can we do?" Erik asked.
"We can't do this without Olaf," George said.
"Why not? We vikings have done a lot of stuff without Olaf," Omar growled.
"True, but Olaf is the spirit of all Vikingdom," Lief said solemnly.
"Olaf is the only one who truly embodies all that Vikings stand for," Gregory said.
"I thought that I was the only one who truly embodies all that Vikings stand for," Phil cried. Everyone ignored him.
"I've never met him, but I already feel his influence," IDC moaned.
Chia said nothing; a tear rolled down her cheek. I roused myself.
"Wherever Olaf is, I bet he's trying as hard as he can to reach us," I said. "He'll be here."
A light of determination lit upon everyone's eyes.
A crackling blue light began to emanate from the untouched spot of field.
It was on.
To be continued...
Now that we were all on the same page, we were unsure of what to do next. The armies of the classes had all come together; the field of Regundor was completely filled to the brim with warriors. I suppose that's not true; there was a rather large section left untouched, as if everyone was leaving the spot so the Urgur could have a place to stand and slaughter.
The nine of us gathered stood in silence; Me, Erik the Noisy, Phil the Conceited, George the Yellow, Omar the Bold, Chia the Mace, Lief the Armless, Gregory the Hairy, and Ilmig the Dwarfish Carpenter. The overriding thought in everyone's mind was this: Where was Olaf?
There was a crackle, and Thor appeared above the field. A large rumble came from the large dam the Carpenters had built, and Poseidon appeared. The two gods regarded each other with disdain, then turned their heads.
"What can we do?" Erik asked.
"We can't do this without Olaf," George said.
"Why not? We vikings have done a lot of stuff without Olaf," Omar growled.
"True, but Olaf is the spirit of all Vikingdom," Lief said solemnly.
"Olaf is the only one who truly embodies all that Vikings stand for," Gregory said.
"I thought that I was the only one who truly embodies all that Vikings stand for," Phil cried. Everyone ignored him.
"I've never met him, but I already feel his influence," IDC moaned.
Chia said nothing; a tear rolled down her cheek. I roused myself.
"Wherever Olaf is, I bet he's trying as hard as he can to reach us," I said. "He'll be here."
A light of determination lit upon everyone's eyes.
A crackling blue light began to emanate from the untouched spot of field.
It was on.
To be continued...
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
soREnsSTory (Before the storm: 3)
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on October 6, 2007
Chia had appeared somewhere near Gregory. Though the two had never formally met, they knew each other on sight. Gregory had quickly asked Chia about the whereabout of the rest of us, but she had honestly said that she had no clue. Gregory had explained that he was gathering the Vikings together into an army, the likes of which had not been seen since the battle against the Laotogo. As the Viking ships from around the world fell into the Bloodhound III's wake, Gregory and Chia had a heart-to-heart.
"I think I've grown to like Olaf," she said. "I want to ask him out on a date."
"Ok," Gregory had said. With a deft movement, he had pulled out his cell phone and had dialed Olaf's number.
"What are you doing?" Chia had tersely asked.
"Telling him that you want to ask him out on a date," Gregory explained.
Neither were sure if Olaf had actually heard Gregory's announcement. All they were sure of was that after Chia had slammed Gregory's phone into a million pieces, they saw that the time Olaf had picked up his phone and had been listening for eleven seconds before it had been broken. The 'eleven' was ingrained in the broken phone's screen.
"Thanks a lot," Chia muttered. "Now you ruined the whole encounter."
"Only trying to help," Gregory had said defensively.
There apparently wasn't much incidents after that.
To be continued...
Chia had appeared somewhere near Gregory. Though the two had never formally met, they knew each other on sight. Gregory had quickly asked Chia about the whereabout of the rest of us, but she had honestly said that she had no clue. Gregory had explained that he was gathering the Vikings together into an army, the likes of which had not been seen since the battle against the Laotogo. As the Viking ships from around the world fell into the Bloodhound III's wake, Gregory and Chia had a heart-to-heart.
"I think I've grown to like Olaf," she said. "I want to ask him out on a date."
"Ok," Gregory had said. With a deft movement, he had pulled out his cell phone and had dialed Olaf's number.
"What are you doing?" Chia had tersely asked.
"Telling him that you want to ask him out on a date," Gregory explained.
Neither were sure if Olaf had actually heard Gregory's announcement. All they were sure of was that after Chia had slammed Gregory's phone into a million pieces, they saw that the time Olaf had picked up his phone and had been listening for eleven seconds before it had been broken. The 'eleven' was ingrained in the broken phone's screen.
"Thanks a lot," Chia muttered. "Now you ruined the whole encounter."
"Only trying to help," Gregory had said defensively.
There apparently wasn't much incidents after that.
To be continued...
Monday, October 5, 2009
soREnsSTory (Before the storm: 2)
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on October 5, 2009
Phil had crash-landed right into Lief. Apparently, Lief had accidentally killed the Dentist who knew the weaknesses of the Urgur and was setting off for the main Dentist headquarters to capture another one. Phil stout-heartedly refused to do anything that he didn't want to do.
"They'll make your already perfect teeth more perfect;" Lief pressed.
Phil agreed to continue.
After they had arrived, they quickly beat down one of the guards and began to torture him for information. It turned out that that Dentist was the only person they knew of who had discovered the Urgurian secrets, and that if Lief hadn't killed him, they would have been able to tell him the secret.
"Curses!" Lief lamented in a much more sorrowful way than saying the word 'Curses' implies. "I fear that we shall never discover the weaknesses of the Urgur, and we shall all perish!"
"Um," Phil said. "I already discovered their weaknesses."
"You did?" Lief excitedly asked. "What are they?"
"First you must fawn over me." Phil said.
"Never," Lief said.
1.75 days later, after much fawning, Phil finally told Lief what was up. After the information was given, Lief and Phil high-tailed it to the final meeting of the classes, where the main leader of each class was meeting in conference. Lief explained that there was a chance that we could beat the Urgur, but it was very slim. Very slim indeed. No-one could think of a way to get that much water into the field without drowning their own men. NO-one.
"Helicopters aren't better than me," Phil had then muttered.
It was then that marked a new time in a new generation of classes. With those off-spoken words, the nine main leaders of the nine main classes decided: It was time for a new class to join the ranks of the major classes.
Helicopter Pilots are now the tenth major class.
Even as Lief explained the story, helicopters circled the skies, awaiting immediate evacuation in case anything went wrong. I nodded, marvelling at the ingenuity of his plan. But one thing bothered me.
"Helicopter Pilots are completely lame. Why would we add them as a Major class?" I asked. Lief coughed.
"Well, quite simply, they wouldn't accept any other offer." He said.
"So I guess that means there's ten major classes now," I said. Lief grinned.
"Not for long," he said. "I think we Vikings should slaughter them all and steal their helicopters if we ever get through this."
"Why would you want a helicopter?" I asked. "You already drive a kick-butt ship."
"But helicopters are SO COOL!" Lief breathed.
"Cooler than me?" Phil demanded.
"Of course," Lief responded.
As the oncoming tussel occured, I turned to Chia and Gregory.
"Well?" I said.
To be continued...
Phil had crash-landed right into Lief. Apparently, Lief had accidentally killed the Dentist who knew the weaknesses of the Urgur and was setting off for the main Dentist headquarters to capture another one. Phil stout-heartedly refused to do anything that he didn't want to do.
"They'll make your already perfect teeth more perfect;" Lief pressed.
Phil agreed to continue.
After they had arrived, they quickly beat down one of the guards and began to torture him for information. It turned out that that Dentist was the only person they knew of who had discovered the Urgurian secrets, and that if Lief hadn't killed him, they would have been able to tell him the secret.
"Curses!" Lief lamented in a much more sorrowful way than saying the word 'Curses' implies. "I fear that we shall never discover the weaknesses of the Urgur, and we shall all perish!"
"Um," Phil said. "I already discovered their weaknesses."
"You did?" Lief excitedly asked. "What are they?"
"First you must fawn over me." Phil said.
"Never," Lief said.
1.75 days later, after much fawning, Phil finally told Lief what was up. After the information was given, Lief and Phil high-tailed it to the final meeting of the classes, where the main leader of each class was meeting in conference. Lief explained that there was a chance that we could beat the Urgur, but it was very slim. Very slim indeed. No-one could think of a way to get that much water into the field without drowning their own men. NO-one.
"Helicopters aren't better than me," Phil had then muttered.
It was then that marked a new time in a new generation of classes. With those off-spoken words, the nine main leaders of the nine main classes decided: It was time for a new class to join the ranks of the major classes.
Helicopter Pilots are now the tenth major class.
Even as Lief explained the story, helicopters circled the skies, awaiting immediate evacuation in case anything went wrong. I nodded, marvelling at the ingenuity of his plan. But one thing bothered me.
"Helicopter Pilots are completely lame. Why would we add them as a Major class?" I asked. Lief coughed.
"Well, quite simply, they wouldn't accept any other offer." He said.
"So I guess that means there's ten major classes now," I said. Lief grinned.
"Not for long," he said. "I think we Vikings should slaughter them all and steal their helicopters if we ever get through this."
"Why would you want a helicopter?" I asked. "You already drive a kick-butt ship."
"But helicopters are SO COOL!" Lief breathed.
"Cooler than me?" Phil demanded.
"Of course," Lief responded.
As the oncoming tussel occured, I turned to Chia and Gregory.
"Well?" I said.
To be continued...
Saturday, October 3, 2009
soREnsSTory (Before the Storm: 1)
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on October 3, 2009
After Erik and Omar had gone through the Urgu death trap, they had arrived together right smack dab in the middle of a Minor class convention. Apparently, the Minor classes had been approached by a Robotic representative and had been asked to help with the elimination of the Urgur. The Minor classes were all discussing if they should help.
When Erik and Omar had appeared, they had appeared behind some curtains on the stage that the speakers were speaking on. After the two Vikings had discerned where they were and what the meeting was about,
they had stepped from behind the curtain and had revealed their presence. After the Minor classes had calmed down from seeing the awesome personage of a Viking, Omar began to speak. He gave a rousing speech on why the Minor classes should help. They weren't moved. Erik gave a rousing speech on why the Minor classes should help. They weren't moved. Erik and Omar quickly killed thirty representative from thirty different classes in ten seconds. They were moved.
