Viking Dating

Don't forget to post a comment suggesting what I (Olaf the Bald) should rant about!

Touched briefly on by me before, I have gone on many on a date. The thing is, Dating Vikings of the female variety is just the same as datinga normal girl. So, you can apply the information I give you to any date, despite the fact I've only ever dated vikings.

The first thing you need to do is make sure your date isn't one of your enemies in disguise. Grab "Her" arm, twist it behind "Her" back, and yell directly in "her" ear "ARE YOU AN ENEMY OF MINE?" If she looks at you reproachfully, you're good. If she rips her face off, get ready for a fight.

After the enemy check, grab her arm before she can slap you and run away. Stick her in the passenger seat, then run as fast as you can around the car to your seat. If she hasn't left, your date will probably go well from there.

If you go to a place that has food (movie theater, The Prancing Viking (for a dinner date)), make sure to throw some at your date.... but MISS. Girls love it when you miss. It proves that you really like them. After you miss convince her that you both should throw food at other people. Start a hug food fight, but protect her at all costs. If you let even a sinlge crumb hit her, you're not a man.

If you want to hold her hand, MAKE SURE YOUR HAND ISN'T SWEATING BEFORE YOU GRAB IT! If she leans over and whispers, "Stop holding my hand, you freak," don't let go, whatever you do. Just trust me. On. This one. Yeah.

When you take her home two hours after her dad asked you to, don't kiss her. Unless you want to. Or if she kisses you. Or if she says she hates you. Or if she slaps you across the face, spits in your eye, and says she hates you. All those situations are appropriate for you to kiss her.

For females going on dates with dudes, show pity on your poor dates who will do this crap to you.

Olaf the BAAAAALD!