Modern

The most horrible thing about technology today is what it does to vikings. Just yesterday, the crew of the Bloodhound and I were pillaging a nunnery when suddenly, Erik the Noisy's cell phone went off. "Sorry, I have to take this," He apologized. So the nuns froze in the positions they were in, and we froze in the position we were in (so as to continue right where we left off), and we waited. And waited. TWENTY WHOLE MINUTES we waited, while Erik talked about stock option! When he finally finished, we unfroze and started up again, everyone shooting dirty looks at Erik, including some of the nuns. But that's probably because he was slicin' em up with his uber-sword. You know how it is.

For years, vikings have tried not to get caught up with technological advances. But every day, a viking gets a cell phone, a viking buys a laser hammer, of someone gets Wi-Fi for their ship. Its horrible.

Its especially horrible when a viking ship gets a motor. It's wimpish, its completely anti-viking, and if your ship relies on rowers while your enemy's got a motor, you're done.

One cheap thing Vikings with motors do is aim for their enemy's ship, put it on trawl, lethargically spin their oars, and sleep. The normal viking ship, powered by 100% VP (viking power), looks back and sees their enemy pumping hard to catch up. They figure that by the time the Motor vikings catch up, they'll be as tired as they, since both ships are pumping their rowing arms hard. Of course, the well-rested, motorized boat catches up, and the normal viking ship is defeated since they're all so tired from rowing.

Vikings with motors on their ships are pansies. It's the only way to put it. What viking doesn't enjoy a good, fair fight with both sides tired from rowing all day?

Its like that movie, Red vs. Blue (Viking Edition) where it shows a fight between two viking tribes:

Blue Viking: attack... (sighs in pain, rubs his arms)

Red Viking: bring it on... (is stretching paionfully)

Blue Viking: i will... (fumbles with his sword stiffly)

Red Viking: urg... (drops his ax. Both vikings turn to look at it.)

Blue Viking: flip this... (topples backwards over the side of the ship. Shows him sleeping on the way down into the water.)

Red Viking: yaaaay... (topples over a dead viking on the deck, and lands on a sword.)


I got to go. Chieftain Gregory the Hairy wants me to go clean his new 60 hp boat motor. It's all bloody from where me mowed down our enemy tribes' warriors after we blasted them out of their ship with one of our grenade-launchers.

Olaf the BAAAAALD!