Duct Tape Monstrosity

Since Vikings don't use money, we can't buy cool equipment online. And since we can't buy cool equipment online, we can't get any cool equipment except from stealing. And you can't get good equipment from stealing, since No-One in this century has any Viking paraphenelia. And since no-one has any Viking Paraphenilia, you gotta go to a blacksmith and get him to make some. But we don't have money to pay blacksmiths. And even then, if we had money, we would go buy cool equipment online.

HORRIBLE ENDLESS CIRCLES!

As you can tell, there aren't really any good places... or things... to get Viking equipment from. And all the stuff we brought from the past, some DOOFUS suggested that we should plant them so we can get more. And WHOEVER suggested it thought that since Vikings are so hairy, we must be related to squirrels, and so, now matter WHERE WE BURIED our stuff, we would be able to find it.

Guess what?

We're not related to Squirrels.

I hate it when people come up with stupid crap like that. And I definitely DON'T know who it was, either.

Hold on, Gregory the Hairy wants me to do KP...

Hello. I'm G-G-G-George the Y-Y-Y-Yellow. O-O-Omar the Bold wanted m-m-me to f-f-f-f-f-fill in for his sn-sn-sn-sneakin' in words into Olafs-fs-fs-fs post to-to-to-today. He j-j-j-just wanted me to t-t-t-tell y-you that it w-w-was Olaf wh-wh-who sugg-gg-ggested th-that w-w-w-we plan-palan-palant the-the-the equipment.

Hey, this is Omar. I told George to not to transcribe his nervousness, but hey. That's what you get when your ENTIRE BODY STUTTERS.

H-h-h-h-h-ey...

Huh, I don't remember writing all that bolded and italicized text up there, but I must have had a good reason for it, so I'm not even going to look at it and write with a newfound furor. Stupid soapy suds all over my keyboard.

So, here's our solution for our problem:

DUCT TAPE!

Now, we were hesitant about doing this, but after reading some ONE PIECE, throwing duct tape balls into the water, and putting our Duct-Tape made helmets on Ninjas and smacking the crap out of their heads, we decided three things:

1.) Rag-Tag hats are cooler than they sound.

2.) Duct Tape dries out REALLY WELL.*

3.) It can withstand around .05% of blows.

Those three reasons made us decid that Duct tape, an invention of the modern age, is the new material to make helmets, and occasionally whole sets of armor. For everything else, we use bear fur.**

Olaf the BAAAAALD!

*The first time.

**Stolen from... Michaels.***

***Yeah, how sissy of us. But we get our weapons from Wal-Mart!****

****Yeah, how sissy of us.*****

*****AND IT WAS UNICORN FUR! YEAH! KILL DA UNICORNS! SISSY UNICORNS! Heh heh... heh he... heh.******

******This was not a crack at any organization that has the Unicorn as a mascot.