Battle Cries

Sometimes, when you leap into battle, you just gotta scream a battle cry. You all know my customary one, which is what I always scream at the end of my posts. But, sometimes, just screaming your name doesn't cut it. You gotta scream something else.

Here are some effective battle cries you should learn, memorize, and use:

CHIIIIIIIICKEN TEEEEEEEEENDEEEEEEEERS!

Wait, before I go on, why? Why would you shout chicken tenders? Its simple; if your fighting someone, and they shout, "I like puppies," It's going to make you stop and think, Why does he like puppies? And then, you have your face fulla fist.

IIIIIIIIIIIII LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE PUPPIES!

BILL COSBY IS FUNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIG CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN"T BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITE!

You know, random stuff, something like that. I think this describes it best, though.

But the best Battle Cry of all time is one word, not drawn out, yelled, or screamed. It my Chieftain, Gregory the Hairy's battle cry. I know it works, too.

The best example I can think of is when his crew, me included, drove his ship, the Bloodhound II, right into the middle of a ferocious battle between a buncha Ninjas, Dentists, Waiters, and Leprechauns. They were blocking our passage, so Gregory shouted, "EVERYONE BELOW DECK, NOW!" Everyone ignored him. Gregory strode to the front of the boat and roared, "ALL RIGHT, YOU WILLY-WIVERED BUNCHA CONRN-COBBED PANSIES!" Gregory is VERY good at insults, by the way. "IF YOU DO NOT GET OUT OF MY WAY, I WILL KILL YOU ALL SINGLE-HANDEDLY!"

The Ninjas, Dentists, Waiters, and Leprechauns all looked at each other and grinned. A common, egotistical enemy! What fun! they all thought. WIth a savage roar, they stormed the boat. Before they could touch it, however, Gregory opened his mouth and uttered his battlecry.

"Chitlins," he said.

All the attacking attackers stopped.

"Chitlins?" a Ninja said.

"That's what he said," a Leprechaun said.

"How odd," a Dentists said.

"Indubitably so," a Waiter intoned. "Let us contemplate this quandry for a few seconds more."

Meanwhile, Gregory was bashing the heads in of every single one of them. Soon, his hammer was bloody, and the stack o' bodies piled around him was high.

"Let's go," he sighed.

We left.

Olaf the BAAAAALD!