Erik and Omar had led the Minor classes all the way to Regundor valley, which was where everyone was now.
After they had finished their story, I turned to Phil and Lief.
"What happened to you guys?" I asked.
To be continued...
After Erik and Omar had gone through the Urgu death trap, they had arrived together right smack dab in the middle of a Minor class convention. Apparently, the Minor classes had been approached by a Robotic representative and had been asked to help with the elimination of the Urgur. The Minor classes were all discussing if they should help.
When Erik and Omar had appeared, they had appeared behind some curtains on the stage that the speakers were speaking on. After the two Vikings had discerned where they were and what the meeting was about,
Erik and Omar had led the Minor classes all the way to Regundor valley, which was where everyone was now.
After they had finished their story, I turned to Phil and Lief.
"What happened to you guys?" I asked.
To be continued...
Thursday, October 1, 2009
sOREN'S sTORY
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on October 1, 2009
The Urgurian battle was going to commence the next day, so the carpenters quickly built some shelters and we all fell asleep. When we woke up and came out of the shelters, I gasped with amazement.
To our surprise, the armies of the classes had arrived. Ninjas, Vikings, Pirates, Dentists, Robots, Firemen, Postal Workers, Clowns, and Samurai milled around the field like a million drops of the sea. All were strangely silent. Suddenly, I noticed that the nine main classes were not the only ones who had arrived. Amazons, Butlers, Cowboys, Little Kids, High-School Teachers, and every other minor class were also intermingled with the other classes. It was strange to see so many classes together without any violence occuring.
Suddenly, a cry split the silence. I turned my head to see six Vikings running toward us. To my joy, I saw Omar, Phil, Erik, Chia, Lief, and Gregory, all together in a group. George was so excited, he wet his all-ready wet pants. The Carpnters that were gathered around him made a strange warcry and bowed before him.
"Soren!" Erik called to me. "Where have you been?"
"I can say the same thing about you!" I cried. "What happened since we last saw each other?"
"Actually," Omar said, giving Erik a strange look. "There are several stories that we each need to tell."
"All right," I said. "First we need Olaf."
"So he's with you?" Chia asked relievedly. "Good, I was worried about him."
"He's not with us," I sad worriedly. "I thought he was with you."
"No-one's seen him since you got out of that jail cell," Lief said, his brow furrowed in thought.
"How'd you know about that?" I asked.
"These four have told me what happened to them up to that point, but everything else is still up in the air." Lief explained.
"Well, I'll tell you what happened to us two," I explained. George whispered, "Good; I'm more scared of public speaking than I am of being burned alive."
"I got a match and a can of gas that says otherwise," Gregory said.
"FIRE? AHHH!" George screamed, collapsing into a heap. The Carpenters bowed.
I quickly told all who were present the story, and introduced IDC to them all. Once I was done, the others were solemnly nodding.
"Well, while you and George were one group, the rest of us split into four seperate groups," Erik explained. "Phil and I were in one group,"
"I ended up reappearing next to Lief," Chia said.
"And I wound up near Gregory," Omar muttered, giving the Chieftain an annoyed look.
"And Olaf is ... somewhere," Chia worriedly whispered.
"What happened to Erk and Phil?" I asked.
To be continued...
The Urgurian battle was going to commence the next day, so the carpenters quickly built some shelters and we all fell asleep. When we woke up and came out of the shelters, I gasped with amazement.
To our surprise, the armies of the classes had arrived. Ninjas, Vikings, Pirates, Dentists, Robots, Firemen, Postal Workers, Clowns, and Samurai milled around the field like a million drops of the sea. All were strangely silent. Suddenly, I noticed that the nine main classes were not the only ones who had arrived. Amazons, Butlers, Cowboys, Little Kids, High-School Teachers, and every other minor class were also intermingled with the other classes. It was strange to see so many classes together without any violence occuring.
Suddenly, a cry split the silence. I turned my head to see six Vikings running toward us. To my joy, I saw Omar, Phil, Erik, Chia, Lief, and Gregory, all together in a group. George was so excited, he wet his all-ready wet pants. The Carpnters that were gathered around him made a strange warcry and bowed before him.
"Soren!" Erik called to me. "Where have you been?"
"I can say the same thing about you!" I cried. "What happened since we last saw each other?"
"Actually," Omar said, giving Erik a strange look. "There are several stories that we each need to tell."
"All right," I said. "First we need Olaf."
"So he's with you?" Chia asked relievedly. "Good, I was worried about him."
"He's not with us," I sad worriedly. "I thought he was with you."
"No-one's seen him since you got out of that jail cell," Lief said, his brow furrowed in thought.
"How'd you know about that?" I asked.
"These four have told me what happened to them up to that point, but everything else is still up in the air." Lief explained.
"Well, I'll tell you what happened to us two," I explained. George whispered, "Good; I'm more scared of public speaking than I am of being burned alive."
"I got a match and a can of gas that says otherwise," Gregory said.
"FIRE? AHHH!" George screamed, collapsing into a heap. The Carpenters bowed.
I quickly told all who were present the story, and introduced IDC to them all. Once I was done, the others were solemnly nodding.
"Well, while you and George were one group, the rest of us split into four seperate groups," Erik explained. "Phil and I were in one group,"
"I ended up reappearing next to Lief," Chia said.
"And I wound up near Gregory," Omar muttered, giving the Chieftain an annoyed look.
"And Olaf is ... somewhere," Chia worriedly whispered.
"What happened to Erk and Phil?" I asked.
To be continued...
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
SorenStorySoren?
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on September 30, 2009
IDC outlined his plan to me. He quickly rebuilt his support, and I stood upon the support, holding George tightly against my right shoulder. He was beginning to go limp, but that didn't stop me.
"I am told by your friend IDC that your have been awaiting the coming of your prophet, the 'One-Who-Will-Be-Unable-To-Control-His-Bowel-Movements.' This 'prophet' is known as George the Yellow. I am George the Yellow's spokesperson, and I have news for you:
"George wants you all to take yourselves to the Field of Regundor, where you are to build large structures that surround the entire field. Once that is done, you will be saved, and after the structures fulfill their duty, then you may live in the field, which is where the promised land is."
All the carpenters excitedly gasped. The next thing I knew, they had built a bunch of airplanes, and we were flying to the plains.
"You guys are fast," I commented to IDC.
"Well, duh," he said. "We're the original Carpenter tribe."
"Hmm," I said. "That's presumptuous."
"We are!" He angrily cried.
"Ok, ok," I said.
We crash-landed onto the field about an hour later. Before I could get a look at my surroundings, the Carpenters had built a huge wall around the enire field. I studied the walls with approval.
"This is good," I said.
IDC quickly built an elevator so I could observe the other side. Looking over, I saw exactly what I wanted to see.
Everyone knows that Regundor is surrounded by Mountains. And everyone knows that Mountains are filled with springs and rivers and creeks. The Mountains were already flowing their water against the wall that the Carpenters had built. The dry, sandy fields of Regundor began to be surrounded with water.
"Let them come," I hissed.
To be Continued...
IDC outlined his plan to me. He quickly rebuilt his support, and I stood upon the support, holding George tightly against my right shoulder. He was beginning to go limp, but that didn't stop me.
"I am told by your friend IDC that your have been awaiting the coming of your prophet, the 'One-Who-Will-Be-Unable-To-Control-His-Bowel-Movements.' This 'prophet' is known as George the Yellow. I am George the Yellow's spokesperson, and I have news for you:
"George wants you all to take yourselves to the Field of Regundor, where you are to build large structures that surround the entire field. Once that is done, you will be saved, and after the structures fulfill their duty, then you may live in the field, which is where the promised land is."
All the carpenters excitedly gasped. The next thing I knew, they had built a bunch of airplanes, and we were flying to the plains.
"You guys are fast," I commented to IDC.
"Well, duh," he said. "We're the original Carpenter tribe."
"Hmm," I said. "That's presumptuous."
"We are!" He angrily cried.
"Ok, ok," I said.
We crash-landed onto the field about an hour later. Before I could get a look at my surroundings, the Carpenters had built a huge wall around the enire field. I studied the walls with approval.
"This is good," I said.
IDC quickly built an elevator so I could observe the other side. Looking over, I saw exactly what I wanted to see.
Everyone knows that Regundor is surrounded by Mountains. And everyone knows that Mountains are filled with springs and rivers and creeks. The Mountains were already flowing their water against the wall that the Carpenters had built. The dry, sandy fields of Regundor began to be surrounded with water.
"Let them come," I hissed.
To be Continued...
Monday, September 28, 2009
SORENSTORY
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on September 28, 2009
"How can you help us?" I eagerly asked.
"I guess you'll just have to find out in the next post," IDC coyly replied.
"Breaking the fourth wall is Olaf's thing," I said.
"Who's Olaf?" IDC asked.
"The friend I mentioned before, the one whose theory is that Dwarves and Vikings are related," I explained.
"Interesting," IDC said.
To be continued...
"How can you help us?" I eagerly asked.
"I guess you'll just have to find out in the next post," IDC coyly replied.
"Breaking the fourth wall is Olaf's thing," I said.
"Who's Olaf?" IDC asked.
"The friend I mentioned before, the one whose theory is that Dwarves and Vikings are related," I explained.
"Interesting," IDC said.
To be continued...
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Sorence Storie
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on September 27, 2009
IDC began to act rather jovially. "So, my brother," he said, slapping me on the back. "Why have you come?"
George suddenly woke up. "We were eating dinner and I was afraid that I was going to get poisoned and a shiny person appeared and made me feel sad and he killed my friends by talking and Lief came in a jumped onto my food and then we travelled to CVU and Thor made fun of Olaf and Lief killed a dentist and Olaf said we needed to go, and Chia made our boat backwards-yag, and we were attacked by dogs, and we were thrown in jail, and we almost were killed by Urgu but Olaf turned watery and I was brave cuz I threw him into Urgu and Lulu was there but she really wasn't and Erik and Chia sent us a wierd place where it was cool but we were vomited out by it and landed in the marsh all alone and wandered for hours and found you and you were mean and the blood rushed to my head and it was dark." He whined.
IDC stared at the Viking in stunned silence. "Not much of a Viking, is he?" he asked.
"If only we could isolate that Nervousness gene," I sighed.
