Pirates

SO, apparently, people are confused about what different properties separate the average pirate with the average viking. Well, then! I'll explain for you imbeciles. Here are some of the many differences.

1.) Pirates wear funny hats (as opposed to intimidating): Those tri-pointed, american colony, doofus hats are just simply not built for intimidation. I mean, sure, if you saw that hat on someone like Paul Revere, you'd be scared, but only because he's dead. And seeing a dead dude is scary on any account. Viking hats, however, are made from the dead parts of BEASTS! And they have horns! Mess with a viking, get the horns.

2.) Pirates have a Code: The code of pirates is a very well-unthought-out plan. I can only imagine what they were thinking: "Let's create a code that only pertains to us, but every other person in the world, it doesn't apply to!" A favorite way for a viking to kill a pirate is this: call parley, and while the pirate is readying his barterin' supplies, slice his head off. Boo-yah.

3.) Pirates use guns: Guns? Seriously? Thats just screaming, "I'm too lazy to walk over to you and cut your fingers off."

4.) Pirates are sell-outs: Pirates of the Carribean? The Pirates who Don't Do Anything? Pirates of Penzance? Vikings were approached first to do that junk, but we turned it down.

5.) Pirates have booty: Not going to touch this one.

6.) Pirates are Copycats. Vikings were diggin the bearded look years before pirates hit. Heck, Blackbeard copied his look from the Great Viking Chief Harold the Gray (it was a joke name given to him by his kids, as he had one nasty long gray hair in one of his eyebrows. It stuck. His beard of black was mighty impressive, though.) And, before the first recorded Viking-Pirate encounter, pirates were attacking coastal villages from land. When they saw Vikings plunder in style on their boats, they were building boats too.

Thats all I can think of off the top of my head for why pirates stink. And so...

Olaf the BAAAAALD!