How to Kill a Mockingbird: By Lee the Author

No, I am not being paid to advertise this book, I just honestly really like it and think the book should be made known to the public.



Though I usually don't read, I LOVED this book. I mean, seriously? Who can resist something that goes into minute details on Two Thousand and Six different ways to kill a Mockingbird. Its AWESOME! They've got explosions, stabbings, poisonings, siccings, and much, much more. There's even diagrams on every other page. It's brilliant!



My favorite way I read to kill a mockingbird is to give it Pop Rocks and Soda. Now, I know what you're thinking: That doesn't actually work. But listen! Give it the above ingrediants, then show it a website that devotes its entire time to proving that that legend is not legend, but fact. The Mockingbird, believing that blatant lie, will keel over and die. Not from the explosion, but from mental process.



Another good way is to invite it to play a game of twister. Then, while you have left hand and foot on red and right hand and foot on green, 'Lose.' Mockingbird has no chance, no matter HOW skinny you are. I'm talking to YOU, Marilyn Monroe.



Another good one is this: Put a tracking device on its leg, and when its heart stops beating, you realize: You've killed it with NATURAL DEATH!



OOOOOOO!



I gotta go. Some guy named Lee is coming over to pay me a large sum of money for advertising for his boo... AHEM, I mean, some guy named... CHARLES is coming over to give me... PIZZA for breakdancing in his... CLUB last night. Yeah.



On another unrelated note, Imma gonna buy me some STEEL DRUMS after I meet up with Lee... I mean Charles.



Yeah.



Olaf the BAAAAALD!