"So what exactly was he blabbering about, exactly?" he asked.
I told him. The villagers began to gather around George, muttering about the prophecy and the Promised Land. His eyes opened wide.
"I think I might be able to help you, my brother," he said.
To be continued...
IDC began to act rather jovially. "So, my brother," he said, slapping me on the back. "Why have you come?"
George suddenly woke up. "We were eating dinner and I was afraid that I was going to get poisoned and a shiny person appeared and made me feel sad and he killed my friends by talking and Lief came in a jumped onto my food and then we travelled to CVU and Thor made fun of Olaf and Lief killed a dentist and Olaf said we needed to go, and Chia made our boat backwards-yag, and we were attacked by dogs, and we were thrown in jail, and we almost were killed by Urgu but Olaf turned watery and I was brave cuz I threw him into Urgu and Lulu was there but she really wasn't and Erik and Chia sent us a wierd place where it was cool but we were vomited out by it and landed in the marsh all alone and wandered for hours and found you and you were mean and the blood rushed to my head and it was dark." He whined.
IDC stared at the Viking in stunned silence. "Not much of a Viking, is he?" he asked.
"If only we could isolate that Nervousness gene," I sighed.
"So what exactly was he blabbering about, exactly?" he asked.
I told him. The villagers began to gather around George, muttering about the prophecy and the Promised Land. His eyes opened wide.
"I think I might be able to help you, my brother," he said.
To be continued...
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Soren's Story (end never here)
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on September 26, 2009
I was suddenly ripped from the beautiful world that I had entered, landing with a squelch into a marsh. I knew the dangers of marshes, and I began to wildly thrash my way out onto a less mucky part, as I knew that if I stayed for too long, I would be stuck forever.
Gasping, I pulled myself up onto drier land. Once I had caught my breath, I sat up and looked around.
Dark, dangerous trees hung over me like a dark, dangerous forest. Vines hung over everything, and strange sounds echoed ominously over all. I saw that I was alone. Before I could contemplate what my next move would be, however, there was a pop, and George fell screaming into the marsh. He quickly pulled himself out, and looked helplessly around.
"Where are we?" he moaned. "And where is everyone else?"
"I don't know," I solemnly replied. "I don't know." George stood.
"What do we do?" he asked.
"Well, let's get out of this place before we do anything else," I said, turning and walking toward one of the less misty areas of the marsh.
If we had not been Vikings, we never would have made it out of the marsh. As it was, it took us four hours to trudge through mud and grime and other junk. When we finally collapsed ten feet away from the edge, George was crying, and I was more sore than a... well, I was more sore than anything else.
I'm pretty sure that we passed out, because when we awoke, it was light outside; it had been dark in the marsh. Rolling onto my back, I suddenly became aware of a dark figure standing over me.
"AHHHH!" George shrieked.
"AHHHHH!" the dark figure shrieked, running away from us and hiding behind a rock.
"Good job," I said, getting to my feet. "Now he ran away."
"Where are we?" George asked, looking around. I looked up and saw, for the first time, that we had walked right into a well-developed town, complete with internet connection. Some people were walking around, and they were all wearing the same things.
"Carpenter aprons," I breathed. "We've walked into a town of carpenters."
"Is that a good thing?" George warily asked.
"I'm not sure," I said. "Vikings and them have never really gotten along, since we steal their boat-making industry. Be on your guard, and don't let them get too close."
The next thing I knew, we were tied upside down to a support beam that had just been built before our very eyes. The dark figure that we had seen turned out to be a short, bearded carpenter, who was the one who had tied us up and built the beam in the first place.
"HAR HAR HAR!" he cried, spinning around in a grotesque circle. "I has got you!"
The town suddenly emptied, as all the remaining carpenters had decided to gather around our dangling bodies. Something seemed strange about the Carpenter who had captured us, so I decided to wait and see what was happening. The carpenter made a swift movement with his arm, and a newly-built box appeared. Standing on the box, he cried, "I has catch Vikings! What I do?"
"Kill them!" All the carpenters roared. My theory about the Carpenter I deemed correct, since he had just pulled out a huge hammer that was three times his height. The Carpenter raised it above his head, just a few inches away from George's face.
"WILL I!" The Carpenter roared, pulling the hammer behind his head. George fainted; his pants suddenly became wet. The carpenters gasped. The Carpenter did not notice, and began to swing his axe toward my friend.
"You're a Dwarf, aren't you?" I asked.
The Dwarfish Carpenter completely missed George, slamming the Hammer into his supports and inadvertantly setting us free. As I dropped to my feet, George slammed into the ground headfirst. Before I could move, the carpenters had surrounded George, pointing at his pants.
"It is the prophecy!" One of the carpenters yelled. "The man who cannot control his bowel movements will lead us to the promised land!"
"Get ready to leave!" another one yelled. They all quickly ran to the town. I heard strange hammering and drilling sounds.
"'Ow 'id ye know I twas a Dwarf, Lad?" The Dwarfish carpenter asked, threateningly raising his hammer over his head. "If'n ye give me an answer, I twon't smash yo' head in."
"The size of your hammer," I said. "and your height, and your beard." The dwarf raised his hammer a little higher. "'is 'arpenter clan 'as been waitin' fo' this un'" hepointed at George, "'or a long toime. Ye, on da udder hand ..." he raised his hammer a few inches higher. "... 'ive me un reason why I shouldn't kill ye."
One thing I knew about dwarfs, they love their families. "My friend has a theory that Dwarves are related to Vikings," I said. "His name is Olaf the Bald."
"Prove it," he growled.
AFter we had used his internet connection and I had shown him this post that Olaf had written, he was all smiles. "Pleasure to meet you," he said. "My name is Ilmig the Dwarfish Carpenter, but you can call me IDC."
To be continued....
I was suddenly ripped from the beautiful world that I had entered, landing with a squelch into a marsh. I knew the dangers of marshes, and I began to wildly thrash my way out onto a less mucky part, as I knew that if I stayed for too long, I would be stuck forever.
Gasping, I pulled myself up onto drier land. Once I had caught my breath, I sat up and looked around.
Dark, dangerous trees hung over me like a dark, dangerous forest. Vines hung over everything, and strange sounds echoed ominously over all. I saw that I was alone. Before I could contemplate what my next move would be, however, there was a pop, and George fell screaming into the marsh. He quickly pulled himself out, and looked helplessly around.
"Where are we?" he moaned. "And where is everyone else?"
"I don't know," I solemnly replied. "I don't know." George stood.
"What do we do?" he asked.
"Well, let's get out of this place before we do anything else," I said, turning and walking toward one of the less misty areas of the marsh.
If we had not been Vikings, we never would have made it out of the marsh. As it was, it took us four hours to trudge through mud and grime and other junk. When we finally collapsed ten feet away from the edge, George was crying, and I was more sore than a... well, I was more sore than anything else.
I'm pretty sure that we passed out, because when we awoke, it was light outside; it had been dark in the marsh. Rolling onto my back, I suddenly became aware of a dark figure standing over me.
"AHHHH!" George shrieked.
"AHHHHH!" the dark figure shrieked, running away from us and hiding behind a rock.
"Good job," I said, getting to my feet. "Now he ran away."
"Where are we?" George asked, looking around. I looked up and saw, for the first time, that we had walked right into a well-developed town, complete with internet connection. Some people were walking around, and they were all wearing the same things.
"Carpenter aprons," I breathed. "We've walked into a town of carpenters."
"Is that a good thing?" George warily asked.
"I'm not sure," I said. "Vikings and them have never really gotten along, since we steal their boat-making industry. Be on your guard, and don't let them get too close."
The next thing I knew, we were tied upside down to a support beam that had just been built before our very eyes. The dark figure that we had seen turned out to be a short, bearded carpenter, who was the one who had tied us up and built the beam in the first place.
"HAR HAR HAR!" he cried, spinning around in a grotesque circle. "I has got you!"
The town suddenly emptied, as all the remaining carpenters had decided to gather around our dangling bodies. Something seemed strange about the Carpenter who had captured us, so I decided to wait and see what was happening. The carpenter made a swift movement with his arm, and a newly-built box appeared. Standing on the box, he cried, "I has catch Vikings! What I do?"
"Kill them!" All the carpenters roared. My theory about the Carpenter I deemed correct, since he had just pulled out a huge hammer that was three times his height. The Carpenter raised it above his head, just a few inches away from George's face.
"WILL I!" The Carpenter roared, pulling the hammer behind his head. George fainted; his pants suddenly became wet. The carpenters gasped. The Carpenter did not notice, and began to swing his axe toward my friend.
"You're a Dwarf, aren't you?" I asked.
The Dwarfish Carpenter completely missed George, slamming the Hammer into his supports and inadvertantly setting us free. As I dropped to my feet, George slammed into the ground headfirst. Before I could move, the carpenters had surrounded George, pointing at his pants.
"It is the prophecy!" One of the carpenters yelled. "The man who cannot control his bowel movements will lead us to the promised land!"
"Get ready to leave!" another one yelled. They all quickly ran to the town. I heard strange hammering and drilling sounds.
"'Ow 'id ye know I twas a Dwarf, Lad?" The Dwarfish carpenter asked, threateningly raising his hammer over his head. "If'n ye give me an answer, I twon't smash yo' head in."
"The size of your hammer," I said. "and your height, and your beard." The dwarf raised his hammer a little higher. "'is 'arpenter clan 'as been waitin' fo' this un'" hepointed at George, "'or a long toime. Ye, on da udder hand ..." he raised his hammer a few inches higher. "... 'ive me un reason why I shouldn't kill ye."
One thing I knew about dwarfs, they love their families. "My friend has a theory that Dwarves are related to Vikings," I said. "His name is Olaf the Bald."
"Prove it," he growled.
AFter we had used his internet connection and I had shown him this post that Olaf had written, he was all smiles. "Pleasure to meet you," he said. "My name is Ilmig the Dwarfish Carpenter, but you can call me IDC."
To be continued....
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Soren's Story: Shiny
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on September 23, 2009
I ... cannot ... describe ... the .... wonders ... we saw ....
To be continued...
I ... cannot ... describe ... the .... wonders ... we saw ....
To be continued...
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Soren's Story Mach 2
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on September 22. 2009
After the Urgu had gone, we all sat in a corner and thought.
