Death

When Vikings die, there is a customary way for them to be sent off to the next life. First things first, you need to make a boat. For elderly people who are about to bite it, boats are usually made weeks prior, so the person's body doesn't start to stink from rotting. And, MAN! Do people STINK when they die! I mean, look at THIS: and you'll see what I mean.

Anyway, once the boat is made or recycled from a prior boat*, you put the Viking in it and send it off toward the horizon. We believe that once the Viking is returned to the sea, he (or she)'s spirit will be sent to the afterlife.

In the afterlife, you have two options to go to. If you have a blood oath or something, then you are able to go back to earth as a spirit and kill the person you have sworn a blood oath to kill. Unlike most people's beliefs about blood oaths, being a spirit allows you to complete that without any of that annoying junk like ... BODIES, or ... PHYSICAL PARTS OF YOU, or ... NOT BEING ABLE TO WALK THROUGH WALLS. You know, that stuff.

Once all your blood oaths are completed, you get to go to... THE PLACE. No one knows what THE PLACE is, but we Vikings assume its a viking heaven.

So let's review:

1.) If you are dead or dying**, your people put you on a boat and send you off.

2.) You tip over.

3.) You get to fulfill blood oaths as a spirit.

4.) You go... to... THE PLACE.

Thank you. I hope I've been completely serious throughout this serious subjet to talk about.***

Olaf the BAAAAALD!

*The fanciest boat for a dead Viking I've ever seen was used when a boat was deemed too dangerous to go out on open water on. It was HUGE! It held over two-thousand men at its prime. So, just when we're about to dissemble it for wood, Frederick the Jolly bites it. So we put him on the boat, and let it float away, just like you're supposed to do for a Viking.

**You don't neceasarily have to be DEAD, just close to death with no chance to escape it. For example, getting bitten with a poisonous snake with no antidote around. Most vikings just want to go on that boat anyway, so their closest friends don't see them in their final death throes. I just think death throes are fun... Wait, I mean, uh... sad, not funny. I wasn't gonna say funny!

***I LIED! I HAVEN'T BEEN SERIOUS AT ALL! AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! Death RULES! Unless, of course, its my death.****

****Moment of silence for my future death.