Wikipedia Two: Attack of the Laotogo

As in my first Wikipedia rant, I clicked the 'Random Article' button thats on the wikipedian home-and-every page.

The page that popped up was this page. Why? Because, quite simply, that article is WRONG. I never would have thought I'd see the day where the editors of wikipedia would mess up such an obvious page. My only guess is that the Ninjas have something to do with it. Looking around the web, I realized that this basic lie from the wikipedia page had spread all over the internet. I now put it into my hands to warn the entire classed community what the Laotogo is.

Ever heard of... the KRAKEN? Yeah, me too. The Laotogo is like that, but its not some sort of octopus on drugs, like the Kraken is. The Laotogo is a...

BIG...

HONKING...

FROG.

I'll wait for you to stop laughing.



















Done? Good. Since only fools would laugh at that.

Think about it! If Jack Sparrow had been really smart, he wouldn't have stayed on the water while avoiding the Kraken, which meant there was always a 'Get Out of Jail Free' card. But the Laotogo? ITS AN AMPHIBIAN! IT CAN COME UP AN' KILL YOU ON LAND!

One thousand years ago, several years after the destruction of the Urgur* and several years before the Viking's time travel incident**, the remaining surviving classes (Vikings, Knights, Ninjas, Pirates, Clowns, Postal Workers, Musketeers, Dentists, Samurai) were all remaining.*** Suddenly, We Vikings noticed some of our ships were diappearing. Worried, we investigated the disappearances, and after the fiftieth investigation team discovered the giant frog, put their research in a bottle, threw it overboard before the frog devoured them, and it floated to our headquarters. Here, after looking at the very detailed diagrams, the chief Vikings named it: THE LAOTOGO!

Warning the other classes about the danger, the Vikings prepared to eliminate the monster. They received more support than they had counted on. Knights joined the cause since all the dragons had already been killed by them. Samurai joined the cause since they figured the Laotogo fought with no honor. Dentists joined the cause since they needed water to clean people's teeth, and they were afraid the Laotogo would hog all the water sources. Postal Workers joined the cause since the Laotogo was picking off air-mail-shipments flying over the ocean with its froggy tongue. Musketeers joined because they wanted to show the Knights up. Clowns joined the cause because the Laotogo was sucking laughs out of the world, since it was causing so many bad things to happen to people.**** Pirates joined the cause because of the very same reasons why the Vikings did. And Ninjas, still in exile from their destruction of the Urgur, crept forward, timidly offering people for the cause in an effort to redeem themselves. Thus, the largest alliance and army of the classes EVER marched forth to defeat the Laotogo.

After traveling for many days from all of the corners of the world, the army brought the Laotogo to them by shouting many insults over the waters. At first, we were worried that the Laotogo did not know that we were insulting it. But, after enough insults of the worst damage were said, insults like 'Froggy Breath' and 'Froggy eyes', the Laotogo figured out it was the one being insulted. The army saw two bumps in the distance after about ten days of shouting, and the next thing they knew, the bumps were eyes, and the next thing they knew AGAIN, the Laotogo was upon them.

For seven days the army fought the Laotogo, and for seven days, they did no damage., with Vikings having the most casualties.Desperate, the army gathered the ten most powerful archmages in the army and asked them to call upon an ice age. The ice age, the classes rationalized, would send the Laotogo into hibernation, and at least stop the Laotogo temporarily until a more permanent solution could be brought upon. Since the Ninja Archmages had dodged the attacks of the Laotogo, while certain other classes' archmages couldn't, five of the ten archmages were ninjas.

Sadly, when the Archmages cast the spell for the ice age, they barely had started the spell when it back-fired on them. Nine of the ten archmages were erased with all proof of their existance disappearing save for the memories. One Ninja archmage held on, however. His name was Craig "Hidden Fist of the Cobra" Crawlin, and he managed to concentrate the spell right onto the Laotogo, so that the power of 1/20th of an ice age would descend upon the Laotogo. The Laotogo instantly froze, but the magical backlash of the spell killed everything within a mile radius of the Laotogo and Hidden Fist of the Cobra.*****

After the dust settled, many of the warriors of the classes had survived. The Laotogo had frozen and sunk to the bottom of the ocean. No-One knew exactly how long the Laotogo would hibernate, but many hoped it would stay forever.

Sadly, it has recently thawed.

Now, I don't think I've properly explained to you exactly what the Laotogo is, but here's a brief description:

Imagine a frog. Now imagine a frog as tall as a 50-story building. Imagine that frog hating everything that exists. IMagine that frog with a tongue that can reach out with a tongue the size of a redwood and swallow whole islands whole. THAT is the Laotogo.******

Since its so big, it moves through time a little slower than normal. SO scientists from all the classes guess that it won't go into vengence mode for at least another ten years, when it fully wakes up. But the problem is, since its awake again, it'll still do all the damage it did a thousand years ago, but at a slightly more slower rate. ALready, we're getting reports from the classes of sighting of the Laotogo. Its been killing many.

SO, here's some advice in case you ever see the Laotogo, on land OR on sea.

1.) Never insult it. SInce you're so small compared to it, it won't notice you and directly target you. Squish you, yes, but it won't be on purpose. But since its still scarred from the army's insultafest, then it hears every one. ONce you speak harshly, you dead.

2.) DOn't try to fight it on your own, with ten other people, with ten thousand other people, with ten MILLION people. When the final battle comes, we're going to need help from every class, sub-class, and any other class EVER in order to beat this thing. We might even need humans!

Um... that's pretty much all you can use. Otherwise, you're done for.

Good luck.

Olaf the BAAAAALD!

*This post.

**This post.

***I had a really good sentence worked out, but by the time I checked my history books, I forgot where I was going. So I used remaining twice.

****Though, they thought that the misfortunes it caused to the other classes was pretty funny.

*****Incidentally, this act from a Ninja helped end much of the individual hatreds of the other classes, still steamed from the Urgur incident.

******OH, and it can jump over China in one bound.