"This is pretty uncomfortable," Olaf said. "Maybe we should separate into different corners."
We agreed, and we all sat in our own corner.
"If you think about it," I said. "It's pretty unpractical to build a seven-sided jail cell."
"You mean a Heptagon?" I asked.
"Yeah," I said. "That's what I meant."
"Hey, we're thinking, not talking aloud!" Erik screamed.
"LISTEN!" Chia screamed. We all got quiet. "We need to figure out how we can escape this cell without dying in the process!"
We thought.
"I'VE GOT IT!" Olaf shrieked. Jumping up, he began to quickly run around the cell in a loose circle.
"What the Out Dere Flappin' are you DOING?" Chia shrieked.
The next thing we knew, Olaf had stopped running.
"I thought we were making omeletes," he said.
Everyone stared at him with disbelief; well, except for Phil. He stared at himself with disbelief. "How on EARTH am I so SEXY?" he asked.
Everyone ignored both of them.
UP to this point, we had all avoided the spot where the Urgu who had pretended to be Lulu had gone. All that was left of any sort of evidence that anyone had been there was a tiny black scorch mark, about the size of a penny. Erik was getting frusterated, and he began to nervously pace around the seven-sided cell. We all watched him from our corners. He began to stray off of his straight pacing line. He hovered closer to the scorch mark.
ZAP! he disappeared for the slightest moment, reappearing beyond where he had stepped over the scorch mark. Everyone gaped at him in surprise.
"Whoa," Erik said.
Everyone jumped to their feet. "The dead Urgu left a prtal behind it, just like the one Lief jumpd into!" Olaf yelled.
"We shouldn't go into it," George stuttered.
"And why not?" Omar shrieked, giving Olaf a start. "I was gonna say that..." he moaned.
"Because it probably leads to wherever the Urgur go after they die," George said.
We all stopped.
"Good point," I said. "So what do we do?" Acting on impulse I turned to Erik. "What did you see?" I asked.
"I was in and out too fast," he said. Our brows furrowed with concentration. Chia's didn't, of course, and she looked at each of us in turn with a look of disgust on her face.
"ARE YOU VIKINGS OR NOT?" she suddenly screamed. "We thrive on the Unknown! We live for the unexpected! If this is our only chance to escape this grubby cell, so be it!"
"But we might die if we stay in there too long," Omar reasoned.
"Yeah," Olad agreed.
"On second thought, I agree with Chia," Omar said.
"Why? You just agreed with me," Olaf said.
"I never want to agree with you EVER," Omar said.
"But in saying that you agree with Chia, doesn't that mean you're lying?" Olaf asked.
"Well, yeah," Omar said.
"I love lying," Olaf said smugly.
"Well, then I retract all my prior statements. Let us pretend I have never spoken," Omar said nastily.
Olaf turned to Chia and whispered, "It's shameless the way we show our friendship."
Chia smiled. It was only for a split second, but she did. She then turned and slapped Olaf across the face. Olaf was already stunned enough from the dazzling smile, so the slap barely affected him.
"Here's the deal," she said. "I'll go in there, and if I come out, you'll know its too dangerous to enter. If I don't come out, that means its safe."
"Sounds good to me!" Our fearless leader cried.
"I guess you're not talking about me," George moaned.
Chia walked over the scorch mark and disappeared with a ZAP! Olaf counted for two seconds, and cried, "All right, we're safe!"
"You know, this is a very stupid plan," Omar iterated.
"In you go!" Olaf cried, grabbing Omar and throwing him in.
Erik simply nodded; he was still obviously upset about the loss of Lulu two times in a row. He walked over the scorch mark and vanished.
"Look, Phil, a magazine with your face on it!" Olaf cried, pointing to the scorch mark. Phil disappeared before he even bolted over it.
"I don't need you assistance, Olaf," I said grimly. He had just pulled a rather large Webster's dictionary and had hooked it onto a fishing pole. He was now dangling it over the scorch mark.
"Oh right," Olaf said.
I sighed, then stepped through.
To be continued...
After the Urgu had gone, we all sat in a corner and thought.
"This is pretty uncomfortable," Olaf said. "Maybe we should separate into different corners."
We agreed, and we all sat in our own corner.
"If you think about it," I said. "It's pretty unpractical to build a seven-sided jail cell."
"You mean a Heptagon?" I asked.
"Yeah," I said. "That's what I meant."
"Hey, we're thinking, not talking aloud!" Erik screamed.
"LISTEN!" Chia screamed. We all got quiet. "We need to figure out how we can escape this cell without dying in the process!"
We thought.
"I'VE GOT IT!" Olaf shrieked. Jumping up, he began to quickly run around the cell in a loose circle.
"What the Out Dere Flappin' are you DOING?" Chia shrieked.
The next thing we knew, Olaf had stopped running.
"I thought we were making omeletes," he said.
Everyone stared at him with disbelief; well, except for Phil. He stared at himself with disbelief. "How on EARTH am I so SEXY?" he asked.
Everyone ignored both of them.
UP to this point, we had all avoided the spot where the Urgu who had pretended to be Lulu had gone. All that was left of any sort of evidence that anyone had been there was a tiny black scorch mark, about the size of a penny. Erik was getting frusterated, and he began to nervously pace around the seven-sided cell. We all watched him from our corners. He began to stray off of his straight pacing line. He hovered closer to the scorch mark.
ZAP! he disappeared for the slightest moment, reappearing beyond where he had stepped over the scorch mark. Everyone gaped at him in surprise.
"Whoa," Erik said.
Everyone jumped to their feet. "The dead Urgu left a prtal behind it, just like the one Lief jumpd into!" Olaf yelled.
"We shouldn't go into it," George stuttered.
"And why not?" Omar shrieked, giving Olaf a start. "I was gonna say that..." he moaned.
"Because it probably leads to wherever the Urgur go after they die," George said.
We all stopped.
"Good point," I said. "So what do we do?" Acting on impulse I turned to Erik. "What did you see?" I asked.
"I was in and out too fast," he said. Our brows furrowed with concentration. Chia's didn't, of course, and she looked at each of us in turn with a look of disgust on her face.
"ARE YOU VIKINGS OR NOT?" she suddenly screamed. "We thrive on the Unknown! We live for the unexpected! If this is our only chance to escape this grubby cell, so be it!"
"But we might die if we stay in there too long," Omar reasoned.
"Yeah," Olad agreed.
"On second thought, I agree with Chia," Omar said.
"Why? You just agreed with me," Olaf said.
"I never want to agree with you EVER," Omar said.
"But in saying that you agree with Chia, doesn't that mean you're lying?" Olaf asked.
"Well, yeah," Omar said.
"I love lying," Olaf said smugly.
"Well, then I retract all my prior statements. Let us pretend I have never spoken," Omar said nastily.
Olaf turned to Chia and whispered, "It's shameless the way we show our friendship."
Chia smiled. It was only for a split second, but she did. She then turned and slapped Olaf across the face. Olaf was already stunned enough from the dazzling smile, so the slap barely affected him.
"Here's the deal," she said. "I'll go in there, and if I come out, you'll know its too dangerous to enter. If I don't come out, that means its safe."
"Sounds good to me!" Our fearless leader cried.
"I guess you're not talking about me," George moaned.
Chia walked over the scorch mark and disappeared with a ZAP! Olaf counted for two seconds, and cried, "All right, we're safe!"
"You know, this is a very stupid plan," Omar iterated.
"In you go!" Olaf cried, grabbing Omar and throwing him in.
Erik simply nodded; he was still obviously upset about the loss of Lulu two times in a row. He walked over the scorch mark and vanished.
"Look, Phil, a magazine with your face on it!" Olaf cried, pointing to the scorch mark. Phil disappeared before he even bolted over it.
"I don't need you assistance, Olaf," I said grimly. He had just pulled a rather large Webster's dictionary and had hooked it onto a fishing pole. He was now dangling it over the scorch mark.
"Oh right," Olaf said.
I sighed, then stepped through.
To be continued...
Monday, September 21, 2009
Soren's Story 10: Will this never-ending stoy ever end?
Written by Soren the Hardof-Hearing Scribe on september 20, 2009
"Your wish is granted," the Urgu said. "Olaf will die."
"Um, he's not dead yet," Omar said, looking over at Olaf, who was muttering under his breath.
"Of course not," the Urgu said. "You never specified a time at which he would die."
"Stupid loop-holes," Omar growled.
"And what is your wish, Olaf?" the Urgu asked.
"I wish to know what Lief's Dentist prisoner knew," Olaf said.
There was a flash; Olaf was suddenly soaked with water. He looked at himself with disgust. "This wasn't exactly what I had in mind," he moaned. George looked ove at him; a light flashed in his eyes.
"And now," the Urgu said. "How shall you be executed, Phil?"
"I wish to die a natural death," Phil said.
"As do I," Erik said.
"As do I," Lulu said. She had caught on quickly, as the method of execution had been discussed in our prior huddle, the one she had been without.
"As do I," Chia said.
"As do I," George said.
"As do I," I said.
"As do I," Omar said.
We all turned to Olaf. We all expected him to reply in the same way as we did, since it had been his idea. As he stood there, completely sopping wet, we heard him chuckle.
"I wish to die in te same manner she first did," he said, pointing to Lulu.
We all gasped. The Urgu nodded. His tone was an obvious anger. "Very well," he said. There was a poof. A small glass appeared on the floor in front of him. Olaf grinned.
"Gee, now isn't this surprising?" he retorically asked. "Here we all thought that you Urgurs had killed us with but a thought. When you really killed us with voice-activated poison, didn't you?"
"No, of course not," the Urgu said hesitantly.
"You lie!" Olaf yelled. "And here's the proof!" With a savage "Olaf the BAAAAALD!" he lunged at Lulu. Before she could react, he had drained the glass down her throat. With a cry, she fell backward. Erik yelled, "NO!" at the same time Olaf yelled, "I WILL DEMONSTRATE!"
Lulu collapsed, completely limp. As Erik turned toward Olaf with hatred in his eyes, he suddenly screamed and jumped back. Lulu was melting. At least, we had thought it was Lulu. Befoe ou very eyes, 'Lulu' turned into anoher Urgu. The Urgu jumped to its feet, and the hatred inits voice was obvious.
