Depending on the place, there's always some sort of creature-pest that bugs the living daylights out of you. A favorite for Vikings in the north are Coons, the Ninjas of the Bushtails. Why do we call little Raccoons that? Because Raccoons, like ninjas, are wimps, and hide their true identities from the world and use fake names cuz they is babies.* Like, for example, THIS THING tells you exactly how it is for Ninjas and their obsession to hide their identities.
Anyway, even though we vikings have never been able to figure out how to get a Raccoon's mask off, and since we think that Coons are in Ninjas' employ, We use Coon Ka-Knockers, since Raccoons are so CUUUTE! that we don't want to kill them.
Ahem.
Awkward.
Now, your basic Coon Ka-Knocker is simple: Its some sort of blunt object that you can whack a coon with and not have to worry about it bleeding and dying and losing most of its cuteness while it cauterwauls and screams and excretes everywhere. My favorite Coon Ka-Knocker I ever had was a branch I carved myself into a half-J shape. During the Raccoon attack of 92', that thing Ka-Knocked so many Raccoons that I even named it 'Larry', like all the cool people name their swords in movies. It was only then, after I was polishing it, that Soren the Hard-of-Hearing-Scribe pointed out that I was rubbing me hands all over a dude. Thus, Larry became known as Lucy.
Sadly, a few years ago, Phil the Conceited thought it'd be funny to whack my precious Lucy against a tree OVER AND OVER AND OVER again. You can guess what happened.
Lucy had a beautiful funeral.
Now, I've learned not to get attached to any single Coon Ka-Knocker, since I know that if you love them, they will SHATTER INTO A MILLION PIECES! But we Vikings aren't the only onces who use some sort of Ka-something. Look at what the other classes use!
Bear Ka-Killer
Little Kid Ka-Bonker
Nanobot Ka-Zapper
NO HONOR Ka-Yeller
Bacteria Ka-Cleaner
Leak Ka-Filler
Flaming Ka-Waterer
Letter Ka-Opener
Post a comment**, and if you can successfully place each of the nine classes with its 'KA', then I'll give you a Million***!
Olaf the BAAAAALD!
*No, I am not referencing YOU, The Man. You're coo wit mwah.
** There is no guarantee your reward will be given within the next week. I may be unable to post comments within the next week, since I'll be in Atlantis. For more info, check out my 'Summer' post from earlier on this month.
*** Punches to the face
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4 comments:
And I'm Back!
Bear Ka-Killer - Lumberjack
Little Kid Ka-Bonker - clown (but only the ones that don't just eat them)
Nanobot Ka-Zapper - Robots
NO HONOR Ka-Yeller - Samurai
Bacteria Ka-Cleaner - Dentist (and Waiters at some of the more upscale restaurants)
Leak Ka-Filler - Pirate
Flaming Ka-Waterer - Firefighter
Letter Ka-Opener - Postal Worker
Also,
Music Ka-Maker - Rock Star
Vampire Ka-Slayer - Werewolf
Six Ka-Shooter - Cowboy
False Ka-Advertising - Used Car salesmen
Xerxes Ka-Kicker - Spartand
Tree Ka-Killer - Lumber Jack
AND
MY FAVORITE!
The...
Tree Killer Ka-Protester - Hippie/Environmentalist
HAHAHAHHAAHA
What about:
Goalie ka-kickers [soccer players]
Batter ka-peggers [baseball pitchers]
Weed ka-slicers [lawn services personnel]
Image ka-boosters [those wonderful public relations professionals, without whom our world would be much less interesting]
OK, Anonymous is obviously a highly intelligent individual ...
Well, the Man, very good! You got almost everyone right, except for the fact that you forgot Ninjas not Lumberjacks are a major class. Ninjas have some sort of problem with bears, as you can see from this link: http://drmcninja.com/page.php?pageNum=9&issue=8
And, as you can see, Bear Poser Ninjas as well. But come on: Who doesn't hate a Poser Ninja?
Some of the 'Kas' you came up with are wrong, but I'm too lazy to correct you. Something along the lines of, MINOR CLASSES AREN'T COOL ENOUGH TO HAVE KAs, but hey. That's what you get.
I have a hunch this CHarles the Mysterious is the same guy as PR...
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