Horoscopes

Don't forget, post comments asking me what to rant about!

I can't come up with anything new today, so here's just a bunch of Horoscopes from my local Viking Newspaper:



Aries: You're feeling like you could take on the world today. Go ahead and take it on. Nothing can stop you when you feel this way. Not even a speeding bullet to the heart and head can stop you.



Taurus: Someone you are very close to might be killed today. Only you can stop their death. The stars foretell that if your sprinkle everyone you are close to with pepper, their killers won't be able to kill them without sneezing.



Gemini: You probably don't want to go outside today. The stars won't tell you why, but they are aligned just right that if you DO go outside, you won't be able to say that the stars didn't warn you.



Cancer: If you have a good attitude, as opposed to the bad attitude thats making evryone you know hate you, you may just get a date with that lucky significant other sometime soon.

Leo: You feel very creative today. You just want to get out and create things. Go on! Create! Your boss is pulling down on your creativiy as well. Quit your job, and you'll feel that much more satisfied.

Virgo: You will be approached by many attractive personas of the opposite gender. As hard as this might seem, RESIST THEM. If you don't, your calendar may be full for the rest of the month. And we all know Virgos hate a busy schedule.

Libra: Don't fight against the urges you feel today. Just follow your heart. In fact, you shouldn't even follow your horoscope today.

Scorpio (I, Olaf the Bald, am a Scorpio, in case you forgot): You are awesome. Every knows it, and some people tell you it. The ones who don't are just jealous. They can just deal with it.

Saggittarius: I'm sorry. I'm not apologizing for anything I did, mind you, I'm merely sorry for what's gonna happen today.

Capricorn: Someone inspires you, but they aren't someone you should be inspired by. Stop being inspired by them, its buggin the rest of us.

Aquarius: You feel compelled to buy a fish today. Its up to you, but don't blame the stars if it dies and you feel guilty.

Feces: You stink.


AH, those were some pretty good horoscopes, eh? Well, guess what? I MADE EVERY SINGLE ONE UP! YOU JUST GOT PLAYED! JUST LIKE WHEN YOU ACTUALLY READ YOUR HOROSCOPES FROM AN ACTUAL NEWSPAPER! HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL? WHY DID YOU THINK THAT HOROSCOPES ARE IN THE COMICS SECTION?

Thanks for reading!

Olaf the BAAAAALD!