"It wasn't Lulu, Erik! Nothing can bring back the dead!" Olaf yelled as the second Urgu screamed, "You may have discovered that we cannot kill with a thought, but one touch will leave you gone forever!" As she lurched toward Olaf, George suddenly grabbed him. Lifting him up in the air, he threw him at the Urgu.
There was a brilliant flash of light as Olaf collided with the Urgu. The Urgu shrieked with pain as it suddenly dissolved into a million tiny particles. As Olaf shakily stood, the second Urgu completely disappeared. The First Urgu, which was still outside the Jail, stared at us. Though he had no face, we could feel the anger emanating from him.
"Water is their weakness," George whispered. Suddenly shaking his head, he cried, "Man, I wasted my brave act on throwing Olaf into something!"
"You will dry off eventually," The Urgu said, turning and striding away. "You shall all die shortly after."
To be continued...
"Your wish is granted," the Urgu said. "Olaf will die."
"Um, he's not dead yet," Omar said, looking over at Olaf, who was muttering under his breath.
"Of course not," the Urgu said. "You never specified a time at which he would die."
"Stupid loop-holes," Omar growled.
"And what is your wish, Olaf?" the Urgu asked.
"I wish to know what Lief's Dentist prisoner knew," Olaf said.
There was a flash; Olaf was suddenly soaked with water. He looked at himself with disgust. "This wasn't exactly what I had in mind," he moaned. George looked ove at him; a light flashed in his eyes.
"And now," the Urgu said. "How shall you be executed, Phil?"
"I wish to die a natural death," Phil said.
"As do I," Erik said.
"As do I," Lulu said. She had caught on quickly, as the method of execution had been discussed in our prior huddle, the one she had been without.
"As do I," Chia said.
"As do I," George said.
"As do I," I said.
"As do I," Omar said.
We all turned to Olaf. We all expected him to reply in the same way as we did, since it had been his idea. As he stood there, completely sopping wet, we heard him chuckle.
"I wish to die in te same manner she first did," he said, pointing to Lulu.
We all gasped. The Urgu nodded. His tone was an obvious anger. "Very well," he said. There was a poof. A small glass appeared on the floor in front of him. Olaf grinned.
"Gee, now isn't this surprising?" he retorically asked. "Here we all thought that you Urgurs had killed us with but a thought. When you really killed us with voice-activated poison, didn't you?"
"No, of course not," the Urgu said hesitantly.
"You lie!" Olaf yelled. "And here's the proof!" With a savage "Olaf the BAAAAALD!" he lunged at Lulu. Before she could react, he had drained the glass down her throat. With a cry, she fell backward. Erik yelled, "NO!" at the same time Olaf yelled, "I WILL DEMONSTRATE!"
Lulu collapsed, completely limp. As Erik turned toward Olaf with hatred in his eyes, he suddenly screamed and jumped back. Lulu was melting. At least, we had thought it was Lulu. Befoe ou very eyes, 'Lulu' turned into anoher Urgu. The Urgu jumped to its feet, and the hatred inits voice was obvious.
"It wasn't Lulu, Erik! Nothing can bring back the dead!" Olaf yelled as the second Urgu screamed, "You may have discovered that we cannot kill with a thought, but one touch will leave you gone forever!" As she lurched toward Olaf, George suddenly grabbed him. Lifting him up in the air, he threw him at the Urgu.
There was a brilliant flash of light as Olaf collided with the Urgu. The Urgu shrieked with pain as it suddenly dissolved into a million tiny particles. As Olaf shakily stood, the second Urgu completely disappeared. The First Urgu, which was still outside the Jail, stared at us. Though he had no face, we could feel the anger emanating from him.
"Water is their weakness," George whispered. Suddenly shaking his head, he cried, "Man, I wasted my brave act on throwing Olaf into something!"
"You will dry off eventually," The Urgu said, turning and striding away. "You shall all die shortly after."
To be continued...
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Soren's Story United
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on September 20, 2009
Needless to say, we were terribly beaten by the watchdogs. After we were dragged to an Urgurian jail cell by an Urgur, we awoke and saw that he was standing there, watching us.
"Oh, ye Vikings of the moern world!" He cried.
"He be talkin' to us?" Olaf asked.
"I think so," Erik the Noisy said. "Maybe we should ask him."
"No, you should ask ME," Phil said conceitedly.
"Then was he talking to us?" Chia asked annoyedly.
"Why wouldn't he?" Phi replied. "Who doesn't want to talk to me?"
The Urgu had completely ignored us, and had continued to speak over us. I had tried to catch what he was saying, but I couldn't over the incessant annoying talking that my compatriots were partaking in.
"... choice of death is to be yours, as well as your final wish," he was saying.
"So, we can choose how we die, and we can choose what our final wish is?" Olaf aske excitedly.
"Yes," the Urgu said. "You may."
"May we get our final wish granted before our execution?" Olaf asked.
"Of course," the Urgu said.
"May we collaborate?" Olaf asked.
"Indubitably," the Urgu said.
We quickly huddled up.
We unhuddled up.
"Ok, we want to ask our final wishes first," Olaf said.
"Then you may begin," the Urgu said, turning toward Phil. Phil had inconceivably began to start sobbing.
"I... want a mirror... so I can see.... myself one... last time," he cried.
POOF! A mirror magically appeared in Phil's hand. He was startled, of course, but took it in stride, lovingly cooing to himself as he looked at himself.
"You may choose next," the Urgu said, turning to Erik.
"I want to be able to see Lulu the Loud one last time," Erik said.
POOF! Lulu the Loud appeared, looking rather shaken and scared. Olaf looked at her with surprise. Something gleamed in his eyes.
"Lulu!" Erik cried. "You're not dead!"
After the five-minute long make-out session was over, the Urgu turned to Lulu. "What is your final wish?" he asked.
"I want to never die again," Lulu said. "Dying is scary."
"Very well," the Urgu said. "It is done." He then turned to Chia. "What is your wish?" he asked.
Chia grabbed Phil's mirror from him and held it aloft. "I want to be able to see who Is... THE ONE." she said softly.
"It is done," the Urgu said. Chia looked inside the mirror. With a scream, she dashed it onto the ground, breaking it into a million pieces. Before anyone could react, however, the Urgu had turned to George.
"I want to be brave for once in my life," George said.
"It shall happen," the Urgu said, turning to me.
"I want to know the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything," I said.
"Forty-two," the Urgu said, turning to Omar. Omar had been quiet up to this point. His eyes suddenly flamed with anger. Lifting up his eyes to the Urgu's face, he spoke.
"I want Olaf to die," he growled.
To be continued...
Needless to say, we were terribly beaten by the watchdogs. After we were dragged to an Urgurian jail cell by an Urgur, we awoke and saw that he was standing there, watching us.
"Oh, ye Vikings of the moern world!" He cried.
"He be talkin' to us?" Olaf asked.
"I think so," Erik the Noisy said. "Maybe we should ask him."
"No, you should ask ME," Phil said conceitedly.
"Then was he talking to us?" Chia asked annoyedly.
"Why wouldn't he?" Phi replied. "Who doesn't want to talk to me?"
The Urgu had completely ignored us, and had continued to speak over us. I had tried to catch what he was saying, but I couldn't over the incessant annoying talking that my compatriots were partaking in.
"... choice of death is to be yours, as well as your final wish," he was saying.
"So, we can choose how we die, and we can choose what our final wish is?" Olaf aske excitedly.
"Yes," the Urgu said. "You may."
"May we get our final wish granted before our execution?" Olaf asked.
"Of course," the Urgu said.
"May we collaborate?" Olaf asked.
"Indubitably," the Urgu said.
We quickly huddled up.
We unhuddled up.
"Ok, we want to ask our final wishes first," Olaf said.
"Then you may begin," the Urgu said, turning toward Phil. Phil had inconceivably began to start sobbing.
"I... want a mirror... so I can see.... myself one... last time," he cried.
POOF! A mirror magically appeared in Phil's hand. He was startled, of course, but took it in stride, lovingly cooing to himself as he looked at himself.
"You may choose next," the Urgu said, turning to Erik.
"I want to be able to see Lulu the Loud one last time," Erik said.
POOF! Lulu the Loud appeared, looking rather shaken and scared. Olaf looked at her with surprise. Something gleamed in his eyes.
"Lulu!" Erik cried. "You're not dead!"
After the five-minute long make-out session was over, the Urgu turned to Lulu. "What is your final wish?" he asked.
"I want to never die again," Lulu said. "Dying is scary."
"Very well," the Urgu said. "It is done." He then turned to Chia. "What is your wish?" he asked.
Chia grabbed Phil's mirror from him and held it aloft. "I want to be able to see who Is... THE ONE." she said softly.
"It is done," the Urgu said. Chia looked inside the mirror. With a scream, she dashed it onto the ground, breaking it into a million pieces. Before anyone could react, however, the Urgu had turned to George.
"I want to be brave for once in my life," George said.
"It shall happen," the Urgu said, turning to me.
"I want to know the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything," I said.
"Forty-two," the Urgu said, turning to Omar. Omar had been quiet up to this point. His eyes suddenly flamed with anger. Lifting up his eyes to the Urgu's face, he spoke.
"I want Olaf to die," he growled.
To be continued...
Friday, September 18, 2009
Soren's Story frever
Written by Soren the -Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on September 18th, 2009
After we had strolled on through the entrance, Olaf shouted, "YO! Anyone here?"
We were immediately surrounded by a large squadron of the Urgur Watchdogs that Lief had mentioned to us before.
"Sexist AND dumb," Chia muttered. "You really ARE the greatest Viking ever,"
"Thank you," Phil said.
"I was referring to Olaf," Chia growled.
"Phil slapped Olaf in the face," Phil said.
"Why did you say that?" George asked.
"Oh, my brain told my body to do something, but my body didn... um, I'm so dang smart, that my brain rejects any extraneous thought. Yeah, that's it," Phil said.
"So, are you actually gonna do it now?" Erik asked.
"Yeah," Phil said.
Phil slapped Olaf in the face. "Why are you stealing my praise, foo?" He screamed.
"That was an insult," Chia explained.
"Oh yeah," Phil said.
"I hate to be a bother," I said. "But we're still surrounded by the watchdogs."
And we were.
To be continued...
After we had strolled on through the entrance, Olaf shouted, "YO! Anyone here?"
