July 13th-17th: Week-Long 'Jousting' tournament created by the Knights a few thousand years back, where all the main classes and minor classes get together and have a huge 'Demolition Derby," only instead of cars in a dinky baseball stadium, its millions of people across five miles by five miles over the one spot on earth where you get the five environments in one place: Hawaii. The trick is, you can't kill anyone and have the Hawaiians or tourists find out. Otherwise, you're disqualified, and disqualification means death.
That's what I told you about what I'm doing this next week, in the 'Summer' post of June. Gregry the Hairy woke us up so INCREDIBLY early that we were sleep-rowing all the way from Greenland to Hawaii.
When we got there, we had to go sign in. I became Contestant #1,987,423, which, as you can tell by the small number, we were some of the earliest participants to arrive. After signing in, the entire crew split, separating themselves from the est of everyone else, as this is an individual competition. For some reason, as we split, Omar the Bold looked over at me, yelled, "Have your readers check out my blog!"***** He then made a threatening, stabbing gesture with his overly large sword. Wonder we he did that. About two hours later, the rest of the 40,000 million contestants had signed in, the volcano had been blown,* and it was time.
Since the start of the battle, I have kept a running record on how many people I've killed. Here's how I've done:
Major class kills:
Ninjas: 3 kills.
Pirates: 1,234 kills.
Samurai: 0 kills.**
Clowns: 5 kills.
Robots: 2,000 even.***
Dentists: 0 kills.****
Firemen: 16 kills.
Postal Workers: 13 kills.
It's been a good day for hunting. OH! And I killed around a million Minor class representatives, including fifteen thousand Environmentalists. They may have some representable power, but good fighters they do not make.
Since killing over a million people JUST using the Wildanceamancer attack gets a little boring, I've created some... TRICKS... I can use to get some people, just for some entertainment.
HOw come I have time to blog during a non-stop education? Easy. Beatin' people off with my left hand, typing with my right.
Olaf the BAAAAALD!
*How we signify the competition has started.
**I saw around a hundred at different times standing at random places, but I wasn't about to kill one, for fear of their ghosts eating my soul.
*** I like leaving some alive, so that way they can reproduce and make more fun kills for later. For some wierd reason, I just love the way they spazz and flutter after dying.
**** Did you know there's a shortage of dental workers all over the world right now?
***** omarhatesolaf.blogspot.com
2 comments:
Olaf this is my first comment and I belong to the Dental class there is a reason that you have never killed a dentist, the reason is that we are awsome and way better fighters than you!!!
Environmentalists have so many members that they need to clean out those who just plain suck out of the ranks. Typically they accomplish this by sending them to tournaments such as the one you attend(ed). This process weeds out the unworthy, and portrays the class to have less combative power than they actually do (This, however, is a lie. Have you never heard the story of how Al Gore single-handedly (with his right hand; the left was writing An Inconvenient Truth) exterminated forty-two minor classes contributing to global warming and pollution at a similar competition? And who can for get Captain Planet and his group of diciple/followers the Planeteers.)
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