Nerves

Some of you may have problem working up the nerve to kill an enemy. That's ok. There are plenty of jobs for a Viking who just can't bring himself to kill some evil person. Jobs like remora, anchor, plank (cuz we Vikings came up with that idea WAY before pirates), diplomat, and about fifteen other utterly useless jobs.

However, if you DO want to learn how to kill something, start small. You know that fly that's been buzzing around your ship for the last two weeks that no one has been able to get yet? Ignore it, thats too small. But that cockroach that's been skittering around your ship for weeks that no one has been able to get yet? Kill it. Devote as much time as it takes to kill that thing, even if it means starving to death. If you DO starve to death, then your ship's bard (another utterly useless job) shall sing epic tales about you until his crewmates beg him to stop ... and until they pay him the prearranged price.

Once you kill that cockroach, go and talk with your ship's psychiatrist (Yet another one of those completely useless jobs.) Have him figure out how you felt about the kill. If he says you didn't enjoy it, its back to being a plank for you.

If you DID enjoy it, then begin working your way up to larger and larger things. Soon, you'll be able to kill ANYTHING you want, even a triceraninja (A genetically crossed ninja triceratops)! You'll be just like me, killing anything I want to without a sinlge second thought! And if you're an ambitious Viking, you could even kill the crew chief and become chief of your crew!

...

Apparently, according to Chieftain Gregory the Hairy, my chief, the one of the Bloodhound, if you kill the chief of your crew, you don't BECOME the chief of the crew, you get EATEN by a kraken. And not the kind of kraken that merely sends you to Davy Jones' locker and then a bunch of crabs sent by Calypso gets you to your friends and acquaintances, who all just seem to be randomly appearing before you because of some sort of stupid plot device, oh no. I mean the kind of Kraken that EATS you, and then you eat PIE! Wait, I mean DIE! Gregory must be telling the truth, though, since what sort of ulterior motive could my chief have for me to tell people its not a good idea to kill him? Really now.

I got to go. I just saw that stinkin' cockroach. I think he's taunting me now ...

Olaf the BAAAAALD!