We were immediately surrounded by a large squadron of the Urgur Watchdogs that Lief had mentioned to us before.
"Sexist AND dumb," Chia muttered. "You really ARE the greatest Viking ever,"
"Thank you," Phil said.
"I was referring to Olaf," Chia growled.
"Phil slapped Olaf in the face," Phil said.
"Why did you say that?" George asked.
"Oh, my brain told my body to do something, but my body didn... um, I'm so dang smart, that my brain rejects any extraneous thought. Yeah, that's it," Phil said.
"So, are you actually gonna do it now?" Erik asked.
"Yeah," Phil said.
Phil slapped Olaf in the face. "Why are you stealing my praise, foo?" He screamed.
"That was an insult," Chia explained.
"Oh yeah," Phil said.
"I hate to be a bother," I said. "But we're still surrounded by the watchdogs."
And we were.
To be continued...
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Keep on Goin', Soren's Story
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on September 17th, 2009
The Chia III reached the Urgur's stronghold two days before the final battle was due to start. The seven of us were tense with worry and fear. All except for Olaf, that is.
"So, if the Urgur can teleport anywhere they want at a moment's notice, and can kill with but a thought, why do they have a stronghold?" he asked.
"I don't know," I said.
"I think its a lack of thinking on the writer's part," Olaf said.
I didn't know what he was talking about, so I silently let him continue.
"I mean, sometimes, a writer will come up with a brilliant plot, but then create some-pumped-up uber-villians that no longer fit the environments thta the plot calls for. SO, the writer will simply leave the plot as it is, and will ignore the fact that it no longers entirely fits. I think that's what happened here with our writer,"
I decided to not let him continue.
"What ARE you talking about?" I asked.
"Come on! If you can't keep up, then what's the point in talking to me?" Olaf asked.
I agreed. I turned and walked the other way.
To be continued...
The Chia III reached the Urgur's stronghold two days before the final battle was due to start. The seven of us were tense with worry and fear. All except for Olaf, that is.
"So, if the Urgur can teleport anywhere they want at a moment's notice, and can kill with but a thought, why do they have a stronghold?" he asked.
"I don't know," I said.
"I think its a lack of thinking on the writer's part," Olaf said.
I didn't know what he was talking about, so I silently let him continue.
"I mean, sometimes, a writer will come up with a brilliant plot, but then create some-pumped-up uber-villians that no longer fit the environments thta the plot calls for. SO, the writer will simply leave the plot as it is, and will ignore the fact that it no longers entirely fits. I think that's what happened here with our writer,"
I decided to not let him continue.
"What ARE you talking about?" I asked.
"Come on! If you can't keep up, then what's the point in talking to me?" Olaf asked.
I agreed. I turned and walked the other way.
To be continued...
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Soren's Story again
We got into the boat that Lief had arranged for us. It was small, leaky, and splintery. Chia stopped us and told us that we needed to wait for a few minutes.
Five minutes later, the boat had transformed into a large, clogged, dreamboat. The only downside of it was that it was pink, but hey, when a female is fixing your boat for you, you know you gotta leave it how it is.
Olaf stepped aboard the boat and sniffed. "Ah, this is nice," he said. "I shall christen thee...."
"Chia II."
CHia slapped him across the face.
"Don't name things after me, you pig!" she roared.
"Chia III, then?" he asked.
"Much better," she said, turning and striding off to another part of the boat.
To be continued...
Five minutes later, the boat had transformed into a large, clogged, dreamboat. The only downside of it was that it was pink, but hey, when a female is fixing your boat for you, you know you gotta leave it how it is.
Olaf stepped aboard the boat and sniffed. "Ah, this is nice," he said. "I shall christen thee...."
"Chia II."
CHia slapped him across the face.
"Don't name things after me, you pig!" she roared.
"Chia III, then?" he asked.
"Much better," she said, turning and striding off to another part of the boat.
To be continued...
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Contiuation of Soren's Story
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on September 15, 2009
As the seven of us walked out the door, Olaf leaned over to me and whispered, "Hey, don't you think Chia the Mace is hot?"
"I am well into my seventies, young Olaf," I said. "Twould be wrong to judge her by her physical appearances."
"Come on, just say she's hot."
"I shall not."
"Come on!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"FINE I THINK CHIA THE MACE IS HOT!" I cried, merely to placate Olaf into shutting up.
Chia the Mace slapped me across the face.
To be continued...
As the seven of us walked out the door, Olaf leaned over to me and whispered, "Hey, don't you think Chia the Mace is hot?"
"I am well into my seventies, young Olaf," I said. "Twould be wrong to judge her by her physical appearances."
"Come on, just say she's hot."
"I shall not."
"Come on!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"FINE I THINK CHIA THE MACE IS HOT!" I cried, merely to placate Olaf into shutting up.
Chia the Mace slapped me across the face.
To be continued...
Monday, September 14, 2009
Soren's Story (Goin on...)
Written by Soen the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on September 14, 2009
As I was the last one to leave the conference room, I decided that I needed to ask Lief a question. "Sir," I called as I turned toward him. "Why do you have that dentist? Why are you covered in blood?"
"The dentist I picked up while infiltrating the base," he replied. "I've been trying to scare out what he was doing there."
"Torture's always an option," I said. The dentist screamed, then passed out.
"Now look what you've done," Lief said with disgust. Regaining his composure, he said, "This is my own blood; I got into a battle with one of the Urgur's watchdogs, and I barely escaped with my life."
"Urgurian watchdogs?" Olaf asked, peeking his head around the corner of the door. "What are those like?"
"Oh, they just bite your arms off with one of their 53 mouths," Lief said. "I didn't have any arms, so he just got my stumps. And I've lost more blood than this before."
"I see..." Olaf and I said.
We walked out.
To be continued....
As I was the last one to leave the conference room, I decided that I needed to ask Lief a question. "Sir," I called as I turned toward him. "Why do you have that dentist? Why are you covered in blood?"
"The dentist I picked up while infiltrating the base," he replied. "I've been trying to scare out what he was doing there."
"Torture's always an option," I said. The dentist screamed, then passed out.
"Now look what you've done," Lief said with disgust. Regaining his composure, he said, "This is my own blood; I got into a battle with one of the Urgur's watchdogs, and I barely escaped with my life."
"Urgurian watchdogs?" Olaf asked, peeking his head around the corner of the door. "What are those like?"
"Oh, they just bite your arms off with one of their 53 mouths," Lief said. "I didn't have any arms, so he just got my stumps. And I've lost more blood than this before."
"I see..." Olaf and I said.
We walked out.
To be continued....
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Soren's Story (S. Cont.)
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on September 12, 2009
When we arrived at CVU, the air was fraught with despair. We learned that many other ships had lost men to the Urgur messengers as well, and some had been completely obliterated. As we entered the CVU conference room, we could feel the tension and the worry.
A viking I had never seen before stood at the main table, looking up at us with a severe solemnity. "Our great leader and Dean, Lief the Armless, is currently tracking the Urgu to their place of war," he said. "He has left the defense of our people in charge of one man, someone who I am sure is here." The vikings present leaned in, wondering who could be our psued0-leader.
"The viking who shall take Lief's place, should he die," the severe viking said, "Is Olaf the Bald."
The vikings present gasped. Olaf whooped. He then ran down to the table and smacked the severe viking away.
"Ok," Olaf said in an almost giddy tone. "Here's what we need to do.... We need to get lots and lots of Pie, and then we'll..."
There was a brilliant flash of lightning, and the next thing we all knew, Thor had appeared.
"OLAF HENDERSON THE BALD!" He roared. "This is not a time for your foolish materialistic desires! This is a time for planning, for preparing, for WAR!" The vikings cheered.
"What do you suggest then, oh Great Thor?" Olaf sarcastically asked. "The Urgu can kill us with one wink of an eyecube..."
"Eyecube?" Thor questioned.
"I couldn't tell what shape its eyes were!" Olaf protested. "Anyway, how are we supposed to fight them? I thought it would be nice to indulge ourselves before we're mercillessly slaughtered."
"Your point is sound, Olaf," Thor said gravely. "Even so, your lazy desires gives me a desire to kill you along with your desire. You knowI cannot, since you have a great destiny to fulfill..."
"Yeah, about that," Olaf asked. "What exactly is this 'Great Destiny' people keep talking about?"
"If you want to find out, win this war," Thor said. "Now, I would say I value your opinion, but I don't, so I'm going to order you to accept what I'm telling you to do right now.
"There has been only one time when we vikings have joined forces with the other classes. That was when the Laotogo first attacked. I would say that this is a much more dire cause. Thus, we are teaming up with the other classes."
There was a murmur. "And how does that keep us from being massacred?" Olaf asked.
"Think about it, Olaf," Thor said impatiently. "These are the descendants of the same race that was nearly obliterated by Ninjas. What are Ninjas?"
"____heads," Olaf replied.
"Well, yes," Thor admitted. "But they are the descendants of a race of people that obliterated them."
"So?" Olaf said.
"So the Ninjas know the Urgur's weaknesses!" Thor cried.
"Then why would we team up with all the other classes?" Olaf countered. "They don't know how to defeat them; why should we work with them."
"I fear that is my fault," a voice said. Everyone's head turned toward the voice. We saw, with surprise, Lief the Armless. He was sopping wet with blood. A dentist was tied up next to him. He seemd unconscious.
"Viking scientists have noticed that the elcetricity levels of the world have been rapidly increasing for the last ten years," Lief said tiredly. "Evryone knows scientists can't keep their bloody mouths shut..."
"HA HA HA!" Olaf shrieked. "YOU have a bloody mouth too!"
"... so our scientists compared results with the other class's scientists," Lief said, ignoring Olaf's dumb outburst. "And they all saw the same thing. The scientists began to suspect that something terrifyingly terrible, dealing with electricity, was coming to our world. Through much extensive research, they realized that the Firey Urgur from the past would have evolved into something that could deal these massive amounts of energy. Just to be on the safe side, the scientists from each of the seven other classes convinced their leaders to buy the information on how to kill Urgur from the ninjas. I, on the other hand..." Lief sighed. "...did not."
"SO we're the only ones in the world who don't know how to kill the Urgur?" Olaf asked. Thor nodded.
"There's only one thing we can do," he said. "Join with the ninjas." TO everyone's surprise, Olaf and Lief both yelled, "NO!" at the exact same time.
