Other Sub-Classes

As I have mentioned before, there are many Sub-Classes beyond the main Nine classes of the 21st century. Even as we speak, the main rulers of the classes are discussing amongst themselves to decide if there should be a tenth, especially since it seems Dentists are moving in closer to calling Vikings their true rival. And, Samurais DO need a rival, someone to truly be able to fight back. Here, as given to me personally by our leader, Leif the Armless of CVU, are the top ten choices for the tenth main class.

10.) Lumberjacks: These are extremely influential in our world, but there are several reasons why they are not classified as a main class. One, they are basically like land vikings. Why? Because they use axes, cut down trees (for things like ships) and they stink.* They are also inferior to Vikings as well, since they don't have horns on their helmet, they don't travel in ships, and their proficiency in a variety of weapons beyond axes in not very... diverse.

9.) Rock Stars: These guys would be awesome to add to our class repertoire, but there are a few bad things about them as well. One, they'd all be bards, and two, they're all drug addicts. Its no fun to kill a druggy, trust me. Those stupid Urgur back in the dawn of time were ALWAYS high on their fires. We've all vowed not to make that mistake again.

8.) Spartans: Oh. MAN. They were awesome. But that's just the thing: They WERE awesome, they're not ARE awesome. Now, the entire Sub-Class is a bunch of nerds or wanna-be nerds shouting 'THIS... IS... SPARTA!" at random things and Viking-Kicking*** doors down. And though that yell makes you want to scream, shout, dance, cry, and pee all at the same time, ANYONE can say it.

7.) Were-Wolves: These guys would be in, but for some reason, they hate Vampires so much that if Vampires weren't a class, Were-Wolves would refuse to be a class as well, since then, Vampires would not be allowed to be their rival. And Vampires can't be a class because of four words:

TWILIGHT.

BY.

STEPHANIE.

MEYER.*****

6.) Public Relations officials: These guys would be at the top, because they got influence, power, influence, and are good at fighting in a pinch. But, quite simply, their job is as utterly pointless as a telephone repairman. So, these guys will probably waver between 6th and seventh place FOREVER.

5.) Environmentalists: True, these guys have been argued by my only fan for rise to class-dom. But honestly? They are really only as good as a normal human, since they still use crude means like... GUNS... and... GRENADES.... and... PLANT FOOD... they only thing that makes them non-human is their love for animals. I mean, come on, who doesn't like to squash a bug when they see one? I was in a Fast-Food restaurant one time, and a guy called his waiter over and said, "There's a bug in my soup. Is it supposed to be there, or not?" You could tell the guy rode the short-bus a little too much as a Little Kid. The waiter said, "I'm sorry, sir, would you like me to dispose of it?" Suddenly, someone vaulted out of one of those ridiculously large plants and sprayed the waiter with a bottle. "BUG-KILLER!" The person who jumped out of a plant yelled, ripping apart his dirt-colored clothes to reveal the common clothes of an environmentalist: A white polo shirt with an organization's symbol on it like PETA or Greenpeace on it. Due to the planty substance, the waiter died, writhing on the ground in mortal pain. However, the Environmentalist didn't think his way through his situation, because at that point, around fifty Waiters came ppouring into the restaurant, mercilessly slaughtering the environmentalist and then dropping cruelly slaughtered animals all over his body, as a sign of disrespect. As you can see, Environmentalists have nothing on Number Four.

4.) Waiters: Are also known as Butlers. And if you really have to ask why waiters are on the list, let me give you two reasons. One, look at Number 5.): Environmentalists. And two, two words for you:

ALFRED.

PENNYWORTH.

3.) Cowboys: With such examples like Indiana Jones and Orson Porter Rockwell, Cowboys definitely are a top choice for the next class. The problem is, they're too rednecky, they only use guns, and they wear ridiculous pants. Don't get me wrong, they have some serious powers. For example, they can spit farther most normal guns, their spit can be modified by adding in whatever substances they have ever ate, and they can summon large herds of cows to squash you flat. And they've got a great catch-phrase: "I've got a SNAKE in muh BOOT!"

2.) G.I. Joe: Yes, this class is second place, because of their influence on society and the fact that they can be called stuff like 'GI Jose' (Spain), 'GI Jacque' (France), 'GI Giuseppi' (Italian), and 'GI Jane' (Futuristic feministic society.) And for other reasons...

HAHAHAHA! Just kidding! That would be the worst class ever! THAT MOVIE LOOKS LIKE ITS GONNA BOMB! Anyway here's the real second most-likely class option...

2.) Used Car Salesmen: These guys can sell you their 12-month-old toe lint for two thousand bucks, and make you sell your 1963 vintage Ferrari for thirteen bucks and Some Milkduds. They have to. Otherwise, they'll have to stop feeding their kids for the month, since that ten-bucks usually spent feeding them will have to go toward that new thirty-six thousand dollar cruise he and mommy are going on. For the fifth time this month. But how does that help them in combat, you may ask? Well, I'll tell you. Imagine this: A Ninja comes up to a UCS and is all like, "Yo, wassup? I look forward to killing you soon!" The next thing Ninja knows, he's buying back the Bo-Staff for five-hundred bucks that he just sold to the UCS for two, AND the UCS whacked him one with it! Just deadly, I'll tell you.

And now, what you've all been waiting for: THE MOST-LIKELY SUB-CLASS TO BECOME A FULL CLASS! Except, I'm gonna kill the suspense, since there are actually two battling for supremeacy.

1.) Amazons vs. Little Kids!

Why Amazons? Three words for you:

OOO.

LA.

LA.

Why Little Kids? A simple phrase, said by Edward Teach, leader of the Pirates: 'Little kids are Demons wrapped up in an outer shell of Angelicness.'

So, now you know. Maybe one day, when you join the ranks of the Viking Class, or any other class, you traitor, you'll be able to help vote in the final decision. But, you're probably not, so too bad for you.

Olaf the BAAAAAALD!******

*No offense to them. I completely understand that after several hours of work, you sweat like crazy. And, quite honestly, dired-or-drying sweat stinks. So, if a lumberjack DID take offense, trust me, you need to just deal with it. And hey, I insulted Vikings too. Deal with it.**

**No offense.

***Its not a spartan kick, its a Viking kick. Yet another reason why Spartans shouldn't be a class: They're rip-offs!****

****Though Pirates ripped us off as well...

*****Once you start glowin', you can't be fightin'.

******I added an extra A for today! And on the sixth asterisk, too! Didja notice? I did!