Boat seats

You know how, in cars, there's always some annoying person who runs up and yells, "I call shotgun!" like It's the best seat in the car and they're cool to have called it first? Yeah, that bugs me. Now, some Viking ships' seats are built in the same way as a normal car. So, there are seven seats in all, and all that junk, with of course, an optional back seat, which means that there's actually five seats. So, whenever some annoying freak pulls out the shotgun routine, don't forget to use this to your advantage.

Annoying Person: I call Shotgun!

You: I call Stungun!*

(If Stungun is already taken...)

You: I call Pistol!**

(If Stungun and Pistol are taken, and there is a back seat...)

You: I call Flamethrower!***

(If Stungun, Pistol, and Flamethrower are taken...)

You: I call Angry Cat Launcher!****

Either way, you are likely to throw everything in that annoying person's face EVERY day. Now, of course, there are two clauses you always need to remember.

Clause A: KNIFE is the best seat. Knife is the driver's seat, obviously, so if you can, call Knife a few hours before the trip. That way, you can still rub it into Mister Shotgun's face.

Clause B: Bazooka is any middle seat.

Now you know everything you need to know to halt that HORRIBLE PERSON who ALWAYS CALLS FREAKIN' SHOTGUN!

Hold on, Phil the Conceited is taking us on a river trip for a few hours in his new Ferrarrivertiblero. I'm sitting Shotgun!

Olaf the BAAAAALD!

*Stungun, of course, is the seat directly behind Shotgun. This is actually good, because you can then annoy the annoying person back, since you're in such close proximity.

**Pistol is the seat behind Knife, which I'll describe shortly.

***Flamethrower is the seat behind Pistol in a ship with a back seat.

****Angry Cat Launcher is the seat behind Stungun on ships with back seats