"I refuse to be associated with these heathens!" Lief yelled.
"I refuse to be asscoiated with those losers!" Olaf cried.
"For someone who claims to love bing epic, Olaf, your choice of words never are." Thor said. "All right, leaders of the Vikings. How else do you expect us to save our entire race from going extinct?"
"Someone needs to do a covert operation and sneak into the Urgur's base, figure out what they're weak to," Lief said. "I tracked one of them to their base, so I know where it is."
"I shall lead this operation," Olaf volunteered.
"You'll need at least six others to go with you," Thor put in. Olaf grinned. "Oh, I know just the six," he said. He then pointed to six individual vikings.
First, to Omar the Bold. "Dog crap," he muttered.
Second, to George the Yellow. "I'm included!" he cried.
Third, to Erik the Noisy. "Pick Lulu too!" he called.
"Lulu's dead," Omar said bluntly.
"Oh yeah," Erik said.
Fourth, to Phil the Conceited. "I do love myself," he said, not paying attention.
Fifth, to me. I decided to refrain from commenting on being chosen.
And sixth, to some Viking from another crew. As the viking stood up, we could barely see what he looked like, do to how we were behind him and his back was turned to us, and how he was covered in a dark fur coat. "Why me?" he asked in a strange, falsetto voice.
"Well, duh," Olaf said. "You're totally hot." AT that, the viking threw off his fur coat, revealing from behind that the 'he' was a she. Walking up to Olaf, she slapped him across the face.
"Pig!" she cried, flipping her long, blond hair behind her. Angrily turning from the bewildered Olaf, she pulled out a red lipstick tube and quickly applied it. Closing it, she pulled out her Weapon of choice: a simple mace.
I am personally getting on in years, so I did not notice the young maiden's beauty. But all the vikings around me were excitedly talking, agreeing with Olaf's judgement: she was hot.
"My name is Chia the Mace," the maiden said threateningly, staring at Olaf with an intensity hot enough to scorch the sun. "And don't you forget it." Turning, she looked at one of the people she had been sitting next to. Olaf shakily nodded to Lief. Lief handed him a small piece of paper. Olaf walked around the table and passed in front of Chia.
Chia smiled at her friend, the one she had been sitting next to.
Olaf glanced over and stopped, staring at Chia's smile with a dumb-founded expression on his face. CHia glared at him, then haughtily walked out of the conference room.
The five of his compatriots left their seats and joined him. I was among them. Olaf shook his head.
"Let's go," he said.
To be continued...
When we arrived at CVU, the air was fraught with despair. We learned that many other ships had lost men to the Urgur messengers as well, and some had been completely obliterated. As we entered the CVU conference room, we could feel the tension and the worry.
A viking I had never seen before stood at the main table, looking up at us with a severe solemnity. "Our great leader and Dean, Lief the Armless, is currently tracking the Urgu to their place of war," he said. "He has left the defense of our people in charge of one man, someone who I am sure is here." The vikings present leaned in, wondering who could be our psued0-leader.
"The viking who shall take Lief's place, should he die," the severe viking said, "Is Olaf the Bald."
The vikings present gasped. Olaf whooped. He then ran down to the table and smacked the severe viking away.
"Ok," Olaf said in an almost giddy tone. "Here's what we need to do.... We need to get lots and lots of Pie, and then we'll..."
There was a brilliant flash of lightning, and the next thing we all knew, Thor had appeared.
"OLAF HENDERSON THE BALD!" He roared. "This is not a time for your foolish materialistic desires! This is a time for planning, for preparing, for WAR!" The vikings cheered.
"What do you suggest then, oh Great Thor?" Olaf sarcastically asked. "The Urgu can kill us with one wink of an eyecube..."
"Eyecube?" Thor questioned.
"I couldn't tell what shape its eyes were!" Olaf protested. "Anyway, how are we supposed to fight them? I thought it would be nice to indulge ourselves before we're mercillessly slaughtered."
"Your point is sound, Olaf," Thor said gravely. "Even so, your lazy desires gives me a desire to kill you along with your desire. You knowI cannot, since you have a great destiny to fulfill..."
"Yeah, about that," Olaf asked. "What exactly is this 'Great Destiny' people keep talking about?"
"If you want to find out, win this war," Thor said. "Now, I would say I value your opinion, but I don't, so I'm going to order you to accept what I'm telling you to do right now.
"There has been only one time when we vikings have joined forces with the other classes. That was when the Laotogo first attacked. I would say that this is a much more dire cause. Thus, we are teaming up with the other classes."
There was a murmur. "And how does that keep us from being massacred?" Olaf asked.
"Think about it, Olaf," Thor said impatiently. "These are the descendants of the same race that was nearly obliterated by Ninjas. What are Ninjas?"
"____heads," Olaf replied.
"Well, yes," Thor admitted. "But they are the descendants of a race of people that obliterated them."
"So?" Olaf said.
"So the Ninjas know the Urgur's weaknesses!" Thor cried.
"Then why would we team up with all the other classes?" Olaf countered. "They don't know how to defeat them; why should we work with them."
"I fear that is my fault," a voice said. Everyone's head turned toward the voice. We saw, with surprise, Lief the Armless. He was sopping wet with blood. A dentist was tied up next to him. He seemd unconscious.
"Viking scientists have noticed that the elcetricity levels of the world have been rapidly increasing for the last ten years," Lief said tiredly. "Evryone knows scientists can't keep their bloody mouths shut..."
"HA HA HA!" Olaf shrieked. "YOU have a bloody mouth too!"
"... so our scientists compared results with the other class's scientists," Lief said, ignoring Olaf's dumb outburst. "And they all saw the same thing. The scientists began to suspect that something terrifyingly terrible, dealing with electricity, was coming to our world. Through much extensive research, they realized that the Firey Urgur from the past would have evolved into something that could deal these massive amounts of energy. Just to be on the safe side, the scientists from each of the seven other classes convinced their leaders to buy the information on how to kill Urgur from the ninjas. I, on the other hand..." Lief sighed. "...did not."
"SO we're the only ones in the world who don't know how to kill the Urgur?" Olaf asked. Thor nodded.
"There's only one thing we can do," he said. "Join with the ninjas." TO everyone's surprise, Olaf and Lief both yelled, "NO!" at the exact same time.
"I refuse to be associated with these heathens!" Lief yelled.
"I refuse to be asscoiated with those losers!" Olaf cried.
"For someone who claims to love bing epic, Olaf, your choice of words never are." Thor said. "All right, leaders of the Vikings. How else do you expect us to save our entire race from going extinct?"
"Someone needs to do a covert operation and sneak into the Urgur's base, figure out what they're weak to," Lief said. "I tracked one of them to their base, so I know where it is."
"I shall lead this operation," Olaf volunteered.
"You'll need at least six others to go with you," Thor put in. Olaf grinned. "Oh, I know just the six," he said. He then pointed to six individual vikings.
First, to Omar the Bold. "Dog crap," he muttered.
Second, to George the Yellow. "I'm included!" he cried.
Third, to Erik the Noisy. "Pick Lulu too!" he called.
"Lulu's dead," Omar said bluntly.
"Oh yeah," Erik said.
Fourth, to Phil the Conceited. "I do love myself," he said, not paying attention.
Fifth, to me. I decided to refrain from commenting on being chosen.
And sixth, to some Viking from another crew. As the viking stood up, we could barely see what he looked like, do to how we were behind him and his back was turned to us, and how he was covered in a dark fur coat. "Why me?" he asked in a strange, falsetto voice.
"Well, duh," Olaf said. "You're totally hot." AT that, the viking threw off his fur coat, revealing from behind that the 'he' was a she. Walking up to Olaf, she slapped him across the face.
"Pig!" she cried, flipping her long, blond hair behind her. Angrily turning from the bewildered Olaf, she pulled out a red lipstick tube and quickly applied it. Closing it, she pulled out her Weapon of choice: a simple mace.
I am personally getting on in years, so I did not notice the young maiden's beauty. But all the vikings around me were excitedly talking, agreeing with Olaf's judgement: she was hot.
"My name is Chia the Mace," the maiden said threateningly, staring at Olaf with an intensity hot enough to scorch the sun. "And don't you forget it." Turning, she looked at one of the people she had been sitting next to. Olaf shakily nodded to Lief. Lief handed him a small piece of paper. Olaf walked around the table and passed in front of Chia.
Chia smiled at her friend, the one she had been sitting next to.
Olaf glanced over and stopped, staring at Chia's smile with a dumb-founded expression on his face. CHia glared at him, then haughtily walked out of the conference room.
The five of his compatriots left their seats and joined him. I was among them. Olaf shook his head.
"Let's go," he said.
To be continued...
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Soren's Story (Continued)
Written by Soren the Hard-of Hearing Scribe on Sepetember 6, 2009
As soon as the Urgu had left, Gregory the Hairy jumped out of his seat and ran to the spot where the Urgu had left. Before he reached it, however, he stopped. Reaching a hand out, it suddenly disappeared. Before anyone could gasp, however, he had drawn it back, and his hand was still intact.
"Whatever he used to disappear like that left a trace," he proclaimed. "Does anyone want to follow the Urgu and see what is happening wherever he went to?" No-one moved.
Suddenly, the ceiling exploded inward. Some of the Viking Chicks screamed as a dark figure fell onto the table. Jumping up, the dark figure yelled, "Was an Urgu here?" As the dust cleared, we saw that it was Lief the Armless. A huge sword was clenched between his teeth. No one responded; Gregory simply pointed to the spot where his hand had disappeared. With a savage roar, Lief dived into where he had pointed. There was a brilliant flash of light, and the leader of the Vikings disappeared.
Everyone sat in stunned silence. Erik the Noisy was the first to break it, running over to his now-dead girlfriend and sobbing. For everyone else, the silence became greater; no Viking had cried for the death of another since the Time Machine incident, where Chompsky the Inventor's wife had cried when he had been left behind.
Vikings do not cry for the death of others; we know that they are having a better existance on the other side. The only sad thing about death is how that dead person is no longer able to assist their enemies into enlightenment, which, in turn, turns them to friends.
Olaf was the next to speak. "When a Main Character dies," he intoned. "It shows that the story is coming to a close."
