Apocalypse

Don't forget to suggest to Olaf topics to rant about!

Vikings believe in the apocalypse. Its true. The world as we know it will end. Oh, trust me, we don't believe in 'EVERYBODY DIES!' We believe that a new order will be formed. And we vikings are gonna be at the top of it.

It doesn't matter how much preparations all you posers do, if you're destined to die, you're going to die. How do we know all this? Well, I'll tell you.

About twenty years ago, there was a student under Leif the Armless' tutelage who had earned the nickname "Larry the McLiar Pants." This kid was a full-blown, chronic liar. Anyone who knew him (I didn't, but Gregory the Hairy did, and he's told me the story) disbelieved anything he said. If he had said, "The sky is green," Everyone would look up to make sure the sky was actually green like its supposed to be.*

One day, Larry said that he had been possesed by a benevolent spirit that had taught him never to lie again, and when it wanted to speak, his voice would change into a high-pitched voice. All the other vikings laughed at him, thinking he was lying like normal. Suddenly, Larry started speaking in a high-pitched voice! All the vikings realized that Larry actually HAD
been possessed by a benevolent spirit. Larry, in his high-pitched voice, said, "The apocalypse is coming. It will happen in 2012. Everyone who is destined to die will die. No vikings will die." The next thing everyone knew, Larry had been struck by lightning. He died.

That is vikings' proof that we shall survive and live and everything ese through the apocalypse, while all you other suckers won't. I mean, have any of YOU had a benevolent spirit possess one of YOU? I think not.

Olaf the BAAAAALD!

*The sky is green. Yes, I know you're thinking that its blue, but its not. Its a trick your eyes are playing on you. If you do what vikings do to make sure they see everything the way it actually is, then you will see that the sky is truly green. What you need to do is take two needles, hold them up to your eyeballs, and say aloud "If you don't stop tricking me, eyeballs, then i'll stab you till you're dead!" You eyes should readjust to show everything the way it actually is, like how the sky is green not blue. If your eyes don't adjust, then you need to stab your eyeballs until they're dead, since they obviously can't be trusted.