Ranged Weapons

OK, I admit it. Despite the fact that I have consistantly made fun of ranged weapons, I have one. And its my only bane.

It all started when I was a young viking living in my hometown. Secretly, I wanted to be a pirate, so I snuck out frequently to go spy on the nearby pirate port.

My favorite pirate, whom I learned was named Pposu, carried a large hammer and... you guessed it... a slingshot.

Well, gee, I thought. If I want to join the crew Pposu's on, I better get a slingshot. Going out into the woods, I made a slingshot using only the BARE ELEMENTS OF NATURE! ANd a saw. And a drill. And my sister's hairband. And a bottle cap. And a bulldozer. But other than that, it was Au Naturale.

I ran to the hidden pirate port, so as to beg Pposu to let me on his ship. As I came upon the port, however, I saw, oh, I dunno, ABOUT FIFTY NINJAS KILLIN' EVERYONE!

Watching Pposu get pwned by a Ninja, it made me realize something: I wanted to be a ninja. Why I stopped wanting to be a Ninja is another story.

Foreshadowing...*

Anyway, back to ranged weapons. The slingshot I worked so hard on couldn't just go to waste, so after ax practice with my dad, I'd go out and do slingshot practice.

I'm pretty good with it, too, even though its range is a little under ten feet. But, since I've become a viking, you know its bad news. I keep it, because you never know... I might need it someday.

Foreshadowing...*

Olaf the BAAAAALD!

PS: Just to remind you, I really do hate ranged weapons. I hate them more than taxes! I hate them more than waking up with a centipede in your mouth! I hate them more than PENGUINS!*

*I said that in an ominous, spooky, feminine voice, for clarification.