Gregory chouted, "Get everyone on the ship! We're meeting at CVU!" That is where the Vikings decided to meet should any sign of a mass destruction take place.
We were there the next day.
To be continued...
As soon as the Urgu had left, Gregory the Hairy jumped out of his seat and ran to the spot where the Urgu had left. Before he reached it, however, he stopped. Reaching a hand out, it suddenly disappeared. Before anyone could gasp, however, he had drawn it back, and his hand was still intact.
"Whatever he used to disappear like that left a trace," he proclaimed. "Does anyone want to follow the Urgu and see what is happening wherever he went to?" No-one moved.
Suddenly, the ceiling exploded inward. Some of the Viking Chicks screamed as a dark figure fell onto the table. Jumping up, the dark figure yelled, "Was an Urgu here?" As the dust cleared, we saw that it was Lief the Armless. A huge sword was clenched between his teeth. No one responded; Gregory simply pointed to the spot where his hand had disappeared. With a savage roar, Lief dived into where he had pointed. There was a brilliant flash of light, and the leader of the Vikings disappeared.
Everyone sat in stunned silence. Erik the Noisy was the first to break it, running over to his now-dead girlfriend and sobbing. For everyone else, the silence became greater; no Viking had cried for the death of another since the Time Machine incident, where Chompsky the Inventor's wife had cried when he had been left behind.
Vikings do not cry for the death of others; we know that they are having a better existance on the other side. The only sad thing about death is how that dead person is no longer able to assist their enemies into enlightenment, which, in turn, turns them to friends.
Olaf was the next to speak. "When a Main Character dies," he intoned. "It shows that the story is coming to a close."
Gregory chouted, "Get everyone on the ship! We're meeting at CVU!" That is where the Vikings decided to meet should any sign of a mass destruction take place.
We were there the next day.
To be continued...
Friday, September 11, 2009
Soren's Story
Written by Soren the Hard-of-Hearing Scribe on September 4, 2009
Something happened yesterday that changed how all of Vikings see existance. As it has always been my duty to record the history of whatever is happening around me at that time, I have no choice but to chronicle the happenings.
This was written on September 4th, but will be published online on September 11th, for reasons that I will keep to myself.
It all happened yesterday, Spetember 3rd. The Viking crew of the Bloodhound II were sitting around the mess hall table when we heard a strange knock at the door. Mystified, we sent Omar the Bold to go investigate the knocking. After he had opened the door, we saw the most strange sight.
A figure stood in the doorway, seemingly completely naked, though it was hard to tell if this was true or not, due to the violent, crackling blue light that encircled it's entire body. It hovered a few inches above the floor, and appeared to be looking at us, though no eyes were visible on it's face, along with every single other facial feature. It's hands had no fingers, as far as I could tell, and it's feet seemd to fade away into nothing at the ends. Looking directly at Chieftain Gregory the Hairy, it spoke. No mouth moved, as it had none, but the words seemed to penetrate our ears nonetheless.
"I am a representative of the Urgurian class that was seemingly destroyed by the Ninja class long ago," the figure said. Many of the Vikings that were seated around the table gasped; all knew of the story of the Urgur class. I will not go into a detailed description of their terrible history, but you may research it yourself throughout Olaf's blog; I suggest you start with his short viking history, entitled Classes, Sub-Classes, Wanna-Be Classes, and Glasses.
"Despite your puny, false beliefs," the Urgu continued, "SOME of us Urgur survived. We have lain in wait, waiting for the opportunity to enact our revenge on all who allowed us to be massacred by Ninjas. Though Ninjas shall feel the largest blow, Vikings are no exception to our oncoming wrath. As you have quarreled and fought one another, thinning each other's ranks, we have merely grown. We have also evolved into something much, much more greater than you could have ever imagined. I will demonstrate."
Before anyone could move, two Vikings suddenly gasped. The next thing we knew, they were dead, fallen into the food in an almost comical way. The two vikings were Rasputin the Healer and Lulu the Loud.
"LULU!" Erik cried, stricken beyond all belief. Before any of us could come to anyone's aid, the Urgu continued. "Unlike the treachery and trickery that allowed us to be killed, we shall meet all those who allowed us to die in a fair, open battle in the fields of Regundor. Representatives of my race have been sent to all those who apply." The figure then gave us a sort of awkward salute.
"We will meet you in three day's time," he said. There was a brilliant flash of light.
The Urgu was gone.
To be continued...
Something happened yesterday that changed how all of Vikings see existance. As it has always been my duty to record the history of whatever is happening around me at that time, I have no choice but to chronicle the happenings.
This was written on September 4th, but will be published online on September 11th, for reasons that I will keep to myself.
It all happened yesterday, Spetember 3rd. The Viking crew of the Bloodhound II were sitting around the mess hall table when we heard a strange knock at the door. Mystified, we sent Omar the Bold to go investigate the knocking. After he had opened the door, we saw the most strange sight.
A figure stood in the doorway, seemingly completely naked, though it was hard to tell if this was true or not, due to the violent, crackling blue light that encircled it's entire body. It hovered a few inches above the floor, and appeared to be looking at us, though no eyes were visible on it's face, along with every single other facial feature. It's hands had no fingers, as far as I could tell, and it's feet seemd to fade away into nothing at the ends. Looking directly at Chieftain Gregory the Hairy, it spoke. No mouth moved, as it had none, but the words seemed to penetrate our ears nonetheless.
"I am a representative of the Urgurian class that was seemingly destroyed by the Ninja class long ago," the figure said. Many of the Vikings that were seated around the table gasped; all knew of the story of the Urgur class. I will not go into a detailed description of their terrible history, but you may research it yourself throughout Olaf's blog; I suggest you start with his short viking history, entitled Classes, Sub-Classes, Wanna-Be Classes, and Glasses.
"Despite your puny, false beliefs," the Urgu continued, "SOME of us Urgur survived. We have lain in wait, waiting for the opportunity to enact our revenge on all who allowed us to be massacred by Ninjas. Though Ninjas shall feel the largest blow, Vikings are no exception to our oncoming wrath. As you have quarreled and fought one another, thinning each other's ranks, we have merely grown. We have also evolved into something much, much more greater than you could have ever imagined. I will demonstrate."
Before anyone could move, two Vikings suddenly gasped. The next thing we knew, they were dead, fallen into the food in an almost comical way. The two vikings were Rasputin the Healer and Lulu the Loud.
"LULU!" Erik cried, stricken beyond all belief. Before any of us could come to anyone's aid, the Urgu continued. "Unlike the treachery and trickery that allowed us to be killed, we shall meet all those who allowed us to die in a fair, open battle in the fields of Regundor. Representatives of my race have been sent to all those who apply." The figure then gave us a sort of awkward salute.
"We will meet you in three day's time," he said. There was a brilliant flash of light.
The Urgu was gone.
To be continued...
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Simple
Sometimes It's best, it seems,
to look at life through it's gleams
and do not try to escalate,
or death will be your gruesome fate
So look around your puny world,
there's not much left, our numbers curl
one small act is all we need
start the boulder, say the creed.
Olaf the BAAAAAALD!
to look at life through it's gleams
and do not try to escalate,
or death will be your gruesome fate
So look around your puny world,
there's not much left, our numbers curl
one small act is all we need
start the boulder, say the creed.
Olaf the BAAAAAALD!
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Post for P-----
All right! The TAT team won! And I was technically a contributing player, since I had an actual position: Left Bench! We won 6-2!
Twas Sweet.
Olaf the BAAAAAALD!
Twas Sweet.
Olaf the BAAAAAALD!
Monday, August 31, 2009
Obsessions
There are many things I am obsesses about. My novel that I'm writing, certain video games, my hatred for specific random things like Gravity and Penguins, Pie, my bardic skills, my lack of soccer skills, and my own irresistible self.
One of the strangest things I'm obsessed about it this video.
I don't even deal with too many of these things, and yet, I feel it fits my life SO WELL.
I wonder why?
ON a side note, my greatest obsession is this blog. But I've been finding it increasingly hard to come up with new topics to rant about. So, If I just leave each day with a somewhat humorous side-note, then don't feel too offended. Most posts will now be formatted in this way: Short, sweet.
Olaf the BAAAAALD!
One of the strangest things I'm obsessed about it this video.
I don't even deal with too many of these things, and yet, I feel it fits my life SO WELL.
I wonder why?
ON a side note, my greatest obsession is this blog. But I've been finding it increasingly hard to come up with new topics to rant about. So, If I just leave each day with a somewhat humorous side-note, then don't feel too offended. Most posts will now be formatted in this way: Short, sweet.
Olaf the BAAAAALD!
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Gravity
I really hate Gravity. You know why? CAUSE IT KEEPS ME FROM FLYING!
The way I see it, if Gravity didn't exist, I could fly. And if I could fly, I could become a much better fighter by 100%. Where's my logic in that, you ask? Well, I'll use my all-purpose 'Flying is Better Than Walking" explanation: The first Kingdom Hearts.
When Sora gets magic pixie dust sprinkled on him, he starts flyin' around like he's some magic pixie dust freak! He can attack his enemies from the air and ground! He levels up like forty times! It's insanity!
This is why I want to fly. Oh, I've tried more conventional methods, like catching fairies and shaking them all over me, but in reality, pixie dust is a laxative, not a magical flying apparatus. I've tried creating personal hover/rocket machines, but they just explode. And people always wonder why I'm complaining about my back...
It's obvious to me that the easiest way to be able to fly is to destroy Gravity. That's why I hate it.
Olaf the BAAAAALD!
The way I see it, if Gravity didn't exist, I could fly. And if I could fly, I could become a much better fighter by 100%. Where's my logic in that, you ask? Well, I'll use my all-purpose 'Flying is Better Than Walking" explanation: The first Kingdom Hearts.
When Sora gets magic pixie dust sprinkled on him, he starts flyin' around like he's some magic pixie dust freak! He can attack his enemies from the air and ground! He levels up like forty times! It's insanity!
This is why I want to fly. Oh, I've tried more conventional methods, like catching fairies and shaking them all over me, but in reality, pixie dust is a laxative, not a magical flying apparatus. I've tried creating personal hover/rocket machines, but they just explode. And people always wonder why I'm complaining about my back...
It's obvious to me that the easiest way to be able to fly is to destroy Gravity. That's why I hate it.
Olaf the BAAAAALD!
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